<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Peace of Heart by obidalanetwork_archivist</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26229400">Peace of Heart</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/obidalanetwork_archivist/pseuds/obidalanetwork_archivist'>obidalanetwork_archivist</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Incomplete, Movie: Star Wars: The Phantom Menace, Romance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2008-03-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2008-03-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:02:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>78,716</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26229400</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/obidalanetwork_archivist/pseuds/obidalanetwork_archivist</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In the end, do you choose for unstable passion, or for peace of heart?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Obidala Network</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Note from Nadia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at <a href="https://fanlore.org/wiki/Obidala_Network">Obidala Network</a> and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2020. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/collections/obidalanetwork/profile">Obidala Network’s collection profile</a>.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Neither a Jedi nor a Handmaiden</p>
<p>“Hello!”</p>
<p>Padme stopped scrubbing the outer plate of the droid to look up and see who just greeted her. With his hand on the door the Gungan was hanging with his head in the door opening.</p>
<p>“Sorry. Whosa are yousa?”</p>
<p>With a small smile Padme observed her visitor. “My name is Padme.”</p>
<p>“Mesa Jar Jar Binks,” he said, stepping into the room.</p>
<p>R2D2 let out a few soft noises, and if Padme was not mistaken it sounded a lot like ‘stand in the way’. Curious about the creature she opened the conversation with the very obvious.</p>
<p>“You’re a Gungan, aren’t you?”</p>
<p>Jar Jar nodded enthusiastically. “Aahaa”</p>
<p>“How did you end up here with us?” It did seem a bit odd that a Gungan, from a race that shuns most of the outside world, would now travel on a Nubian starship.</p>
<p>“My no know.”</p>
<p>And the following explanation certainly didn’t help. Starting with a brisk something, an explosion, grabbing a jedi and ending up here. ‘Well, that certainly explains things. Although I probably know what the explosion means.’ A suddenly flare of fear, pain and sadness ran through her. Quickly she clamped it down.</p>
<p>“Mesa getting bery, bery scared.”</p>
<p>Padme couldn’t help with smile a little at his peculiar way to speaking.</p>
<p>“Well, Jar Jar, at least you’re safe for now.”</p>
<p>The Gungan nodded. Suddenly a loud noise filled the room. A rumbling. Jar Jar smiled apologetically and rubbed a hand over his stomach.</p>
<p>“Sorry, issa time for munchies.”</p>
<p>‘Aah, so that is what he meant with munchies, food!’</p>
<p>“Go past that door, I’m sure you’ll find something to eat in the galley.”</p>
<p>“Okiday!”</p>
<p>She watched him saunter over to the other room, silently chuckling at the swagger in his steps. Everything about this creature seemed comical. She wondered if all of the Gungans were like him. Then she couldn’t help but think what would happen to them if the Trade Federation would succeed in their plans. Again her insides twisted in fear. She turned her head when she heard steps coming towards her. When the figure entered the room all thoughts of comedy and fear fled her mind. For there was nothing comical or fearful about this young man. She caught herself holding her breath. Confused she tried to act normal again.</p>
<p>“Master jedi,” she called out.</p>
<p>Obi-wan turned on the spot, having walked past her without a glance. “Yes, handmaiden?”</p>
<p>“How much longer until we reach the planet Master Jinn spoke of?”</p>
<p>“An hour or two, shouldn’t take long.”</p>
<p>Quickly she went back to scrubbing R2’s plating. There was something about the jedi that made her feel completely at ease and relaxed. And that confused her and made her nervous. Trying to clear her head of such confusing and conflicting emotions she scrubbed a little harder. R2D2 let out a series of bleeps and whistles, once again expressing his gratitude on the fact he was being personally cleaned. In an instant the dirt on the droid’s plating made her think of the destroyed buildings on Naboo, and with it the lives that had been lost in the invasion. For the umpteenth time her insides tightened, a cold and painful sensation trying to overthrow her. Suddenly her back felt incredibly warm, like a fire had been lit behind her. Her breath hitched, and her emotions softened.</p>
<p>“Quite a creative droid. Did you know he bypassed several systems to get the shields back up?”</p>
<p>She could have answered him sitting down, not stopping her activities. But for some unknown reason she stood up and turned. This effectively placed her face to face with the young jedi, a mere two feet between them. Her back felt oddly cold, whilst her face and front suddenly warmed considerably. She looked him right in the eye, suddenly noticing their exuberant color. Swallowing hard she managed to answer him.</p>
<p>“Yes” Her voice was just above a whisper, and she couldn’t think of the reason why she had responded in such a way. But at the moment everything seemed to slow down. Everything around her quieted down, and she found herself basking in a pleasant warmth. Her mind was almost blank, and all she could think was how relaxed she felt. Slowly the feeling ebbed away, but if left her feeling better then before. More at peace.</p>
<p>“I’ll let you return to your duties.”</p>
<p>His foreign accent pulled her back to reality. Obi-wan made his first step past her but her voice stopped him.</p>
<p>“What is your name?”</p>
<p>He stopped. “Excuse me?”</p>
<p>Padme almost slapped her hand to her forehead. Why was she asking this of him? On the one hand she was interested in him, but this was hardly the time for it. But the moment he started to step away from her the peaceful feeling diminished, and she realized that out of a kind of desperation she wanted him to stay. She didn’t want to lose that feeling.</p>
<p>“Your name, master jedi. What is your name?”</p>
<p>His smile made the skin along her spine tingle. “Obi-wan Kenobi. And you need not call me master jedi, I’m not a full knight yet.”</p>
<p>She was compelled to smile in response. “Well you are a jedi to me. Obi-wan.”</p>
<p>He nodded his head. Suddenly overcome with a feeling of shyness Padme ducked her head and halfheartedly ran her cleaning cloth over R2’s top dome.</p>
<p>“Will you be alright in here, handmaiden?”</p>
<p>She snapped her head up, and looked at him with a small amount of confusion. The question was perfectly normal, but the tone of his voice made her wonder.</p>
<p>“What do you mean, Obi-wan?”</p>
<p>His face contorted a little, and she thought he looked a little uncomfortable.</p>
<p>“I…felt…that you were in pain, a bit overwhelmed with the situation. Do you wish someone to talk to, or will you be alright on your own?”</p>
<p>Normally she would have bristled at the implication she was weak and could not handle things, but the concern in his voice touched her.</p>
<p>“N…No, I’ll be alright, jedi Kenobi.”</p>
<p>His sudden laugh startled her a bit, but made her immediately breathe a whole lot easier.</p>
<p>“Obi-wan, please. Jedi Kenobi makes me sound…old.”</p>
<p>A broad smile appeared on her face as well. “Very well, master jedi Kenobi.” The teasing tone of her voice surprised her. I hardly know him and already tease him like he was one of my oldest friends, she thought.</p>
<p>Obi-wan raised a finger and waved it at her, warning her not to do it again. Which only made her grin even more. Spinning on his heels Obi-wan made his way to the door. Noticing he was about to leave Padme felt a slight panic, and quickly spoke up.</p>
<p>“Padme!”</p>
<p>The young jedi turned and looked at her with a curious expression on is face. “Padme?”</p>
<p>She had to concentrate to keep herself from stuttering. “My name is Padme.”</p>
<p>For a moment he stood there, his eyes focusing on her. Their blue color was mixed with an indescribable hue of gray she found absolutely beautiful.</p>
<p>“Padme”</p>
<p>Her personal name rolled so easily off his tongue, she thought. So much more easily then her royal name. And it felt good to her. Giving her a final nod he turned again and left the room. With a small sigh she sat down again. Slowly she started cleaning R2D2 again. But her mind was wandering.</p>
<p>“Obi-wan…,” she quietly said. For a moment he had made her forget about all the pain and troubles. Now he had left the room everything had come back to normal again, but deep down that wonderful feeling of peace remained. Her interest in the young man had now multiplied considerably, and she promised herself to get to know him, before it was too late.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>Obi-wan entered the small quarters assigned to him and Qui-gon. The Nubian cruiser was spacious enough to give everybody some space, but luxurious it wasn’t. Which suited the jedi just fine. Luxury is not something a jedi needs. Although Obi-wan could appreciate rich surroundings and types of food only the wealthy could afford he usually preferred to have things simple. It allowed him to better connect to the Force.</p>
<p>Qui-gon was sitting on one of the retractable beds. His eyes were closed and he was sitting in a meditative stance. Quietly Obi-wan shrugged off his outer robe and pulled out his own bed. Crossing his legs he sat down exactly opposite to Qui-gon and also closed his eyes.</p>
<p>“All is ready, Obi-wan?”</p>
<p>Without moving or opening his eyes Obi-wan responded.</p>
<p>“Yes, master. Panaka was not at all pleased with the situation, but eventually he agreed.”</p>
<p>“Good. I need you to check the hyperdrive as soon as we land.”</p>
<p>“I will.”</p>
<p>After a few silent moments Qui-gon frowned and opened his eyes. “Is there something wrong, padawan mine?”</p>
<p>Internally Obi-wan sighed. Sometimes the bond he had with Qui-gon allowed him very little privacy. He weighed his chances of hiding his questions or discussing them with his master.</p>
<p>“Tell me what’s in your mind, Obi-wan.”</p>
<p>‘And there goes the first option…’</p>
<p>Obi-wan opened his eyes, placed his elbows on his knees and put his head on his hands.</p>
<p>“Master, is it wrong to use the Force to calm someone when they are distressed, even though they haven’t asked for it?”</p>
<p>Qui-gon observed him for a moment. “It depends. Tell me what happened.”</p>
<p>Obi-wan knew there would be no hiding this from his very perceptive master.</p>
<p>“One of the queen’s handmaidens was cleaning the droid that repaired the shields, R2D2. She asked me when we would arrive on the planet. I responded and she went back to her cleaning. I was about to go on when I felt a great swell of fear and hurt course through her. I assumed it was because her home world was attacked and is currently occupied. And without hesitation I send her a soothing wave through the Force.”</p>
<p>“And this concerns you, why?”</p>
<p>“She did not ask it of me, master. In a way I invaded her thoughts and privacy, and acted upon it without her consent.”</p>
<p>Qui-gon took a deep breath. He exhaled with a small smile. “Do not concern yourself, Obi-wan. You did not use her feelings to your advantage. You acted on your compassion, as a jedi should. Perhaps she did not ask for it, but I have a feeling it was a well placed gesture, and did not go unwanted or unappreciated.”</p>
<p>Standing up from the bed Qui-gon placed his hands on Obi-wan’s shoulder. “You did well, my apprentice. Now come, Tatooine will soon be in range.”</p>
<p>“Yes, master,” Obi-wan nodded.</p>
<p>Swiftly throwing on his robe Qui-gon left the small room. Obi-wan sat there for a moment, quietly contemplating his master’s words. Something still puzzled him. Assured by Qui-gon’s words his action were justified, he couldn’t help but think why he did it. Out of compassion, Qui-gon had said. Yes, on some level that was true. But it hadn’t been his initial reason. At least, that’s what he thought. Trouble was, he couldn’t remember his initial reason at all. But he was sure it had been something more then compassion. Giving up for the moment Obi-wan jumped off the bed, grabbed his robe, and made his way to the cockpit. He would meditate on the matter later.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In the end, do you choose for unstable passion, or for peace of heart?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A late night bump in</p>
<p>Silently Padme entered the common room. Jar Jar was vast asleep on one of the chairs, mumbling and softly snoring. It both amused and irritated her. She was very glad she could see in separate chambers, where only Rabé would softly snore. And that was far less disturbing then the noise this Gungan was making.</p>
<p>Leaning over the console Padme activated the message they had received from Governor Bibble. Intently she watched him as he pleaded for her to contact him. The words death toll sent her head spinning and with a heavy heart she saw the holo image fizzle and fade. For a moment she stood still, wondering if the jedi had been right. Her rational mind was telling her this could easily be a trap, but she couldn’t help but worry for her people. She blinked a few times, suppressing her fear and hurt. She struggled to keep from crying. Why must everything in this galaxy be so difficult?</p>
<p>A soft shuffling of a blanket made her look to the left. There was Anakin, perched on one of the benches for the night. Padme immediately shoved her own feelings aside.</p>
<p>“Are you alright?”</p>
<p>“It’s very cold,” he softly said.</p>
<p>Finding an extra blanket next to the chair at the console Padme walked over to Anakin. She tucked him under the blanket. A slight hint of maternal instinct made her act, and internally she smiled at her behaviour. Anakin was a cute little boy, and she liked him. He gave her a pendant made out of a jappoor snippet. After assuring him she would not forget about him he admitted to her he was missing his mother. Sympathy swelled in her heart. She told him to lie down. Carefully she tucked the blanket all around him. Padme kissed his forehead and said goodnight.</p>
<p>Quietly she walked back to the console. She downloaded the message unto a small personal holodisplayer and left the common room. Poor Ani, she thought, so young and already thrown into this cold galaxy. He should not be without his mother. She thought of her own mother back on Naboo. Deep in her thoughts she bumped into someone in the hall, and completely surprised she fell backwards. She couldn’t help but let out a small yelp. Two arms quickly wrapped around her waist and prevented her from falling down entirely. In an instinctive reaction she swung her own arms out. One grabbed a fistful of material, the other clutched at warm skin. Warm skin? In a flash she realized what had happened. And a bright flush crept up her neck and cheeks, flaming her face exactly like her dress.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>Quietly Obi-wan studied the printout of the ship sensor logs. He had extracted parts of the logs right after Qui-gon and Anakin had come back from Mos Eisley. It displayed small representations of Qui-gon and the mystery attacker. Slowly he scrolled through the time index, studying the movement of the two figures. He could easily see which one was his master. The recognized the movements instantly. But the thing that worried him the most was that he recognized some of the moves of the other figure as well. And this could only confirm Qui-gon’s initial assessment. His attacker was trained in the jedi arts. And that could only mean one thing… Obi-wan felt a shiver pass along his spine. He, like every padawan, had learned about the Sith. In the history classes, that is. Not in real life, and they were never supposed to!</p>
<p>Closing his eyes for a second he calmed his nerves. Focus on the moment, Obi-wan, not on your anxieties, he thought. Qui-gon never ending advice sounded through his mind, reminding him of his shortcomings. He sighed. ‘I know I still have a long way to go, master. But what about you?’ Obi-wan felt another shiver pass through him. He had rarely seen his master so out of breath and surprised as he had been right after the encounter with the dark warrior. Although he knew Qui-gon was one of the best jedi knights in the order a small voice in the back of his mind kept whispering to him. Whispers of danger, failure and death. And try as he did, the voice would not leave him.</p>
<p>Suddenly he felt a short warning through the Force. He had been too concentrated on his worries and fears to hear the warning of the Force sooner, and was unable to stop. His arms and body connected to another body. Through his training Obi-wan was able to stay on his feet, but he quickly realized the other was not so fortunate. The yelp he heard confirmed his assumption. Without conscious thought he dropped the pad he was holding and reached out with his arms. He grabbed the other person by the waist, arresting its fall. A hand grabbed the front of his robes, and another clasped itself around his neck. Short nails dug themselves in his flesh, shooting small flares of pain to his mind. Obi-wan had to step forward with his right foot to support the added weight.</p>
<p>When he was convinced his balance was restored and there was no danger of falling he took a look at the identity of the person that he had bumped into. A scarlet blushing face greeted him, and the signature in the Force felt infinitely familiar. Obi-wan’s eyes almost popped out of their sockets.</p>
<p>“Padme!” he whispered loudly, remembering most of the occupants of the ship were asleep.</p>
<p>“Obi-wan! Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry, I wasn’t looking, I—”</p>
<p>“No, Padme, it was my fault! I wasn’t paying attention. If I—”</p>
<p>“No! No, no, no, I was entirely my fault!”</p>
<p>Obi-wan looked at Padme, her face scrunched up with a sincere apology. Suddenly the situation seemed extremely funny to Obi-wan. They were both apologizing over something trivial whilst standing in a position best classified as a dip during a classic dance. A badly executed one. A smile crept up his face, and he couldn’t help but tease her a little.</p>
<p>“Alright handmaiden, you’re right. But why the Queen would employ such clumsy handmaidens I do not know…”</p>
<p>The blush on her cheeks became even darker then before, although with the minimal lighting Obi-wan couldn’t be sure. The hand that was holding his robes let go and swatted his right upper arm.</p>
<p>“Oh! I can’t believe you! Have you no manners in front of a lady?” she whispered in a somewhat shocked and indignant tone.</p>
<p>Obi-wan grinned a little wider. This was just too easy, and it was a nice relief from the stress he had been collecting lately.</p>
<p>“I caught you didn’t I?”</p>
<p>Her eyes grew wide, and he could sense she was looking for an appropriate name to call him. Several passed the revue and all of them weren’t very complimentary.</p>
<p>“Now that’s no language for a lady, Padme.”</p>
<p>If he wasn’t sure of it a minute ago, he was now. He face was almost as red as some of the tones of her dress. ‘Come on, Kenobi, how old are you?’ Taking pity on her he pulled her to her feet. He let go of her waist, but not before noticing how frail she felt. And he guessed it wasn’t her body weight that mainly caused that.</p>
<p>Straightening her dress Obi-wan saw Padme casting around, most likely for something she had dropped. He turned his head around and spotted his own pad. Crouching down he retrieved it. Right next to it laid a small holodisplayer. Realizing it was Padme’s he picked it up. Accidentally his thumb his the play button, and the small holographic figure of Governor Bibble illuminated the hall. After it had played Obi-wan turned it of and looked at Padme. She was looking back at him absolutely stunned and horrified.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>Padme froze, feeling horrified and embarrassed. As if bumping into Obi-wan, holding on to his strong body and clawing into his neck hadn’t been enough. Now it was possible she had blown her cover! She had trouble thinking straight, too much was happening in and around her. In an attempt to compose herself Padme tried to take a few deep breaths, but they came out as short shudders. Her knees felt weak and she was about to fall to the ground for the second time.</p>
<p>And for the second time strong arms wrapped around her waist.</p>
<p>“Come on, let’s set you down for a minute.”</p>
<p>Obi-wan was close enough to her for her to feel his breath on her neck. Again she had the pleasant sensation of warming up, especially the places where he was holding her. The skin of her neck tingled. Obi-wan started walking, but her feet weren’t really complying. Half dragging her he guided her to the nearest room, the galley. He set her down on one of the chairs. She latched unto the surface of the table to keep her balance. Slowly he let go of her. Feeling the solid chair under her helped Padme to get her world under a little control again.</p>
<p>“Better?”</p>
<p>Still a little dazed she looked at Obi-wan. She didn’t feel completely alright yet, but the concern in his voice and eyes made her feel a lot better. She nodded demurely. Obi-wan went around the table to the food dispenser.</p>
<p>“I think a cup of tea would be in order.”</p>
<p>She followed him around, watching him as he gathered two cups, tea and a little sieve. Padme was surprised when he made the tea. Normally on board they would have instant tea. But he was actually taking the time to prepare a proper tea for her. She found that a little thing like that made her feel appreciated, human again. No royal responsibilities, no war to think about. Just Padme, Obi-wan and tea. She laughed softly about that.</p>
<p>“Hey, don’t laugh. I know my way around the kitchen.”</p>
<p>“Oh, it’s not that!” she quickly apologized.</p>
<p>He looked back at her over his shoulder. The lights in the galley were brighter then in the corridor, and this time she didn’t miss the amused glint in his eyes. Relief shot through her like a rocket, and left her feeling immensely better. And to show him this she decided to tease him a little. Again. The rational part of her sighed in confusion, but the emotional part didn’t care.</p>
<p>“Although it is nice to see a man who knows his place.”</p>
<p>She found she really got a kick out of raising the young jedi’s eyebrows, and he didn’t let her down on this one.</p>
<p>“I never knew you handmaidens are so much like the Queen. Bossy.”</p>
<p>The tone of his voice had been gentle and teasing, but his words had sent her insides into a cramp. Did he know? Oh no, this was not good, she thought. She hung her head, looking down at the table. A noise to her left told her Obi-wan had come round the table. A cup of tea entered her vision. Obi-wan’s hand put in directly in front of her. Then his hand retracted and left her field of vision again.</p>
<p>“Drink. It will do you good.”</p>
<p>His voice sounded warm and rich, softly commanding her to do as he told. And for once she didn’t mind taken orders from someone else. For once she let her head hang low and allowed her to be lead by another. And for someone raised since an early age to compete in any political arena and be the ruler of an entire planet, that was no little thing. But she didn’t care. Right now, it didn’t matter. She picked up the cup and took a sip. The herbal tea was warm but not hot, and the delicate taste softly touched her tastebuds.</p>
<p>This jedi knew how to make one hell of a cup of tea.</p>
<p>“I’ll take that as a compliment.”</p>
<p>“You should.” She wasn’t really surprised he had read her thoughts. She knew a little more about jedi since their last encounter. Anakin had literally asked question about the jedi to Qui-gon all evening, even when they had left the table. Jedi were able to pick up the most outspoken thoughts if they were in proximity to the person. Emotions and feelings were more easily read. Qui-gon had told Anakin that jedi masters were quite skilled in sensing thoughts and underlying feelings and motivations. But it took a great deal of practise and experience. But headstrong padawans had to really concentrate hard on the person if they wanted to hear their thoughts. Padme had inwardly bristled a little at his joke at Obi-wan’s expense.</p>
<p>The realization hit her like a speeder. Obi-wan was focusing on her. Carefully she tilted her head to look at him. And found him staring right at her. She gasped almost inaudibly. His eyes were a mass of dancing colors, hues of blue and grey she could not name. She gulped.</p>
<p>“Are you reading my mind, master Kenobi?”</p>
<p>He remained looking at her for a moment longer. Then he sighed and placed himself in the chair next to her.</p>
<p>“Padme, I want to apologize to you.”</p>
<p>‘Huh? He wants to apologize to me? What for?’</p>
<p>“W—Why?”</p>
<p>Obi-wan lowered his gaze to the same spot on the table she had been looking at. Taking a deep breath he continued.</p>
<p>“Because I have read your feelings without asking, and it is something I cannot do to a friend.”</p>
<p>Three questions instantly popped into Padme’s head. When has he read my mind? What does he know? And does he think of me as a friend? The last question was not the most pressing, but strangely invoked the most curiosity and nervousness.</p>
<p>“When have you read my mind?” ‘Start off with the easiest one.’</p>
<p>Obi-wan shook his head. “No, it’s not like that. Well I did read your thoughts just a second ago, but the compliment was a very loud one. Mentally. You didn’t say it, but I had a feeling you were about to.”</p>
<p>True, she thought.</p>
<p>“But that’s not what I meant. I haven’t really read your thoughts. More your feelings. And I acted on those feelings without your knowledge, and it feels like I overstepped my boundaries.”</p>
<p>‘Alright, now I’m confused. He read my feelings and did something because of it. How come I didn’t know about that? And what the hell did he do?’</p>
<p>“Obi-wan, what did you do? And when?”</p>
<p>The padawan sighed. “The other day, when you were cleaning the droid.”</p>
<p>“Okay, now I’m really confused. You said you read my feelings, and did something because of them?”</p>
<p>He nodded, still looking at the table.</p>
<p>“Then how come I didn’t notice?”</p>
<p>A wry smile graced Obi-wan’s lips. “Probably because you have no idea it was something I could do.”</p>
<p>He had her full attention now. She shuffled in her seat a little, scooting to the edge. Her tea forgotten she stared at him intently.</p>
<p>“Tell me.”</p>
<p>“Do you remember after I informed you when we would arrive on Tatooine you went back to cleaning R2?”</p>
<p>Remember, how could she forget? Every moment of the conversation was burned into her memory. She had always been a sponge for knowledge, and her memory was razorsharp. But their first real conversation was something she vividly remembered, without real effort. She nodded at Obi-wan’s question.</p>
<p>“Do you also remember feeling hurt, alone and pained for the people on Naboo?”</p>
<p>“The grime on R2’s plating made me remember…,” she softly whispered, wrapped up in the memory he was asking about.</p>
<p>“Remember feeling pain, a cold pain in your stomach?”</p>
<p>She could only nod. He lifted his head and unexpectedly locked eyes with her. Again she was blown away by the intensity in his eyes. She could see a slight feeling of guilt reflected in the grey tones.</p>
<p>“Remember feeling calm all of a sudden, without any real explanation?”</p>
<p>Force, did she remember that. Her emotions had quieted down and she felt oddly calm. When he had been standing behind her her back had been comfortably warm. But when she had risen from her seat and turned her entire front had been pleasantly warm. All because he was standing…so…close…</p>
<p>“You did that…,” she whispered, slightly in awe.</p>
<p>“Yes, and that is why I wanted to apologize. I had no right to sift through your feelings and use the Force to do something about it.”</p>
<p>Her eyes grew wide. “That was you using the Force?”</p>
<p>He nodded.</p>
<p>“But how?”</p>
<p>“How what?”</p>
<p>“I mean, what did you do exactly?</p>
<p>“I sent you a soothing wave through the Force, dampening your negative feelings.”</p>
<p>“Ah” She really had no idea a jedi was able to do that. But it sounded right to her. It had felt like it. Everything had slowed down, and she had felt utterly calm and at ease. Now it also made sense why the feeling started leaving her when he moved away. Right?</p>
<p>“And I would have felt better only when you were around?”</p>
<p>“No”</p>
<p>“No?” she blurted out, expecting a different answer.</p>
<p>He shook his head. “No. The wave would sooth you for a few moments, then let you continue on your own. I merely meant it to give you a moment of peace.”</p>
<p>Yes, peace! He had certainly given her that! But she had felt it far longer then he was suggesting the Force wave should have worked. And it didn’t explain the warm sensation.</p>
<p>“Obi-wan, can someone feel warm when you send out a wave like that?”</p>
<p>He frowned slightly, she could only guess in deep thought.</p>
<p>“I suppose. But I meant to calm your emotions, not to raise your body temperature.”</p>
<p>“But you could if you wanted to?”</p>
<p>“Yes, it is possible.”</p>
<p>“And the side of my body facing you would feel much warmer then the rest?”</p>
<p>“Eh, no. Your entire body would warm up if I’d do something like that.”</p>
<p>She looked at him, slightly confused and astounded. Only the part of her body facing him had been considerably warmer then before. The only logical conclusion would be that he didn’t do it. But the warmth had come from him, she was sure of it. It had changed sides when she had turned, and he was the source of it, no doubt about it.</p>
<p>“So, I apologize for doing it. And I swear I will not do it again if you do not know about it.”</p>
<p>‘No, no! Don’t apologize, I could never blame you for something that wonderful!’ She reached out and laid her hand on top of his.</p>
<p>“No, Obi-wan, you did nothing wrong! I’m sure you never intended to root through my thoughts without permission. You did what you felt was needed, and I cannot thank you enough for your compassion. It’s good to know someone in the galaxy still cares about their fellow being.”</p>
<p>The relief was clearly evident on his face, and some of it poured into her as well. And she was feeling warm again. Especially her hand.</p>
<p>“I’m glad to hear that.”</p>
<p>The look of gratitude in his eyes was almost too much for her, and she looked away. But she didn’t move her hand, still resting comfortably on top of his. She almost jumped off her seat when she felt his other hand close on top of hers, capturing her hand in between his.</p>
<p>“Now would you care to tell me why you were walking through the corridors this late at night with the holomessage from Governor Bibble?”</p>
<p>‘Blast! I had forgotten about that!’</p>
<p>“I…I…”</p>
<p>She had no idea what to say. It wasn’t an option telling him the truth, there was too much at stake for that. But how could she explain this? He would probably see through any excuse I come up with. A feeling of panic rose up in her. She looked back at Obi-wan.</p>
<p>“I…it’s…please…,” she pleaded.</p>
<p>Obi-wan just stared at her. Although he had assured her he wouldn’t read her thoughts without her permission she felt like he was peering into her soul, slowly breeching every wall she had built to keep the outside world out. But that didn’t scare her. It was just that he could not know of her real identity. Not yet.</p>
<p>“Please…,” she whispered.</p>
<p>She was about to do something drastic, breaking down into tears or yanking her hand away from his and tell him it was none of his concerns the two most likely options. But he moved his left hand of hers and laid it against her cheek. Immediately her cheek heated up, and from his hand spread a wonderful peaceful feeling. The panic disappeared, and her mind settled down again.</p>
<p>Looking in his eyes she thought she saw little pinpricks of light, like small stars, shine brightly for a split second. Then they vanished as quickly as she had spotted them. The blue and grey were still fighting for dominance in his eyes, and she was mesmerized by them. They truly seemed alive to her. His voice was soft, softly bringing her back to reality.</p>
<p>“It’s alright. It’s not my place to ask. I know you miss your home a great deal. But please, do not believe that message. To do so would be to give up hope, and that is something no one should ever do.”</p>
<p>Padme struggled to keep the tears at bay. When did she become so emotional? Where was her infamous control? She lifted her right hand and laid it on top of his left, still resting on her cheek. She couldn’t let this go without telling him something, she owed him as much.</p>
<p>“Obi-wan, I—”</p>
<p>“It’s alright. When the time is right you will tell me, not before.”</p>
<p>Still basking in the warm peace he had brought to her she was relieved. She wanted to tell him, but now was not the time. And the secret was safe, he didn’t know.</p>
<p>“Thank you.”</p>
<p>He nodded and removed his hand. Curiously enough the warm feeling did not disappear.</p>
<p>“I suggest you get some rest, Padme. We’ll be on Coruscant soon, and you’ll need your strength.”</p>
<p>What is it about his voice, the accent and tone, that makes me so obedient? I’d readily jump into a lake if he’d ask it of me in that voice, she idly thought. When he stood up she wanted to say something to keep him here with her, but she couldn’t find any reasonable excuse. Obi-wan moved to the door and typed the pad to open it. He took a last look over his shoulder.</p>
<p>“Goodnight…Padme.”</p>
<p>A shiver ran down her spine. ‘That voice!’ He had somehow turned his voice down a notch, making it even more soft, warm and attractive then it had been before. Right now she wanted nothing more the to hear him say her name once more in that voice, to hear him caress her name with it.</p>
<p>“Goodnight,” she hoarsely whispered.</p>
<p>Then he was gone, and the door softly closed behind him. She closed her eyes.</p>
<p>“Obi-wan…”</p>
<p>Slowly she recapped all the events of this night. In slow motion she replayed their collision. And she came to the conclusion she was right. Where his arms had touched her waist she had been warm. His hands had warmed hers. Her cheek was still burning. Obi-wan was the source of it, the warmth and the peace she was still feeling. It was all Obi-wan.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>Obi-wan rested the back of his head against the cold wall of the corridor. ‘Calm down, Kenobi. Breathe, breathe…’ He tried to clear his head, but failed as the sensations of holding her cheek, feeling her soft skin and looking into her deep brown soulful eyes came flooding back to him. Almost inaudibly he groaned.</p>
<p>‘As if I don’t have enough problems.’</p>
<p>He went and did it again! Once more had he used the Force to sooth her. But when she was looking at him like that, close to tears due to emotional and physical stress he couldn’t help but reach out for her. Maybe Qui-gon was right. Maybe it was right to act on his compassion in situations like that. But his entire being was humming a different tune. It wasn’t compassion that had made him do it. ‘Blast! This just keeps getting better and better!’</p>
<p>He pulled his cloak tightly around him. In a brisk tempo he moved to the quarters he and Qui-gon shared. With a small smile of his face he wearily shook his head.</p>
<p>‘Master always did say I have a tendency to go look for problems…’</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In the end, do you choose for unstable passion, or for peace of heart?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The battle for Naboo</p>
<p>“It’s not disrespect, master. It’s the truth.”</p>
<p>“From your point of view,” Qui-gon pointed out. It served to remind Obi-wan that he was still the master, and knew better then him.</p>
<p>But Obi-wan wasn’t done yet. He knew it could get him into trouble with his master, but dishonesty and keeping things quiet had never been part of their relationship. Something that made them an extraordinary pair of jedi’s, but also prone to have fierce discussions.</p>
<p>“The boy is dangerous. They all sense it, why can’t you?”</p>
<p>“His fate is uncertain,” Qui-gon quickly responded, “he is not dangerous. The council will decide Anakin’s future, that should be enough for you.”</p>
<p>Qui-gon's last words had a sting to it Obi-wan hadn’t heard in a long time, and it hurt him. Evidently Qui-gon did no want his opinion on the matter, and brushed his feelings aside.</p>
<p>“Now get on board.”</p>
<p>Still shocked and hurt Obi-wan wordlessly turned and headed to the ship. His ears could hear Qui-gon talking to Anakin but his mind didn’t register a word he was saying. All he could hear were his own thoughts and feelings. He felt hurt by Qui-gon’s last words. He felt slightly angry because Qui-gon wouldn’t listen to him. And he was feeling anxious, worried that everything was taking a course that would lead them to a dark place. He didn’t blame Anakin, but he couldn’t help but think the boy was dangerous to them all. With a heavy sigh he stepped into the ship and headed to the common room. Mentally checking if there was anything he was supposed to do he headed to the galley. No one needed him for anything for some time, so he would sit and bother no one. Over a cup of tea, that was. And maybe a cookie.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>After take-off Padme unstrapped herself from her seat. She was wearing the orange robes of her handmaidens. Internally she sighed. She hoped there would a time when she could simply enter and leave Coruscant being herself, not constantly disguising herself to outwit any attempts on her life by bounty hunters. She shivered, blaming it on the cold of space they had entered again. She touched Sabé on the shoulder. The decoy queen looked up.</p>
<p>“I’m going to the galley for a moment. I need a warm drink.”</p>
<p>Sabé nodded. Swiftly Padme left the stateroom and walked down the corridors. When she entered the galley she could see the hunched form of Obi-wan sitting in one of the chairs, his head lying on his arms on the table with his face turned away from the door. His little ponytail was sticking out like a painter’s brush, immediately amusing her. She quietly fixed herself a quick cup of tea, and settled herself in the chair next to him. This time she was sitting in the spot Obi-wan had been last time they were here, and he in hers. Deciding they could use a moment of relief she reached out with her right hand and flicked the ponytail with her index finger. It swished back and forth, and she had to clamp down a giggle.</p>
<p>But when Obi-wan didn’t respond nor moved, she frowned.</p>
<p>“Obi-wan?”</p>
<p>He still didn’t stir. Now a little worried she laid her hand on his neck, feeling the short hairs under her palm. Instantly a pleasant warmth crept up her hand, but this time she wasn’t surprised. She still couldn’t explain it, but past experiences had taught her it could and would happen again.</p>
<p>“Obi-wan?”</p>
<p>The moment she laid her hand on his neck she felt him jump, just a fraction of an inch. A moment passes in silence between them before Obi-wan turned his head. When she saw his face she was surprised to see a less then completely controlled jedi. His face was blank, but his eyes held a great deal of confusion and conflicting emotions. For seconds they stared at each other, their eyes locked in an intense gaze. Then he sighed and let his head drop back on his arms.</p>
<p>“It’s nothing.”</p>
<p>“Sure?”</p>
<p>She knew something was bothering him, and she could make a pretty good guess. But it was up to him to share it with her. He had paid her the same respect the last time, and she would offer it to him as well.</p>
<p>“No…”</p>
<p>His voice sounded small to her, something she had never associated with him. He sounded lost and a little alone to her. But the restraint in his tone signalled her that he wasn’t ready to talk about it. So instead of asking him to tell her she picked up her tea and set it down next to him.</p>
<p>“Drink. It will do you good,” she said, in the lowest voice she could manage, trying to imitate his. To her surprise and utter delight he smiled.</p>
<p>“Now who ever said that sort of nonsense?”</p>
<p>She placed the index finger of her left hand to her lips, feigning deep contemplation.</p>
<p>“I’m not sure. I thought it was some very powerful and wise master jedi, but I could be wrong.”</p>
<p>The smile that reached into his eyes made her heart flutter, and a familiar tingle moving along her spine. They sat in a comfortable silence, Padme drinking her tea seeing as Obi-wan made no attempt to take it from her. The warmth from her hand had spread to her wrist and was flowing slowly but steadily up her arm. Padme’s mind was calm, and she could relax again since a long time. The effect this jedi has on me is amazing, she thought. Wonder if I can bottle it and take it home with me. She smiled at that particular reflection. Suddenly her eyes went wide and she froze. Her right hand. It was still lying on top of Obi-wan’s neck. And if her senses weren’t deceiving her she was softly rubbing her fingers in circular motions over his skin.</p>
<p>She was filled with two feelings that didn’t particularly mix well; embarrassment and complete contentment. The first wanted her to remove her hand as quickly as she could, while the second demanded she let her hand stay put. Unable to formulate a plan of action she just sat there. Her fingers were still moving, but the circles had become smaller and a little hesitant. Before the whole thing became too much for her Obi-wan stood up. She gratefully used the change to inconspicuously slide down her hand back to her side and unto the table.</p>
<p>“Thank you for the tea. I have to be going, I have…a lot to do.”</p>
<p>His words sounded a bit rushed, but she understood he needed to be alone for a while. Didn’t mean her heart didn’t give a little pang when he stood up and announced he was leaving. She turned her head away from him and looked at the table. Her insecure side told her she would never see Obi-wan like this again. When she would finally reveal herself as the queen he would become as unreachable to her as the stars. Their positions would not allow them to connect in the way they had in the little time she had gotten to know him.</p>
<p>Throwing all caution into the wind she turned in her chair and faced him. Only to discover he had already left the room. The door closed, signalling he was truly gone. She slumped back into her chair. Silently she sat there, her mind turning to the events to follow. She reached out with her hand and slowly touched the spot on the table Obi-wan had been. With a sigh she stood up and left the galley as well. ‘No time for this, Padme. Not anymore. You have a responsibility as queen.’ The decision she had made to involve the Gungans in their struggle was a simple one, but haunted her already. She knew if they would accept, and even that wasn’t certain yet, many would lose their lives in the upcoming battle. Another shiver ran through her. And this time she couldn’t blame the cold of space for it.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>“I am Queen Amidala.”</p>
<p>A ripple of surprise went through their group. Obi-wan could sense that only a few truly knew of this ploy. A decoy queen was a good strategy, he thought, to keep the real queen safe from bounty hunters. ‘To keep Padme safe…’ In retrospect he suddenly understood why Padme had been burdened so these last few days. When he had spoken to her in the common room, when he had bumped into her in the corridor, both times when they had sat in he galley. Every time he could tell there was something hurting her, a burden on her shoulders no girl of her age would normally bear, not even as a handmaiden. Now it made sense.</p>
<p>He looked to his right and locked gazes with Qui-gon. His master looked at him somewhat surprised, and his expression asked of him if he knew about this. Although the answer wasn’t a yes entirely Obi-wan couldn’t help but smile a little. He certainly had known Padme to be an extraordinary person. One he gladly counted as one of his friends. Then the realization really hit him. She was the queen. And he was here as her official protector. And the two positions did not allow them to befriend each other. Once this was over he would most likely never see her again. She would continue her reign as queen, and he would return to Coruscant to face the trials. Then he would be a jedi knight, roaming the galaxy to spread peace and harmony. He would never see her again.</p>
<p>When her words reached his mind and he saw her kneel down before the Gungan leader he automatically sunk to his knees as well. Qui-gon did the same next to him, and he could sense his master was putting the pieces together on Padme’s deception. Like Obi-wan he came to the same conclusion she had done well to cloak herself before, and to reveal herself now.</p>
<p>For a moment Obi-wan thought the Gungan leader wasn’t convinced by her plea. Narrowing his eyes he tried to read the creatures feelings, but couldn’t get a clear picture. When it started laughing his feeling of unease grew, and even Qui-gon looked up somewhat alerted.</p>
<p>“Yousa no thinkin yousa greater then the Gungans?”</p>
<p>The way it emphasized their people Obi-wan fleetingly thought old racial prejudices would arise. But the Force was still flowing calmly around him, not warning him of anything.</p>
<p>“Meeesa like a thiis.”</p>
<p>Obi-wan could help but smile and glance at his master. It seems like Padme’s course of action had worked, and he felt a little proud of her. The Gungans cheered, and the group rose to its feet again. He saw Padme turn and exchange a few words with Panaka. In a split second Obi-wan caught her eye and managed to wink at her. It seemed the easiest way to convey his praise. And the sudden light in her eyes seemed to suggest she appreciated it. ‘Good. We all need each other support if we are to pull this off.’</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>“It was wise of you not to tell me who you really were, your highness.”</p>
<p>Padme turned, and was greeted by the jedi master, standing with his arms crossed over his chest. She thought he was here to give her a lecture, but his eyes gave away his admiration and respect.</p>
<p>“If I did, master jedi, you wouldn’t have let me do anything. You would have confined me to the starship to assure I would not be harmed.”</p>
<p>He smiled. “I would have. A spaceport on Tatooine is not a place a queen should wander around.”</p>
<p>“But then I wouldn’t have seen anything.” Inspiration struck her. “And my attacker would have sought me out on the ship, perhaps prevailing where he now lost.”</p>
<p>Qui-gon nodded. “Entirely possible. Like I said, it was wise of you to do so.”</p>
<p>Padme smiled and hung her head a little. It was not every day a jedi master would praise her, and she felt greatly honored.</p>
<p>“Master? I have the supplies we brought from the ship.”</p>
<p>Obi-wan’s voice broke their moment. Padme brought up her head and looked him. His hands were filled with equipment they had brought from the ship before they had left it behind. And his eyes were full of…of… She had no idea, but she liked it. She smiled at him, and got a smile in return. Internally she sighed. They were going into war, many would be lost. She needed moments like these to built her strength. Obi-wan always could lift her spirits with just one look from those stormy eyes of him. But it wouldn’t be long before this was all over, and she would never see him again. Either they were dead, or they would both have to return to their lonely roles.</p>
<p>“I’ll be there in a minute, Obi-wan. Lay them out on the hood of the speeder, we will look at them together.”</p>
<p>“Yes, master.”</p>
<p>Obi-wan nodded and headed to the speeder, several feet to their left. Seeing Obi-wan’s back seemed to intensify her thoughts of their imminent separation. A sadness settled in her heart and refused to go away.</p>
<p>“We cannot see the outcome of things, your highness. Even the jedi cannot truly predict the future.”</p>
<p>Qui-gon’s large hand softly grabbed her shoulder and squeezed it lightly. He looked directly at her, and she had a strong feeling he had sensed some of her thoughts.</p>
<p>“Your logic tells you you will never see my padawan ever again. But fate doesn’t listen to logic, your majesty. Perhaps things will turn out quite differently then you might think.”</p>
<p>With these words of wisdom he turned and headed to the speeder to join Obi-wan. Padme stood there a while before she too headed to the speeder to instruct R2 how to display the holographics of the city.</p>
<p>‘I truly hope you’re right, master Jinn. I truly do…’</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>“We’ll handle this.”</p>
<p>Qui-gon’s words were calm, but Padme knew this was going to be a more fierce battle then any of them would face. Once more the dark warrior showed up, intend on destroying her. A warm feeling flooded her from behind. She immediately recognized it as Obi-wan’s presence and reassurance. They would handle it, it clearly conveyed. His added personal guarantee he would not let this monster touch her made her heart swell. She decided to move out of the way as quickly as possible, leaving that dark creature to the jedi.</p>
<p>“We’ll take the long way.”</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>Obi-wan’s world abruptly turned upside down when the Sith kicked him backwards. He stumbled back and hit the metal of the catwalk. He tried to hold unto it until he suddenly no longer felt the catwalk beneath him. Gravity pulled at him and he fell. For a moment he couldn’t regain his balance and twist himself into a favorable position. He almost had some idea of up and down again when his back hit another catwalk hard. The air was forced from his lungs, and again he slid over the side. This time his instincts had kicked into gear again and he grabbed unto the ledge of the catwalk. He dangled for a moment and allowed himself to look down for a split second. He immediately looked back up. ‘That’s a long way down, Kenobi…’</p>
<p>Lightly gathering the Force he pulled himself up and grabbed his lightsaber again. He saw Qui-gon fight the Sith, and although his master was advancing he could see Qui-gon was tiring. Swiftly executing a Force jump Obi-wan reached the catwalk they were dueling on and ran forward to help his master.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>“Put down your weapons. They win this round.”</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>“Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!”</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>“Your little insurrection is at an end, your highness. Time for you to sign the treaty and end this pointless debate in the Senate.”</p>
<p>“Viceroy!”</p>
<p>Padme could have danced a little happy dance when she heard Sabé’s voice, but kept her face straight. As she anticipated the Viceroy ordered his droids to go after Sabé, mistaking her for the real queen. When her handmaiden led her group away from the throne room she quickly moved to the throne. Pushing a button on the side console she grabbed the two hidden blasters. She threw one to Panaka before shooting two droids to her right. Quickly the few remaining droids were dealt with and Panaka’s men had sealed the doors.</p>
<p>“Now, Viceroy, we will discuss a new treaty.”</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>“Whatsa they doing?”</p>
<p>“The controlship has been destroyed. Look!”</p>
<p>Jar Jar shielded himself with his arms as the head of the droid that had been pointer its blaster at him fell off.</p>
<p>“They are brokey.”</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>Sparks flew over Obi-wan’s head. Holding on for dear life he looked up at the monster that had just killed his master in cold blood. It was staring back at him, smug and menacing. Obi-wan knew it looked grim for him. This Sith warrior was an incredible swordsman. He was still amazed he had managed to break its double-sided lightsaber and hold out for so long. But the tables had turned, and now he was hanging from one of the shield emitters positioned above the deep shaft. Fortunately for him they had been deactivated, or he would have been burned to a crisp.</p>
<p>Reaching out with his sense Obi-wan could feel Qui-gon’s lightsaber lying next to his body. Even in this dire situation he could not think about giving up. There was too much at stake, and too many were depending on this. Qui-gon would have wanted him to fight to the bitter end, as they had always done. Anakin needed protection when his master could no longer give it to him. And Padme…Queen Amidala would perish if he failed here.</p>
<p>For a final desperate move he gathered the Force to him. He allowed the thoughts of his master, Anakin and above all Padme to remain in the forefront of his mind, helping him to focus. The Force surged through him like never before, filling him with indescribable power. His face contorted in an expression of intense concentration, focus and righteous anger. He called the lightsaber to him and then leapt from his handhold. He somersaulted over the Sith’s head, catching Qui-gon lightsaber in his hand. He activated it, and the moment his feet touched the floor he made a deadly midriff swipe at his opponent. A fine red mist sprayed up from the Sith’s body. Reacting to gravity’s pull it began falling backwards, into the shaft.</p>
<p>The adrenaline pumping through his veins as Obi-wan watched the body fall backwards. His mind was oddly quiet, the thought that the fight was over not entering his conscious mind yet. Dissected at the middle the Sith’s body parted, and the two pieces fell the long way down the shaft. Still breathing heavily Obi-wan blinked a few times, and with it came the realization he had won. He was still alive and the Sith was no more. Instant relief filled him. He had accomplished his task, one he had thought he wasn’t capable of. The first time this creature had appeared his master had been surprised and almost overwhelmed. Even now, when Qui-gon had fought it…over…the walkways…Qui-gon!</p>
<p>His thumb automatically deactivated the blade of Qui-gon’s lightsaber, and instantly Obi-wan ran to his master’s side. He put his hand under Qui-gon’s head and back and lifted him up, holding him close to his body. When he heard his master take a shallow breath he almost burst into tears. He was still alive!</p>
<p>“It…It’s too late…It…”</p>
<p>“No!”</p>
<p>He would not hear of it. The healers of this planet could surely help him, they must.</p>
<p>“Obi-wan…”</p>
<p>Stop speaking, master, save your strength, Obi-wan thought.</p>
<p>“Promise…”</p>
<p>Trying to still all the screaming voices in his head Obi-wan focused on his dying master.</p>
<p>“Promise me you will train the boy.”</p>
<p>“Yes, master,” Obi-wan immediately responded.</p>
<p>Qui-gon reached up and brushed his finger lightly over Obi-wan’s lips and chin. Obi-wan’s heart broke by this small affectionate touch. It reminded him of all the times Qui-gon had held him, comforted him, consoled him. These were the moments Obi-wan truly thought Qui-gon was his father. Not his master, or his fellow jedi, but his father, forever looking out for him.</p>
<p>“He…is the Chosen One.”</p>
<p>Qui-gon’s hand rested on top of Obi-wan’s. Already the fingertips were growing cold.</p>
<p>“He…will bring balance. Train him…”</p>
<p>Obi-wan nodded quickly, to assure Qui-gon he would honor his last wish. But he could see his master’s eyes closing and his head slipping away from him. Obi-wan caught his cheek in his hand. He felt through the Force that Qui-gon, the master that had chosen him so many years ago as his apprentice, the jedi he had fought with side by side in so many conflicts and battles, the father that had always kept him safe, let go and his spirit joined with the Force. A strong swell in the Force surrounded him for a moment, before ebbing away. Obi-wan brought his face down to rest against Qui-gon’s forehead. Qui-gon’s passing brought on the tears, and quietly he sobbed over his dead master’s body. Everything stopped existing to Obi-wan as he unwantedly traveled down the vast collection of his memories, reliving and mourning every moment he had shared with Qui-gon in his life.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In the end, do you choose for unstable passion, or for peace of heart?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Goodbye</p>
<p>Padme had finished her talk with Supreme Chancellor Palpatine and was anxious to get away. She had nothing against the Chancellor, but she really wanted to go and see how Obi-wan was doing. When they had found him he was holding his deceased master’s body close to him, staring off into the distance. He had given the body up to be ritually burned, a custom on Naboo reserved for royalty. She had given the order for this to be done as a last sign of respect to the jedi master. But in the aftermath of the battle she got caught up in so many briefings and talks she was unable to go see Obi-wan and talk to him. Finally she had seen him when the Chancellor’s ship had come, bearing Palpatine and the jedi council to Naboo. But he had seemed distant, detached, cold almost. She assumed it was his way to disguise and hide his grief in front of his masters.</p>
<p>At last she was able to excuse herself from Palpatine’s presence. Swiftly she took off to her quarters, followed by her handmaidens. In her private chambers she quickly ordered Rabé to pull one of her most simple dresses out of the wardrobe and Sabé to undo her hair and make-up. She wanted to go to Obi-wan as Padme, not as Queen Amidala. Blessing her handmaidens for not asking questions she cleaned her face, put on a light touch of perfume and changed her clothes.</p>
<p>Taking only Sabé along she headed to Obi-wan quarters. Halfway down the hall she stopped. Of course he wouldn’t be in there, she thought, the council was talking to him at the moment. Groaning she let her shoulders slump. He wouldn’t be available till late afternoon, and by then she needed to attend more functions, as well as dinner with Palpatine. Sabé’s hand on her shoulder made her jump.</p>
<p>“He’s in one of the private conference rooms, milady, talking to master Yoda.”</p>
<p>She grabbed her handmaiden’s hand and squeezed it, smiling at her.</p>
<p>“What would I do without you?”</p>
<p>Sabé smiled back at her. “Play your own decoy?”</p>
<p>Padme’s smile grew wider. “Now that is reverse psychology.”</p>
<p>Sabé pushed her shoulder forward, nudging Padme in the right direction. They walked down the corridors to the room where Obi-wan was conversing with Yoda. A few feet from the door Sabé stopped and positioned herself behind one of the columns decorating the hallway. She nodded at Padme, indicating she could go on without her. Padme nodded back, thanking her for the privacy she was giving them. Just outside the door Padme halted, hearing the voices of Yoda and Obi-wan. She knew it was a private discussion about jedi matters but her emotional side reasoned that this particular jedi mattered to her and she as queen was allowed to hear these things. She could admit her reasoning was flawed, but curiosity got the better of her.</p>
<p>“…on you, the level of jedi knight, the council does.”</p>
<p>‘They made Obi-wan a real jedi knight? How wonderful for him!’</p>
<p>“But agree on your taking this boy as your padawan learner I do not.”</p>
<p>‘Are they talking about Ani?’ Padme knew Qui-gon wanted to train the boy. And she knew all Anakin wanted was to be a jedi.</p>
<p>“Qui-gon believed in him.”</p>
<p>There was a pause. Padme stayed rooted to the spot, far enough from the door to appear waiting patiently for one of the people inside, but close enough to hear most of the words of their discussion.</p>
<p>“The Chosen One, the boy may be. Never the less, grave danger I fear in his training.”</p>
<p>“Master Yoda, I gave Qui-gon my word. I will train Anakin.”</p>
<p>When has he done that, she wondered. Suddenly she could imagine Qui-gon asking Obi-wan with his dying breath to train Anakin. She dearly hoped it had not happened like that. It would place an incredible heavy burden on Obi-wan’s shoulders.</p>
<p>“Without the approval of the council if I must.”</p>
<p>Obi-wan’s words floated back to her, in a way confirming that Qui-gon had left the responsibility of Anakin’s training squarely on Obi-wan. She could hear the fierce loyalty to his master in his voice. She prayed master Yoda would not turn away from Obi-wan and deny his request.</p>
<p>“Qui-gon’s defiance, I sense in you. Need that you do not.”</p>
<p>She listened intently, waiting for the diminutive master’s response.</p>
<p>“Agree with you the council does.”</p>
<p>Padme exhaled silently, relieved to hear his answer.</p>
<p>“Your apprentice, Skywalker, will be.”</p>
<p>The room was silent for a moment. Then she heard the small tap of Yoda’s walking stick on the floor, and realized he was heading towards the door. She was about to step back when Obi-wan called out.</p>
<p>“Master Yoda?”</p>
<p>The clicking sound stopped, and she guessed Yoda had stopped in his tracks.</p>
<p>“A question you have, Knight Kenobi?”</p>
<p>“Yes, master. I wondered… Is it possible that the Force can channel warmth through a person?”</p>
<p>Her heart skipped a beat. Slowly she took a step closer to the door.</p>
<p>“Explain, to me.”</p>
<p>She heard a faint rustling of clothes, and she imagined Obi-wan shifting his position a little.</p>
<p>“When we were on our way from Tatooine to Coruscant I sensed…one of the queen’s handmaidens was emotionally distressed. I used the Force to soothe her. When I touched her skin she instantly warmed up where I was touching her, I could feel it. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but it happened again sometime later. This time her hand touched me, and both she and I felt a warm sensation permeate our bodies.”</p>
<p>She held her breath to be as quiet as possible. ‘He had felt that too!’</p>
<p>“Mmm, unusual that is.”</p>
<p>Padme’s heart was beating wildly against her ribcage. She couldn’t believe that he had felt it too. Suddenly it made perfect sense why he had reacted the way he did in the galley the second time they had sat there.</p>
<p>“Perhaps a message, the Force was giving you. But know this for certain, I do not. Meditate on this, Obi-wan. Keep me informed of this you will.”</p>
<p>“Yes, master.”</p>
<p>When she heard the clicking on the floor again she backed away from the door and took two steps towards Sabé. Only now did she notice that her handmaiden was conversing with one of the palace guards. He face was grim, and she was holding a small datapad. Before Padme had the chance to ask her what was going on Master Yoda opened the door and walked out. Turning on her heels she made a courteous bow to him.</p>
<p>“Master Yoda, it is good to see you.”</p>
<p>His ear perked up. “Queen Amidala. An honor to see you, it is.”</p>
<p>With an acknowledging nod she let him pass by her. Right after he walked by Sabé approached her and pressed the datapad into her hands.</p>
<p>“Milady, you need to read this.”</p>
<p>The urgent tone in her voice made her worry, but right now there was something else she intended to do first.</p>
<p>“I will read it later, Sabé.”</p>
<p>“Of course, milady, but do not leave it too long. It needs your full attention.”</p>
<p>With a small frown she held the datapad in her left hand and walked back to the room Obi-wan was in. She found him sitting in one of the chairs at a small table. He had pulled it away from the table, and was looking out the large windows into the evening sky. Quietly she closed the door behind her. When she turned back he was looking at her. The setting sun cast a golden glow over his form. He was sitting partially turned to the window, and the light caused his hair to shine. His face was half in shadows, but she could clearly see his eyes. And as the times before they fascinated her.</p>
<p>Realizing he was expecting her to explain why she was here she cleared her throat.</p>
<p>“Knight Kenobi, it’s good to see you.”</p>
<p>Unconsciously she addressed him as a jedi knight, not thinking how his recent promotion wasn’t public knowledge yet. He minutely lifted his eyebrow and a half smile formed on his lips.</p>
<p>“Have you been listening aside the door, milady?”</p>
<p>Padme felt a flush creep up her neck and cheeks, effectively answering Obi-wan’s question. His chuckle didn’t help abate her embarrassment either.</p>
<p>“I should have known, curiosity is one of your more adventurous sides…”</p>
<p>She hung her head, but couldn’t help but smile in return.</p>
<p>“I needed to know how you were doing, Knight Kenobi.”</p>
<p>“Obi-wan”</p>
<p>She raised her head at his answer. He was still sporting a sexy half smile, a small light in his eyes she could see but not identify.</p>
<p>“My name hasn’t changed with the title.”</p>
<p>Padme bit her lip lightly. She was feeling a little giddy right now. There he was, being the newly minted jedi knight he was, and still he granted her the right to call him by his first name.</p>
<p>“How have you been, Obi-wan?” Her voice was soft, afraid that if she spoke louder he would not answer and leave her.</p>
<p>He sighed. “I’m holding up. A lot has happened, and more will come.”</p>
<p>She nodded. She knew exactly what he meant.</p>
<p>“If you need some privacy to work I’ll be more the happy to leave, milady.”</p>
<p>‘What? No! You cannot leave, I came to see you, and see if you’re alright, and I’m not done yet! Why would you say this?’ Then she noticed he was discretely pointing at the datapad in her hand. She had forgotten about it, but Sabé’s words suddenly echoed through her mind. She held up her hand to him.</p>
<p>“No, please, stay. It will only be a moment.”</p>
<p>Obi-wan nodded and settled himself in the chair. Padme knew he had enough on his mind and probably relished the opportunity to quietly sit somewhere to think and relax. Satisfied he wasn’t about to leave she looked at the datapad. It was a report over the camps the Neimoidians had organized in their absence. She knew many had been transported to the camps, but she had been spared the death toll up till now. Truthfully she didn’t want to know, but her position demanded her to deal with such horrible facts. The information on the datapad only told her of four specific deaths caused by the explosion of a proximity mine on the outskirts of one of the camps. A family that had been escorted to the camp had accidentally strayed from the path, and triggered the mine. When she read the names of her uncle, aunt and two nieces her heart froze. Her mind went numb, refusing to accept that a big part of her family had died. Her fingers began to tremble slightly, only barely holding on to the datapad.</p>
<p>“Milady?”</p>
<p>Upon hearing Obi-wan’s voice she turned to him. The trembling had spread from her fingers to her whole hand. She could feel the tears gathering in her eyes, but the numbness of her mind prevented them from falling. She didn’t want to accept the fact that they were dead yet.</p>
<p>“Padme?”</p>
<p>The datapad fell from her hand and clattered to the ground. Obi-wan was up in a flash. He stopped just short of her and reached out his hand. He didn’t touch her but held his hand close to her shoulder, not touching her without permission.</p>
<p>“Padme, what’s wrong?”</p>
<p>Not thinking or saying a word she raised her own hand and laid it over his collarbone. Softly she pushed him back. With a slight frown he stepped back. But she kept pushing him. Slowly they stepped until the back of his knees hit the chair he had been sitting in. Padme changed the direction she was pushing in and pressed Obi-wan down. Complying Obi-wan sat down, a confused and expectant look in his eyes.</p>
<p>His eyes went wide when she sat down on his lap. She pulled up her feet and placed them on the side of the chair next to the thighs. She curved her right hand protectively around her waist and with her left she grabbed a fistful of his robes. When she laid her head on his shoulder, pressing her nose into his neck, she could feel the warmth she had been seeking. It flowed through her, thawing out her heart and mind. And with it came the tears. But she didn’t hold back anymore. She had been emotionally and physically stressed by their battle and all the things that had happened afterwards. She had been running on her reserves, ready to collapse any moment. The news her uncle and his family had died was the straw that broke her back, and she came crashing down. Through her tears and sobs she blessed Obi-wan for being here. He was almost the only one with who she could be the girl behind the queen. She broke down completely when she felt him drape his outer cloak over them, concealing her within a cocoon of his being. His cheek rested on top of her head. His right hand held his cloak tightly wrapped around them, shutting out the outside world. His left hand slid over her right hand and his strong fingers closed around her arm.</p>
<p>They sat like that for an eternity it seemed. Her tears had eventually run dry, but she couldn’t bring herself to move. She was completely drained of her energy and all she wanted to do was lay there in his arms and forget. Forget about everything. All the deaths, her responsibility, the future. She wasn’t up for it. She felt too young, too inexperienced, too foolish. If she could give it all up and live in ignorance she would have. Her rational mind told her she couldn’t do that, but it couldn’t drown out the voice of her emotional side that was wailing loudly. It made her feel weak and useless.</p>
<p>“Padme”</p>
<p>His voice was low and full of concern. It reminded of the tone of voice he had used on her that day in the galley. A small shiver ran down her spine.</p>
<p>“Padme, are alright?”</p>
<p>She knew he would mistake the shiver for a sign of discomfort, not one of delight. But she couldn’t find her voice to tell him she was alright. Or to tell him his voice was shooting shivers of pleasure down her spine. Oh no, she really couldn’t do that.</p>
<p>“Padme, what was on the datapad?”</p>
<p>His question elicited another couple of sobs and tears from her, and she felt him tightening his hold on her. Strengthened by his support she cleared her throat softly. In a hushed voice she barely recognized as her own she told him about her uncle Bowen, aunt Solia and her two young nieces, Caré en Yane. She told him about their demise caused by the mine, about the last time she had seen them and of all the times she had been to their house. Not once did he interrupt her, or made any move to rearrange himself in the chair. He held her tightly and gave no indication of letting go. It comforted her in such a profound way she found herself wishing he would never let go of her. After she was done she fell silent again, just wanting to sit there and forget.</p>
<p>Now her mind had quieted down and her emotion had some semblance of control again she turned her thoughts to Obi-wan. Being so close to him she could feel his own grief. It was a strange feeling. She could almost see the hole in his heart, lying with her cheek on his chest. And without asking she knew he was thinking about Qui-gon. With some trouble she let go of his robes with her left hand. She then reached up and laid her palm on the side of his neck. Softly she stroked his cheek with her thumb.</p>
<p>“Tell me…,” she whispered.</p>
<p>His chest heaved as he took a deep breath. Then slowly he started telling her about Qui-gon. How they had met, the adventures they had together. His voice did not falter, but every now and then Padme wiped away a tear with her thumb. She couldn’t see his face, but didn’t need to. She knew his eyes would hold a forlorn look, the same her eyes had undoubtedly had hold just moments ago.</p>
<p>When he reached the part of their duel with the Sith his voice trailed off. Her imagination painted her a gruesome picture of the dark monster impaling Obi-wan’s noble master on its crimson burning lightsaber. She shuddered and pulled herself closer, pressing her nose and forehead tighter into his neck. After a brief silence he continued, telling her how it had ended. Her heart leapt with pride as he told her how he had managed to defeat the Sith. It sounded so unbelievable and amazing to her.</p>
<p>As he told her of Qui-gon’s last request she internally sighed. How she had hoped it hadn’t happened as she had feared. On the one hand she could understand Qui-gon’s motivation to ask it of Obi-wan. Anakin had been denied training by the jedi council, he had told her so on the way from Coruscant to Naboo. It pleased her that Qui-gon had looked out for the boy and wanted him to have a future. But on the other hand his training would be a heavy burden for Obi-wan. Perhaps too much for his age.</p>
<p>“And you’re going to train him?”</p>
<p>“I will not break my word to Qui-gon.”</p>
<p>His words had a hard edge to them, one that told her he was already feeling the weight of his coming burden. She, reluctantly, pulled away from him to look him in the eye. His eyes were still slightly moist, but exuded a grim determination. She let her left hand slide down his jaw line.</p>
<p>“I know.”</p>
<p>At her soft words he softened again. She knew he hadn’t meant to be harsh to her, he was handling as much grief, sadness and responsibility as she was. He closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again he looked at her, his eyes filled with affection, sadness and a little guilt.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“Don’t be,” she whispered.</p>
<p>Their faces were just a few inches apart. Little by little she trailed her left index finger up his cheek until it was almost touching the right corner of his lips. For a second she switched her gaze from his eyes to his lips. When her finger moved a little further she looked him in the eye again, nervous about his reaction. His face was relaxed and showed no real reaction to her little excursion, but his eyes… This time no gray was visible, just waves of cerulean and sapphire mixing with a midnight blue. His eyes seemed deep wells, letting her see into his very soul. She didn’t believe in many clichés, but he held the most expressive eyes she had ever seen, and was sure she could see his soul.</p>
<p>She was about to move her finger an inch further and hope for a reaction when she heard the door open behind her, and someone clear their throat. She snapped her head around and saw Sabé standing with her back to them. Embarrassment rose in her and set her cheeks aflame. But her embarrassment was tinged with satisfaction when Obi-wan’s arm did not let go of hers under his cloak. She blinked a few times to clear her head.</p>
<p>“Yes, Sabé?”</p>
<p>She was relieved her voice sounded normal and strong.</p>
<p>“Milady, you are expected to dine with Supreme Chancellor Palpatine in half an hour. Your other appointments have been rescheduled.”</p>
<p>‘Half an hour? When I went looking for Obi-wan I had at least three hours left before going to that dinner. I now have half an hour left!’</p>
<p>“Thank you, Sabé. I will join you outside in a moment.”</p>
<p>“Yes, milady.”</p>
<p>Padme could hear amusement in her handmaiden’s voice, but before she could call her on it Sabé had already left the room and shut the door behind her. She turned back to Obi-wan, curious again.</p>
<p>“Do you have a timepiece?”</p>
<p>He nodded slightly. “Yes, it’s on my belt. Right side, second pocket.”</p>
<p>Without hesitation she dropped her left hand and patted his belt in search of the second pocket. She brushed her fingers over his lightsaber. For a split second she pondered if she should make the age-old joke concerning the other ‘lightsaber’, but quickly decided against it. Her rational mind screamed at her not to, since she was already sitting in his lap and had been exploring his lips before Sabé had entered. No need to throw explosives into the fire, she thought. Finally she found the pocket, and the small timepiece inside. It told her that indeed three hours had passed. She chalked it up as another incredible thing happening to her in the last couple of days. She put it back into his pocket and faced him again.</p>
<p>“I have to go.”</p>
<p>‘Damn, he’s wearing that sexy half smile again.’</p>
<p>“I know.”</p>
<p>‘Damn, that voice again!’</p>
<p>She gulped. “Then perhaps you could…” She trailed off at the end, halfheartedly gesturing at his robe and her place on his lap.</p>
<p>His grin grew at her predicament and he made no sign of moving. Narrowing her eyes a little she huffed and pulled gently on his padawan braid. His eyes twinkling he finally took pity on her. Releasing his hold he threw open his cloak, and moved his arm off hers. Gingerly she placed her feet back unto the ground and lifted herself up. She took a moment to straighten out her dress. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Obi-wan hadn’t moved an inch, and was still sporting a saucy grin. It sent butterflies to her stomach.</p>
<p>“When will I see you again?”</p>
<p>This cleared the smile off his face, much to her disappointment.</p>
<p>“At the funeral I suppose.”</p>
<p>She had no idea what to say or do. The mantles of their roles were suddenly back on their shoulders, and it broke them apart. She reached out and took his right hand into her own. Giving it a light squeeze she nodded. Her heart felt a bit lighter when he squeezed back. Knowing there was nothing she could do further now she let go of his hand and moved to the door. She opened it and was about to step through when she stopped in her track. An intense feeling of reaching out to him again, seeing him again, even touching him again overwhelmed her. She saw Sabé giving her a curious look from the hall. Closing her eyes for a moment she suppressed the feeling, knowing there was no time for it now. With renewed determination she stepped out of the room and closed the door behind her.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>‘By the Force…’</p>
<p>Obi-wan let his head fall back against the chair with a small thud. Breathing deeply he tried to regain control of his swirling emotions and raging hormones. It had taken quite some selfcontrol not to let his body respond to hers. ‘A beautiful young woman on your lap will do that to you, Kenobi.’ He sighed. ‘And especially that one…’</p>
<p>The warmth he had felt when she nuzzled his neck had been familiar, and greatly comforting. He wondered if master Yoda was right in telling him the Force was giving him a message. Master Yoda wasn’t wrong often, especially concerning the Force. But what would the message be? With a heavy sigh he closed his eyes. As if his life wasn’t complicated enough…</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>“Alright, Anakin. You go to the landing pad and wait for me in the Chancellor’s ship. I have one more thing to do.”</p>
<p>“Okay”</p>
<p>The boy sounded a little down to Obi-wan. Remembering how Qui-gon had always managed to lift his spirits when he had been depressed about something he tried to improve the boy’s mood.</p>
<p>“Save me a seat, will you?”</p>
<p>This elicited a small smile from Anakin. Good, Obi-wan thought.</p>
<p>“Yes, master.”</p>
<p>The door closed and he was gone. But his words still resounded through Obi-wan’s mind. Master. Yes, he was someone’s master now. He turned to finish the pack containing Qui-gon’s belongings. Shaking his head he still couldn’t believe it. It would take time to get used to it, he reckoned. When he heard the door open behind him he thought Anakin had returned.</p>
<p>“I thought I told you to save me a seat o—”</p>
<p>He found himself looking at the person he had been avoiding a little before his departure. Not that he wanted too, but he felt it was necessary in order for him to leave. If she made another move like she had done the other day he would not have the willpower to leave. He gulped.</p>
<p>“Padme”</p>
<p>She was dressed like one of her handmaidens, in the flame colored dress he had seen her in a few times before. But this time she had left the cowl of her dress off her head, and her rich dark chestnut hair fell over her shoulders and back. Her expression was guarded, but he could clearly sense the disappointment, longing and sadness in her. Her voice sounded even, in an effort to appear royal and unaffected.</p>
<p>“Going without saying goodbye, Knight Kenobi?”</p>
<p>His heart broke seeing her like this. He cursed both their roles for forcing them into this separation. He felt his own heart tugging at him to stay here, forget about the jedi and live his life with this beautiful petite woman. But his head told him he couldn’t.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, milady.”</p>
<p>He could see a flicker of pain pass behind Padme’s eyes, but it quickly disappeared.</p>
<p>“Very well. I wish you a pleasant journey, Knight Kenobi.”</p>
<p>She turned and moved to open the door. But Obi-wan quickly stepped forward and caught her right wrist in his left hand. Turning her around he ignored the look of surprise and indignation on her face and pulled her close to him. He wrapped his right arm around her waist and placed his left hand on the back of neck. For a split second she tensed, resisting the embrace. But quickly her hands rose up and linked together behind his neck. Her head pressed into his shoulder. Softly he caressed her hair with his left hand.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry, Padme…”</p>
<p>She remained silent, but he could feel she was battling against her tears. He pulled slightly away from her. Her eyes were indeed moist and she looked very sad. He laid his forehead against hers.</p>
<p>“Please don’t cry.”</p>
<p>“I don’t want you to leave, Obi-wan.”</p>
<p>“I know…”</p>
<p>“What if I’d resign as queen and go with you to Coruscant?”</p>
<p>Her voice sounded desperate. He minutely shook his head.</p>
<p>“Then I would still be a jedi, and you would be miserable. You need to stay here on Naboo, it is your home.”</p>
<p>“But without you…I don’t want to be queen anymore.”</p>
<p>In an instant it was clear to Obi-wan what he needed to do, even though it would break his heart forever. He could not leave her like this, and she needed to stay here and serve her people. Although she was strong and wise, emotionally she was still a child. He barely considered himself a full adult, and he had matured beyond his years by all the things he had seen in his life as a jedi. Drawing on the Force for strength he pulled his right arm off her waist. With a single tear in his eye he placed his palm on her cheek.</p>
<p>“You will remain queen.”</p>
<p>For a moment she just stared at him, her expression blank. When she answered him her voice was even and flat.</p>
<p>“I will remain queen.”</p>
<p>His voice came out a little hoarse, broken with the emotions he was feeling.</p>
<p>“You will forget about me.”</p>
<p>When she repeated his second Force suggestion her words completely shattered his heart, but he knew it had to be done.</p>
<p>“I will forget about you.”</p>
<p>Obi-wan closed his eyes in defeat and gently pushed her away. He turned and grabbed his pack. Then without a word he walked past Padme. Standing in the door opening he glanced over his shoulder.</p>
<p>“Goodbye, Padme…”</p>
<p>Quickly he stepped out while his resolve was still there. The door closed behind him, separating him from the incredible young woman on the other side. Walking down the corridors he tried to release all his emotions into the Force like he had learned from a very young age. The Force flowed through him and took away his immediate pain and sadness. But a small ache in his heart remained, an ache the Force refused to purge from him. Fairly certain the masters wouldn’t pick up on it he entered the Chancellor’s ship. He took the seat next to Anakin, thanking him for saving it for him. The boy’s happy smile made him smile outwardly, but inside he was torn to shreds. He closed his eyes when he felt the ship liftoff and fly away from Naboo.</p>
<p>‘Goodbye, Padme…goodbye.’</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In the end, do you choose for unstable passion, or for peace of heart?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Reunion</p>
<p>Briskly Padme was walking down the corridor of the Senate building towards their appointment with Chancellor Palpatine. The other members of the Loyalist Committee were walking next to, trying to keep up with the young Senator. It hadn’t been long since she stepped down as Queen of Naboo, and donned the role of Senator for her home. All the politics she had been trained in now flourished as she entered an arena she had always wanted to be in, the Galactic Senate.</p>
<p>In this newly formed committee were a few Senators who were strongly opposed to the formation of an Army of the Republic. She had been the first to show her support to this cause, and was pleased when a handful of Senators followed her. It pleased her greatly that Bail Organa, the ruler of Alderaan, followed her lead. She respected the man immensely, and they found themselves often sharing the same opinion on matters in the Senate.</p>
<p>Jar Jar Binks was stumbling along behind her. After the battle for their home nearly ten years ago he had stayed at her side as her Gungan representative. He had told her his lifedebt to Qui-gon was technically fulfilled when the jedi master died, but he knew the man would have wanted him to continue serving her instead. She had accepted, touched by his candid offering of friendship. He wasn’t the smartest creature, but his loyalty made up for it.</p>
<p>They reached the secretary of the Chancellor, a Rodian by the name of Dar Wac. Clearing her throat she announced themselves.</p>
<p>“I am Senator Amidala. Please inform the Chancellor that the Loyalist Committee is here to see him.”</p>
<p>Although he had seen her a couple of times Padme thought it polite to introduce her. Manners had been a big part of her life, and she found it a trade not many people wanted to uphold any more. A shame, she thought.</p>
<p>The Rodian opened a holo-channel to the office of Chancellor Palpatine. Receiving confirmation that they could enter Padme quickly walked up to the door. She was anxious get things started. The reason why she was here weighed heavily on her. That weight had doubled with feelings of guilt over the death of her handmaiden, Cordé. In her mind she knew that none of it was her fault, but her heart just couldn’t forget the light disappearing from Cordé’s eyes. She rarely focused on that moment in an attempt to put it behind her, because every time she did think about it she would burst into tears. And now was no time for a Senator to show weakness. So she shut it behind tight walls in her mind, and focused on the more pressing matters at hand.</p>
<p>From a side corridor Mas Amedda walked up to them and together the entered the office. She paid little attention to the Vice Chairmen of the Senate. In all honesty she didn’t particularly like him all that much. She suspecting him of bribery, but he was careful enough not to leave any trails. He had served under Chancellor Valorum, and now under Palpatine. Usually a change like that caused a completely new staff, but somehow he had maintained his position. Stepping over the threshold of the door she quickly turned her thoughts to the present. She could see several jedi masters sitting in front of Palpatine’s desk. She easily recognized the master currently walking towards her. His height, color and appearance were not easily forgotten.</p>
<p>“Senator Amidala.”</p>
<p>She looked at the small jedi master before her. Because he was standing up the steps she didn’t have to look down as much as usual. She smiled kindly to him.</p>
<p>“Your tragedy on the landing platform, terrible.”</p>
<p>His words of sympathy quickly evoked feelings of sadness and guilt, but she clamped them down.</p>
<p>“Seeing you alive brings warm feelings to my heart.”</p>
<p>She was comforted that the great master Yoda was glad she was unharmed. It had always been her policy to make friends wherever she could, and she counted the jedi master as a valuable friend. Seeing an opportunity for some clarification she addressed him about the attack.</p>
<p>“Do you have any idea who is behind this attack?”</p>
<p>“Our intelligence points to disgruntled spice miners on the moons of Naboo.”</p>
<p>The deep voice of master Mace Windu brought her the answer she sought, but it didn’t feel right to her.</p>
<p>“I think Count Dooku is behind it,” she said.</p>
<p>“He is a political idealist, not a murderer,” master Ki-Adi-Mundi interjected.</p>
<p>“You know, milady, Count Dooku was once a jedi,” Mace Windu added, “He couldn’t assassinate anyone. It’s not in his character.”</p>
<p>She looked intently at Mace, absorbing the information he had just provided. Dooku was an ex-jedi? So how come he was so certain Dooku wouldn’t kill anyone, especially if he left the jedi order.</p>
<p>“But for certain, Senator, in grave danger you are.”</p>
<p>That was the only assessment she could agree upon.</p>
<p>“Master jedi?”</p>
<p>Palpatine’s voice interrupted them all and drew immediate attention. He was standing near the window, looking out into the busy interior of Coruscant.</p>
<p>“May I suggest the Senator be placed under the protection of your graces?”</p>
<p>For a moment Padme couldn’t believe Palpatine’s words. She was to be placed under the protection of the jedi Order? She had her own protection, she didn’t need some babysitter, even if it was one of the best warriors in the galaxy. They were needed elsewhere and she would not allow a jedi to be out of commission just to stay at her side.</p>
<p>“You really think that’s a wise decision under these stressful times?”</p>
<p>Bail stepped forward and voiced his opinion. Padme heard it but had her own answer ready to respond.</p>
<p>“Chancellor, if I may comment, I do not believe the situation—”</p>
<p>But Palpatine cut her off, drowning out her last words.</p>
<p>“The situation is that serious.” He turned fully and walked towards them. “No, but I do, Senator. I realize all too well that additional security might be disruptive for you, but…perhaps someone you are familiar with? An old friend, like…Master Kenobi.”</p>
<p>The instant he said the jedi’s name something sparked inside her. A flash of heat exploded in her heart, and she had the distinct feeling of remembrance. But no memory formed in her mind. A little confused she quickly pushed aside the feeling when master Windu spoke up.</p>
<p>“That’s possible,” Mace responded, “He’s just returned from a border dispute on Antion.”</p>
<p>‘That’s all fine and well, but I still oppose to a jedi acting as my bodyguard.’ She was about to raise her voice in protest again when Palpatine spoke.</p>
<p>“Do it for me, milady, please. The thought of losing you…is unbearable.”</p>
<p>She looked the Chancellor directly in the eye. She could see he was determined to have her under the protection of the jedi. She thought she could see compassion in his eyes, but the dull color made it hard for anything to appear tangible. Realizing there was no way she could deny his request she acquiesced. Biting her tongue she listened to Mace as he spoke to her.</p>
<p>“I’ll have Obi-wan report to you immediately, milady.”</p>
<p>Holding back a sigh she bowed her head slightly at the courteous bow he gave her. “Thank you, master Windu.”</p>
<p>The jedi left the room. Master Yoda was last to step out the door, and at exactly the same time she and he looked back over their shoulders. They shared a glance, before he turned and slowly walked away. She wasn’t sure what his eyes had held during their brief encounter, but a small shiver ran down her spine. Something told her this was not going to be a simple deal. Then Bail proceeded and she was drawn back into the world of politics again.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>“Yes, master Windu. I understand. We will do as the council requests of us.”</p>
<p>Obi-wan switched off the comlink. He picked up his brown outer cloak that was lying on the coach. Shrugging it on he called out to his apprentice.</p>
<p>“Anakin? We just received a new assignment, we will be leaving immediately.”</p>
<p>When he had gotten no reply he tried again.</p>
<p>“Anakin! Did you hear me?”</p>
<p>Out of the door to his room Anakin appeared, dressed in a plain shirt with grease marks all over it. Inwardly Obi-wan sighed.</p>
<p>“Anakin, why you continue to tinker with those droid parts you keep I will never know.”</p>
<p>His apprentice smiled, if a bit on the cheeky side. “It’s called a hobby, master. Maybe you should have one too.”</p>
<p>‘Like I’d have time for that. My carefree padawan days are over…’</p>
<p>“Yes, well, hobby or not, we have no time for it. The council is sending us on a new assignment.”</p>
<p>Anakin almost did a little happy dance. “Where are we going, master?”</p>
<p>For a split second Obi-wan hesitated telling his padawan about their assignment, or to even take him along. Padme’s name had been mentioned many times in their stay together. When Anakin was a mere boy he missed Padme as his friend, one of the very few he had back then. Slowly over the years Obi-wan had tried to filter Padme out of Anakin’s thought, for the boy’s sake as well as his. It had worked, to a certain degree. He didn’t hear much from Anakin about her any more, but he had a lingering suspicion she was still very much present in his thoughts.</p>
<p>But then again, she has been in mine, he sadly thought. When they had returned to Coruscant after the battle on Naboo it had taken him months of meditation to dull the pain in his heart to a soft ache he could ignore. Like he had known and feared his new position as knight and master to Anakin left him with no room for anything else. In some way it justified what he had done to Padme all those years ago, but unfortunately his heart wouldn’t let him forget or forgive. When master Windu informed him they were going to guard her while she was here his insides froze and his heart dropped down to his ankles. He knew he could not refuse the council’s request, but felt incredibly uneasy about them meeting again after almost ten years. But again his responsibilities won out over his personal troubles and he accepted the mission. And he would take his padawan with him. ‘Force help me…’</p>
<p>“We are going to the Fennuc Apartment complex. We will be acting as Senator Amidala’s bodyguards for the duration of her stay here.”</p>
<p>“Senator…Amidala?” Anakin said, almost in a whisper.</p>
<p>‘There we go…’</p>
<p>“Yes, Anakin. Senator Amidala, representative of Naboo in the Galactic Senate, currently present on Coruscant to vote on the formation of an Army of the Republic. Haven’t you been keeping up with current affairs like I said you should?”</p>
<p>He knew the slight reprimand would fall on deaf ears but still felt disappointed as Anakin rushed to his room. He calmly walked to the table, picking up his timepiece. As he stuffed in the second pocket to the right of his utility belt a memory surfaced. He could remember clearly when this timepiece was handled by someone besides him. And as always the memory evoked both pleasant and sad feelings. Closing his eyes for a moment to clear his mind Obi-wan called out to his padawan.</p>
<p>“I’m leaving in three minutes, Anakin. No need to rush, just hurry up!”</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>Although Obi-wan was feeling uneasy himself he couldn’t help but make fun of his padawan a little in the elevator ride up. He smiled when Anakin tried to correct him about their encounter with the Gundarks. Not as if there’s any way to make me forget how you got us into trouble with that one, Obi-wan thought.</p>
<p>When they finally arrived they were greeted by a very enthusiastic Jar Jar. Obi-wan kindly greeted the creature. He had not missed the clumsy Gungan in particular, but it was nice to see him again. With an internal smile he realized Qui-gon had left a little of himself behind in his apprentice. Obi-wan decided it was a good thing.</p>
<p>Jar Jar proceeded them into the room and called out to Amidala. Obi-wan had already sensed her signature in the Force the moment they had stepped off the elevator, but seeing her in the flesh made his heart skip a beat. She had grown from a young child into a beautiful woman. Even from a distance it was immediately clear to him. When she moved closer to them her fiery spirit, one he remembered very clearly, shone through her soulful brown eyes. He quickly forced all his emotions behind thick mental walls. He bowed low before her. His feelings of unease had vanished and he could not have meant his words more sincerely.</p>
<p>“It’s a great pleasure to see you again, milady.”</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>Somewhat lost in thought Padme stared off into the distance, not really seeing the ever-busy Coruscant traffic. Any minute now her jedi protector would be here. Obi-wan Kenobi. Ever since the Chancellor had said his name she had been thinking about him. At first her memories had been a little hazy, which was unusual for her. She could normally remember things very clearly and felt a little frustrated because of it. So she had stayed awake for a large part of the night, trying to remember everything about Obi-wan Kenobi. Eventually memories started to re-emerge. How he and his master had dropped down from a walkway to free them from the droids escorting them to one of the prisoner camps. Their conversation on the ship heading towards Tatooine. Their late night bump in on their way back to Coruscant. She could remember everything up till their battle to reclaim her homeworld. After that everything became fuzzy again, and the memories slipped through her fingers like water.</p>
<p>One thing that kept popping up in her memories was a feeling of warmth. Even now when she closed her eyes she could remember that feeling. It was a warmth that spread through her entire body. It soothed her, bringing a peace and calm to her she had never felt before. It wasn’t a warmth that would heat up the skin. No, it came from the very centre of her, like the core of a sun. Trouble was she just couldn’t remember what it meant or where it came from. She was sure it was something important. But how, and why?</p>
<p>Behind her Jar Jar could be clearly heard greeting his old friend. A little jealousy shot through her. At least he can remember everything, she thought. Quickly she pushed such feelings aside. She did remember jedi could read emotions and she wanted to be nothing more then grateful and courteous to them. Confident her thoughts were nothing but positive she turned and faced her visitor.</p>
<p>Visitors, plural, it turned out. Before her stood two very handsome men, and she took a moment to quickly log their appearances into her memory. Behind Jar Jar stood a young man, somewhere in his late teens. He had a very attractive face and haunting eyes. Although he seemed a bit lanky she could see he had a strong body. Right off the bat she knew one or more of her handmaidens were going to be smitten by him. And why not, she thought. He looked like a nice bad boy in that leather outfit…</p>
<p>Then she turned her attention to the second man. The first thing that struck her was how different he was from the other. He wasn’t as tall but still towered over her, like so many men. His built was somewhat obscured by his attire, but he exuded an air of quiet power. Fleetingly she wondered how he would look without the robes. He sported a beard, but it was neatly trimmed. He was definitely the more mature of the two. Whereas the first looked like a bad boy, he looked more like the dashing rogue out of an old pirate holomovie.</p>
<p>‘So this is how Obi-wan turned out.’</p>
<p>When her mind made the connection between the padawan she met ten years ago and the jedi master before her now she smiled warmly. She saw him bow, a sign of respect and manners she didn’t often receive now that she was no longer a queen.</p>
<p>“It’s a great pleasure to see you again, milady.”</p>
<p>Admiring his show of respect she reached out and took his offered hand. His hand was warm, the calloused fingers gently holding hers. He did not squeeze her hand but formed his hand into a sort of cradle in which she could let her hand rest comfortably. She looked him in the eyes and was surprised by the intensity of their blue color.</p>
<p>“It has been far too long, master Kenobi.”</p>
<p>And of that she was sure.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>“Shesa happy. Happier then mesa seeing her in a long long time.”</p>
<p>Obi-wan overheard some of his padawan’s words and they disturbed him. As he feared Anakin had not forgotten about Padme, and this encounter only brought them to the front again. ‘If I’m not careful this could become something very disruptive in his training.’</p>
<p>“You’re focusing on the negative, Anakin, be mindful of your thoughts.”</p>
<p>Then he thought back to the moment they had first seen each other again since their goodbye on Naboo. To soften his lecture he shared his observation with his apprentice.</p>
<p>“She was pleased to see us.”</p>
<p>At his words Anakin brightened up a bit, but it wasn’t much.</p>
<p>“Now, let’s check the security.”</p>
<p>He and Anakin spend an hour checking the security set up by Captain Typho. Everything seemed to be in order. Obi-wan met with Typho and made some agreements about their presence here. He wanted to assure him they were not here to take everything out of his hands. Typho thanked him for his thoughtfulness, and made it quite clear he was very pleased to have them as the senator’s protectors.</p>
<p>When they returned to the apartment Obi-wan pulled off his outer cloak and draped it over one of the couches. It was going to be a long evening and he wanted to be prepared for the long haul. After taking a few moments to instruct R2D2 how to keep guard in Padme’s room he settled himself on the couch folding his legs into his usual meditation pose. With a few deep breaths he settled into a light meditation, before he would delve into a deep phase. Unlike his old master Obi-wan always focused more on the Unifying Force during his meditations. Master Yoda had encouraged him to do so. It required absolute silence because the Unifying Force was far more quiet then the Living Force. Obi-wan had taught himself to relax and be silent as to hear the soft whispers of the Unifying Force. And by doing so he had reached a type of meditation that provided him with peace and calmness, giving him relaxation of mind and body. He was about to enter deeper into his meditation when his comlink bleeped. Not moving out of his pose he reached to his belt and picked up the comlink.</p>
<p>“Kenobi”</p>
<p>“Obi-wan”</p>
<p>The instant he heard Mace Windu’s voice Obi-wan brought himself out of his meditation. Matter of the council would always get his undivided attention.</p>
<p>“Master Windu.” He instilled the respect he had for the council and for the master in question into his voice.</p>
<p>“I’m afraid I have some bad news for you, Obi-wan. Just moments ago we received word that a political dissident on Antion is trying to get your agreement discarded. We are sending another knight to settle this new development.”</p>
<p>“Who are you sending, master? Perhaps I should return?”</p>
<p>“No, Obi-wan, your assignment is to protect Senator Amidala. However, we need all of your notes and report to give Master Gasian the information he will need to settle this dispute peacefully.”</p>
<p>‘Blast! I didn’t have time yet to make my report.”</p>
<p>“Master Windu, I—”</p>
<p>“I know, Obi-wan,” Mace cut him off, “you never had the time to make your report. I realize that, we immediately reassigned you after Antion so no excuse is necessary.”</p>
<p>“Then how can I help?”</p>
<p>“Send your padawan back to the temple. He also needs to make his report and we want him to personally brief Master Gasian and his padawan. Give Anakin your notes and send him here as quickly as possible.”</p>
<p>Obi-wan felt he was failing his duty in some weird way, but he realized there was no other choice. Someone had to protect Padme, and he didn’t believe his padawan was free of emotions enough to do this.</p>
<p>“Yes, master, he will be there shortly.”</p>
<p>He shut off the comlink and took a deep breath. It was his sincere hope his padawan wouldn’t try and object to him again, for he had a feeling Anakin was not going to like this.</p>
<p>“Anakin?”</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>With a violent thud Anakin punched the pad to summon the elevator with the side of his hand. Impatiently he waited for the doors to open. Inside he was fuming.</p>
<p>‘Why me! And why now! It’s not fair that I have to leave and inform master Gasian of our findings on Antion, it should be Obi-wan! He knows all about it, why can’t he do it?’</p>
<p>Finally the elevator arrived and Anakin stepped in. When he reached the parking level he quickly located their speeder and plunged himself into the Coruscant traffic. The speedometer indicated he was accelerating to far above regulated speeds. But he didn’t care. The sooner he could finish this stupid assignment the sooner he could return to Padme. Because with her was the only place he wanted and needed to be right now. The council has no right to keep me away from her, he thought. She was the only beacon of light in his life…</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>Obi-wan sat back down on the couch. Tiredly he placed his elbows on his knees and dropped his face into his hands. As he had feared Anakin had almost exploded into his face. Although his padawan had shown little on the outside Obi-wan could feel his insides were churning with frustration and injustice. It sadly confirmed to him that Anakin wasn’t nearly as ready to be a knight as he once thought. Obi-wan sighed. Maybe next year he can face the trials… He stood up and ran a hand through his hair. He was filled with frustrations and worries himself, and they would not help him guards Padme properly. What he needed was a way to relax, to get his focus back. A small smile formed on his lips. Determined he walked to the kitchen.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>Bidding goodnight to Dorme and R2D2 Padme settled herself for the night. She was wearing one of her new nightdresses. It was made of blue Janarian silk and it felt like cool water against her skin. She was grateful for that because the nights here on Coruscant were slightly more sultry then on Naboo. Because of Captain Typho’s security precautions she couldn’t open a window and let the night air in, so she was grateful for anything that could ease the heat a little.</p>
<p>Lying with he head on the pillow she stared up at the ceiling. Slowly she let the events of today replay in her mind. She still thought Chancellor Palpatine was overreacting, but her jedi protectors were here now and she would accept them. Obi-wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker. How different two men can be, she sighed. It was fairly obvious they had been through a great deal together, and Obi-wan had certainly grown into the role of master. Strangely enough she could easily recognize the Obi-wan she knew in the Obi-wan she had met again today. His presence had been familiar, like that of a dear friend. She had a feeling they would be good friends even though they had been separated for nearly ten years.</p>
<p>Of Anakin she wasn’t so sure. In her mind he was still the little boy they had rescued on Tatooine, with the enthusiastic spirit and boyish charms. But the young man that had been introduced to her today, padawan Skywalker, had been nothing like that little boy. She could still feel a little unease settle in her stomach when she thought of the look in his eyes. It had been…a bit overwhelming. She couldn’t exactly place her finger on it, but something had made her look away.</p>
<p>Slowly letting the entire conversation pass the revue she dozed off. In mere minutes she was sound asleep. R2 conducted his scans as quietly as possible, using the lowest level of light he could. Little time passed before Padme started dreaming. She felt like she was floating in water, yet she could breath easily. Everything was muted around her and the surroundings were colored the midnight blue the deep waters of Naboo are. From the distance came small orbs of light. They drifted slowly towards her. She focused what energy she had on bringing them closer and slowly they came into reach. With her right hand she touched one of the orbs. Instantly she was filled with a memory she had forgotten. It was of her and Obi-wan, standing next to each other during Qui-gon’s funeral. Although their hands weren’t touching she could feel the warmth of his presence. There was much sadness in the air, but his was almost palpable to her. She wanted to reach out and touch him, assure him that he was going to be alright.</p>
<p>In a flash the memory passed and the orb floated away from her. But Padme could clearly keep the memory with her, adding it to her own collection. She realized these orbs were lost memories and she was eager to collect them all. Suddenly the orbs started spinning around her, like sharks circling their prey. She tried to grab one of them but they floated just out of reach. The orbs accelerated and became a streak of light forming a ring around her. Just when Padme thought it might disappear it contracted and engulfed her. In a split second all the memories bombarded her mind and settle back into her memory. All the things she couldn’t remember after the battle came to her in an instant, letting her relive those moments. She was standing outside the room listening to Obi-wan and Yoda. The datapad telling her her uncle, aunt and two nieces were dead. Obi-wan’s strong presence embracing her as she sought his warmth for consolation. Their intimate moments in each other’s embrace, telling about their grief. The storm in his eyes when she touched his lips. The embarrassment and excitement she felt when Sabé had walked in. The pain she had felt when he avoided her before he left. The moment they said goodbye…</p>
<p>A sharp cold followed by that same amazing feeling of warmth she remembered flowed through her. It was like a blindfold had dropped from her eyes and she could see everything clear again. Obi-wan grabbing her wrist when she was about to leave, hugging her tight to him. His hands on her waist and the back of her neck holding her to him. The tears she had refused to let fall stinging her eyes. The warmth of his palm on her cheek, his glittering eyes piercing her sadness and soul. Softly the words he had spoken drifted back to her.</p>
<p>‘You will remain queen…you will forget about me…’</p>
<p>With a gasp she woke from her dream. She was sitting upright, panting heavily with a light sheen of sweat all over her body. R2 instantly came to life and asked her if she was alright. But Padme never answered the droid. In a second she was up and practically flying to the door of her bedroom. There was someone she needed to have a word with right this instant, and this time he would not get out of it.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In the end, do you choose for unstable passion, or for peace of heart?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A late night conversation</p>
<p>Padme angrily pushed the pad to open her bedroom doors and stormed into the living room. She immediately noticed Obi-wan’s brown cloak lying on the back of the couch, but its owner was not present. Quickly she scanned the room and came to the fuming conclusion he wasn’t here at all. Her anger went up a notch.</p>
<p>‘How dare he not be here when I need him.’</p>
<p>A sudden noise behind her made her spin around. The kitchen, he was in the kitchen! She immediately rushed to the other room. When she entered the kitchen she saw him standing in front of the stove, his arms loosely folded over his chest. A kettle was on the heating plate and a teacup on the counter, along with a small canister holding the tea. Apparently he’s making tea for himself, she thought. A flash of heat passed through her as she remembered their previous encounters over tea. Her breathing became a little heavier.</p>
<p>‘How dare he drink tea without me!’</p>
<p>At this point Padme didn’t care about reason or rational thinking. She was being fuelled by strong emotions over her suppressed memories and the man standing right there, looking like nothing had happened between them in the past ten years.</p>
<p>‘Well, nothing díd happen between us in the past ten years, and it’s all his fault!’</p>
<p>She was still standing in the door opening gathering steam when Obi-wan looked up. His face showed surprise, judging by the way his eyebrows lifted.</p>
<p>“Milady”</p>
<p>This flipped a switch inside her and she practically flew to him. Obi-wan let his arms slide down his sides.</p>
<p>“Why are you out of bed so late—”</p>
<p>A sharp sound stopped him from finishing his sentence. It was the sound of Padme’s hand coming into contact with the side of his face. She had raised her right hand as high as she could and with every ounce of strength had flung the palm of her hand at his cheek. Now her hand dangled in front of her left hip while Obi-wan’s cheek bore an angry red imprint of her hand.</p>
<p>For a few moments they stood in silence. Obi-wan was looking down at the floor, completely stunned. Padme was simply glaring at him, breathing heavily and holding back the urge to slap him again. The Obi-wan turned his head and looked at her. The surprise, shock and faint traces of guilt in his eyes weren’t lessening her anger but increasing it. Padme took one step closer and banged a balled fist on his chest, letting it rest there. In a raised voice she started yelling at him.</p>
<p>“How dare you… How dare you!”</p>
<p>Obi-wan’s eyes still held a great deal of surprise, but she could see the traces of guilt intensify as his mind was no doubt catching on. But she didn’t let go of her anger. There were things she needed to say and he was going to hear them.</p>
<p>“You had no right to take away my memories from me. They were mine, ánd yours, and there was no reason to pretend like they didn’t exist. You left me, and you did it all for the wrong reasons. You needed to talk to me, not wave your hand in front of my face like I was some simpleton you could fool, before running away from the situation!”</p>
<p>She hit his chest with her other hand, but this time flat with the palm of her hand and with a little less force.</p>
<p>“I know it was a difficult time for both of us, but that’s just it! We could have faced it together! If you had any respect for our connection you would have allowed me to speak, not rob me of any chance to do so.”</p>
<p>His eyes now spoke only of guilt and pain, and resist as she wanted the knot in her insides was slowly coming undone. She continued to beat her hands against his chest during her rant, but each time their impact and speed decreased.</p>
<p>“We could have talked, come to some sort of agreement—”</p>
<p>Slowly her anger was dissipating, leaving behind a great feeling of sadness, loneliness and longing.</p>
<p>“—some way that could have worked. But you took it away from me…you went away. You left me…”</p>
<p>By now her voice had been reduced to a broken whisper, choking on her words. Her hands stopped beating his chest and chose to grab hold of his robes. It instantly sparked another memory and her eyes filled up with tears. Since she had woken from her dream her initial shock had been replaced by an emotional anger. But now her words had exploded with the pent up strain she felt herself flowing down a wild river of emotions. Softly her body started shaking. She left his gaze and let her head hang between them. Her last words came out shakily, betraying her confused and conflicting emotions.</p>
<p>“You left me…”</p>
<p>And after that her anger was completely gone. She wanted to tear away from him and lock herself in her room to cry her eyes out. But her hands wouldn’t dislodge themselves from his robe and her feet were made of granite.</p>
<p>“You left me…,” she repeated, in nothing more then an almost inaudible whisper.</p>
<p>When his arms circled around her shoulders she felt all her reservations fade away. She lessened her hold on his robes and laid her head down on his shoulder, pressing her nose into his neck like she had done so many years ago. The tears began streaming down her face and her body started shaking more heavily with sobs, but she never noticed. All she could feel was the strength of his body and arms, along with the comforting warmth blanketing her entire being. Her heart was softly telling her this was the greatest place of comfort and love she would ever find. After the tears had stopped she would compose herself again and let her rational side take over, hushing these feelings and burying them deep, but for now she would feel, know and accept nothing else.</p>
<p>Obi-wan’s hands were rubbing up and down her back and slowly her sobs were subsiding. A subtle pressure forced her backwards and placed her into one of the chairs. When she felt him pull away she tightened her hold on his robes again. But quickly she realized he was only grabbing another chair to sit next to her and she released him, her cheeks blushing with embarrassment. She never intended to appear to be…needy. Luckily Obi-wan said nothing about it.</p>
<p>He sat down next to her, their hands close but not touching. Padme looked up at him but he was staring at the kettle on the stove. Most likely thinking about what to say, she thought. Her quick analytical mind had already thought about their goodbye ten years ago on Naboo and had provided her with the reasons she and Obi-an had to part. But her emotional side was still unwilling to listen to reason. She needed to hear from him why he had done what he had done. And so she decided to start things off.</p>
<p>“Obi-wan…tell me why.”</p>
<p>His head snapped back to her and his blues eyes looked straight at her. Guilt clearly shone in them, along with and emotional turmoil that caused her heart to flutter.</p>
<p>“Padme, there was nothing else I could have done. We both knew our positions would not allow us the freedom to see each other. And we were both young, too young. You didn’t mean what you said, it was born out of an emotional desperation.”</p>
<p>Although she knew he was right about them being young and her feeling desperation at that time his words made her bristle.</p>
<p>“Maybe, but that still gave you no right to use the Force to suppress my memories.”</p>
<p>He turned away his head. “I wanted to spare you the pain.”</p>
<p>His confession made her freeze for a second. It was a level of compassion she rarely saw and it warmed her heart. However she felt it had been misplaced. She placed her hands over his.</p>
<p>“But you should have trusted me to be able to deal with it. You can’t take away someone else’s pain and expect everything to be alright.”</p>
<p>She saw him close his eyes and smile sadly. “I screwed up, didn’t I?”</p>
<p>Padme squeezed his hands, revelling in their warmth. It surprised her a little she was already giving him her forgiveness, but she couldn’t refuse him. She smiled. “Yes, yes you did.”</p>
<p>He looked back at her and her smile brought on a smile of his own. Obi-wan stood up and pulled his hands away from hers. A little confused she watched him go. But when he retrieved another teacup from a cupboard her smile grew wider. He fixed them both tea and sat back down on the same chair next to her. While sipping the hot liquid they softly talked about their lives. How things went after they had said goodbye, what they had done in the past ten years.</p>
<p>They never spoke of Obi-wan’s feelings about their goodbye, but Padme knew there would be another time for that. Right now she was glad to have Obi-wan, the friend, back in her life. A tiny whisper in the back of her mind told her there was time enough for something more later. For a fleeting moment she didn’t understand what the voice was telling her. But the she remembered how Obi-wan had wanted to spare her the pain of their separation. A pain hé did feel. Her heart gave another flutter and copied the whisper from the back of her mind.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>Quickly walking back to their quarters Anakin was still silently fuming over his bad luck. It had taken him ages to prepare and process their notes on the border dispute on Antion. Why did Obi-wan always have to be so elaborate and lengthy with his reports! And master Gasian had asked far too many question to his liking. It had felt like an endless list! Finally the jedi master had been satisfied and he and his padawan set off to Antion.</p>
<p>Entering their quarters Anakin quickly gathered his things and headed out the door. Hastily he walked back to the speeder. He needed to see Padme. Of course she would not be up at this hour, he knew that. But she didn’t need to be. He just wanted to watch her. In the hangar he located their speeder and jumped in. Revving the engine he tore off.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>So, jedi master Kenobi, any romantic adventures to talk about in these past ten years?”</p>
<p>She had tried to ask the question that had been burning in her heart for a while now, and she attempted to sound as airy and carefree as she possibly could. A small pang of guilt stabbed her as she remembered the few romantic encounters she had in the past years. Obi-wan half snorted in response.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, Padme, no romantic escapades for this jedi. Sorry, no juicy gossip there.”</p>
<p>Although he smiled she could hear a faint undercurrent of frustration and longing. Or she was imagining it to fill her own desires. Quickly shaking that notion she pressed on.</p>
<p>“So no beautiful women throwing themselves at your feet?”</p>
<p>‘I’d be very surprised if that never happened. Because the years have been kind to you, jedi knight…’</p>
<p>He shook his head. “Nope, and besides, there is only one real commitment in my life I can have.”</p>
<p>Fantasy overtook Padme’s mind for a split second, showing her dreams and desired she had entertained a long time ago about a certain dashing padawan. Fighting the crimson blush about to grace her cheeks she responded.</p>
<p>“Oh?” ‘Oh, real articulate, Padme.’</p>
<p>“Yes. The jedi Order.”</p>
<p>For a second she sat there, absorbing the information. A part of her was kicking and screaming, exclaiming just how unfair that was. But the larger part, her curiosity, won the right to speak.</p>
<p>“Obi-wan, that’s not really love you’re talking about, is it?”</p>
<p>He looked at her with a somewhat confused look, and again she had to fight a blush from rising.</p>
<p>“Love? Padme, a jedi isn’t allowed to love. It’s too dangerous.”</p>
<p>‘Okay, that won’t do.’</p>
<p>“What do you mean?”</p>
<p>“Well, love can lead to possession, even obsession. They in their turn can lead to jealousy and anger, which lead to the Darkside. And that is a place no jedi must ever go.”</p>
<p>Her complete shock about not being allowed to love was momentarily set aside when he mentioned the Force. Since meeting him and Qui-gon she had always been intrigued by the Force, but unable to learn much about it as a non Force sensitive.</p>
<p>“Tell me about the Force. I had heard Qui-gon speak of it a few times, but is still remains a little unclear to me.”</p>
<p>Obi-wan looked indecisive for a split second before smiling benignly. “Alright, what do you want to know?”</p>
<p>Padme grinned as widely as she could and extended her arms to either side, like a fisherman indicating the size of the gooberfish he had caught. “Everything!” she said in her most childlike and enthusiastic voice.</p>
<p>And it garnered her the treat she had been looking for. Obi-wan threw back his head and laughed heartily. His laugh reverberated through her body, bringing waves of joy to her. Coming back to her Obi-wan settled back into his chair, still smiling.</p>
<p>“You don’t ask much, do you?”</p>
<p>She quickly shook her head.</p>
<p>‘No, not much, just—’</p>
<p>The thought stopped right there, halted in its tracks by her conscious mind.</p>
<p>“Well, let me see. The Force…The Force is the power that holds this universe together. It’s the reason everything looks the way it does, and is the way it should be. People often refer to the Force as fate, and in a way they’re right.”</p>
<p>“Like you can see what happens before it does.”</p>
<p>He nodded. “Exactly. Because of the higher concentrations of midi-chlorians in our bodies the jedi are able to hear and feel the Force around them. If trained properly, we can hear it’s will and act accordingly. Or foresee certain events and change or prevent them.”</p>
<p>She could vividly remember Obi-wan and Qui-gon deflecting laserbolts all around her and a little shudder went through her. The jedi really did have some control over who lives or dies.</p>
<p>“So you can save lives.”</p>
<p>“Yes, that is one of our mandates, to protect life.”</p>
<p>This puzzled Padme a little. “But if you are there to protect life, how can you do so without love? Doesn’t it require love to do so?”</p>
<p>“Mmm, yes and no.”</p>
<p>Padme raised her eyebrows in a questioning look.</p>
<p>“It requires selfless love for a jedi to want to protect life. Compassion. Out of it comes our sense of duty.”</p>
<p>Obi-wan paused. But Padme quickly urged him on. Now they were back on the subject of love she needed to know everything. She wouldn’t examine her reason for it just yet, but she really wanted to know.</p>
<p>“The problem with love is that it isn’t selfless. The temptations of the Darkside are too great.”</p>
<p>She wasn’t so sure about that, but decided not to comment on that at the moment.</p>
<p>“But what is the Darkside? And what makes it so dangerous?”</p>
<p>Obi-wan threw her a quick incredulous look. “Remember the Sith on Naboo?”</p>
<p>‘Oh, right. Stupid.’</p>
<p>“Imagine a jedi with all his powers. When that jedi gives in to the Darkside of the Force he or she will use all those powers to their personal gain, to hurt other beings or even kill for pleasure. The soul of a jedi will become tainted and the jedi will forever be changed.”</p>
<p>Obi-wan shifted in his chair and looked her directly in the eyes.</p>
<p>“The Darkside lures a jedi with promises of power, wealth and a life of no responsibilities. But once a jedi joins the Darkside he will forever be its prisoner.”</p>
<p>It sounded dark, she admitted, but still a little vague to her. A person could change his ways, show remorse and turn back to the light couldn’t he? She voiced her question to Obi-wan. For a long time he sat in contemplation, occasionally glancing at her. Finally he came out of it with a small sigh.</p>
<p>“It’s difficult to understand for some non Force sensitive to understand the severity of it.”</p>
<p>He frowned, as if questioning himself.</p>
<p>“Perhaps…”</p>
<p>“What?” She couldn’t keep the eagerness out of her voice.</p>
<p>He shifted in his chair again, placing his knees on either side of hers. Taking her hands inside his he looked her deep in the deep. She felt like he was looking into her soul again.</p>
<p>“Do you trust me?”</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In the end, do you choose for unstable passion, or for peace of heart?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A late night conversation part 2</p>
<p>“Perhaps…”</p>
<p>“What?” She couldn’t keep the eagerness out of her voice.</p>
<p>He shifted in his chair again, placing his knees on either side of hers. Taking her hands inside his he looked her deep in the deep. She felt like he was looking into her soul again.</p>
<p>“Do you trust me?”</p>
<p>‘Do I trust you?’ She surprised herself by immediately answering his question. There was no doubt in her mind about it and that both excited and frightened her a little.</p>
<p>“Yes”</p>
<p>Again Obi-wan sat still for a moment, his eyes searching her face for something. Then he started a series of events that would forever change her way of thinking and seeing.</p>
<p>“Now listen carefully. I want to show you everything I mean, but it will take a lot of effort on your end. Please follow my every instruction without question or hesitation. That is, if you really want to know about the Force.”</p>
<p>“I do, I do,” she quickly responded.</p>
<p>He nodded. “Alright. Close your eyes.”</p>
<p>A flash of uncertainty was squashed as quickly as it arose. She closed her eyes. For a moment all she could hear was the slightly raised beat of her heart and her breathing. And of course the feel of Obi-wan’s hands. His voice drifted to her from the self imposed darkness.</p>
<p>“Relax. Take a few calming breaths. Imagine yourself standing in an empty room, completely dark.”</p>
<p>The ‘completely dark’ part is easy with your eyes closed, she thought. With a few breaths her shoulders dropped a little and her arms lay heavy in her lap. She felt calm and centered.</p>
<p>“Good. Now imagine a door in the room. It’s gray and locked.”</p>
<p>A door entered her mind, looking exactly like the one to her bedroom back at Theed Palace. She felt one of Obi-wan’s hand lift and leave hers. For a split second she wanted to open her eyes and look but his voice brought her back to the task at hand.</p>
<p>“I’m going to place my hand on you to make a better connection. When I do keep your focus on the door, I’ll soon be there.”</p>
<p>Before she even had the chance to try and figure out what his cryptic words meant or ask him for an explanation his hand touched the skin of her neck. His palm wrapped itself around her neck with the side of his hand resting on her clavicle. Instantly the warmth bloomed into her again, sending small shivers of pleasure down her spine. Only this time she could feel something more. A sliver of pure silver, sparkling like white fire, slowly but steadily ran up her neck and to the very center of her mind. The sliver connected with the door she had been ‘watching’ and the door exchanged its dull gray color for a soft shimmering silver, bathing in a faint blue light. It was pulsing softly, and to her amazement she could easily identify the feeling of it. Obi-wan.</p>
<p>“Now imagine yourself opening the door.”</p>
<p>She never realized no sound was actually reaching her ears anymore. She willed herself to reach out and open the door. The moment she pushed the door open it vanished. For a second she felt herself rapidly falling but the feeling passed quickly. She was now standing on an island of bright light. Semi translucent waves flowed around her like a combination of mist, liquid gas and water. It calmly and gently streamed past her, its touch lighter then air. Casting her gaze a little further she could see all sorts of shapes with the same bright white color, creating a landscape of sorts.</p>
<p>“This is what the Force feels like to me.”</p>
<p>Obi-wan’s voice was soft but she could hear him clearly. He could have been on another planet and she still would have heard him. Turning around she saw him standing next to her, clad in his usual jedi robes. But they were glowing brightly, their white color intensified by their surroundings. Around his body soft tones of blue, green and gray flowed around him like a halo. His blue eyes now held small pinpricks of the purest light in them, captivating her more then ever. It took her several seconds of soaking up her surroundings when something dawned on her.</p>
<p>“I’m inside your mind?”</p>
<p>Her lips never moved, but Obi-wan nodded. His lips didn’t move either, but his answer was crystal clear. “Yes”</p>
<p>“Wow,” was all she could think of.</p>
<p>A small ripple of cerulean formed around Obi-wan and it spread out. When it reached Padme she felt joy and amusement. She realized it was his amusement she could feel. And that left only one logical conclusion to her.</p>
<p>“This…mist, these waves, that is the Force?”</p>
<p>Obi-wan nodded again. “The Force the way I see and feel it.” He chuckled. “Well, sort of. I’m not completely sure you’re seeing the same think I am. This is not something I’ve ever done this before, so…”</p>
<p>Padme was too much in awe to be bothered by the fact that Obi-wan was experimenting on her. He gestured to the waves at their feet.</p>
<p>“This is the Lightside of the Force.”</p>
<p>He then lifted his arm and pointed at the horizon.</p>
<p>“And that…is the Darkside.”</p>
<p>In the far distance Padme could see something she could only describe as an ominous storm. Dark colors obscured the far horizon. Swirls of dark red, brown and black fought of dominance, sporadically harshly illuminated by flashes of bright red lightning. The air even seemed more compact there, heavy. It also radiated a heat that, even though she was far way from it, felt oppressive and menacing. A shiver instantly crept up Padme’s spine. She felt glad to be so far away from it, it gave her the creeps. Obi-wan stepped into her view and put his hand on her neck.</p>
<p>“Time to go back.”</p>
<p>Wordlessly she consented and slowly all the lights dimmed. Obi-wan’s face dissolved into the darkness and again she felt herself falling again. A familiar door entered her vision when the feeling stopped. It closed behind her and its silver color disappeared. She could feel Obi-wan’s presence flow back to him, leaving her with only the warm feeling of his hand on her neck.</p>
<p>“Alright, the connection is over. You can open your eyes now.”</p>
<p>Without opening her eyes Padme quickly raised her left hand and caught Obi-wan’s hand on her neck. She wasn’t ready to cut their connection just yet. Slowly she opened her eyes and found him looking directly at her. His eyes were exactly how she had seen them in her mind, of had it been his mind? The only thing that was missing were the little stars, the pinpricks of light. Now she realized them to be a manifestation of the Force, revealing the power residing in this jedi master. For a full minute they sat in their chairs looking each other in the eyes. Finally Padme broke the silence.</p>
<p>“Thank you.”</p>
<p>Her voice was soft. She still felt a little over awed by the experience and speaking loudly would shatter the moment. To her delight Obi-wan responded in an equally soft tone.</p>
<p>“You’re welcome.”</p>
<p>But none of them moved. It was as if they were under a spell and could do nothing else but look at each other. Padme rapidly felt herself getting lost in his blue eyes. She could have sworn a magnetic force was slowly bringing their faces together and for split second she lowered her gaze to look at his lips. She wondered if his beard would tickle. With their mouths only an inch apart she let her eyes slowly close.</p>
<p>“Anakin,” Obi-wan whispered.</p>
<p>In an instant the spell was broken and the tension that had been mounting between them burst like a soap bubble. Padme felt like someone had poured icy cold water down her back, immediately rousing her.</p>
<p>“What?” she exclaimed bewildered in a loud whisper.</p>
<p>Obi-wan looked like the name of his padawan had completely sobered him up as well. He was looking like a schoolboy with his hand caught in the cookie jar. She would have found it cute if she wasn’t feeling so confused.</p>
<p>“Anakin. Anakin is coming up to the elevator.”</p>
<p>She had never paid attention to the fact she hadn’t seen Anakin anywhere this evening. Come to think of it, she hadn’t really thought about anything except slapping some sense into Obi-wan right after her dream.</p>
<p>She was glad Anakin hadn’t been here to witness their encounter. It wasn’t her intention to rock Obi-wan’s position as master. Certainly not after the conversation that had taken place that afternoon. Although Anakin’s promise had been quite welcome she never intended to cause an argument between master and apprentice. She could even admit that, even though she wanted differently, Obi-wan had been right about their presence here.</p>
<p>“Perhaps it is best if you would retire for the night before he gets here, milady.”</p>
<p>A large part of her but her obstinate asked Obi-wan why she should do so.</p>
<p>“Well, milady—”</p>
<p>And with this she could see a familiar twinkle of mischief in his blue eyes.</p>
<p>“—I’m not sure what my padawan would say if he saw you here standing in that lovely Janarian silk nightgown.”</p>
<p>Without conscious thought she crossed her arms over her chest. Her nightgown didn’t really reveal a lot of skin, but the thought of Anakin seeing her in it embarrassed her a little. When she saw Obi-wan attempting to hide a smirk she uncrossed her arms and placed them on her hips, adding a somewhat playful glare.</p>
<p>“You find this funny, jedi master Kenobi?”</p>
<p>It used to annoy him that she called him a jedi master, saying it made him feel old, but it didn’t pack as much of a punch as it used to now he actually was a jedi master. She would have to find something else, she concluded. Obi-wan transformed his grin into that sexy smile she could only recently remember. But like so many years before it had its effects.</p>
<p>“No, I find it very charming, milady…”</p>
<p>She didn’t miss the lowered tone of voice, or the honest compliment hidden in his playful answer. Her insides clenched for a second. Taking a breath she walked over to him, slowly letting her arms fall to her sides. She didn’t stop in front of him but stepped further so she was standing along side of him. Padme bent over and softly exhaled through her nose, blowing her breath over his cheek like a soft caress. Then she deliberately made her voice sound as seductive as she could.</p>
<p>“Goodnight, master Kenobi…”</p>
<p>And with that she placed a feather light kiss on his cheek. She was surprised to find his beard didn’t really prick of tickle as much as she thought it would. But her surprise was quickly swept away by the warm feeling she always got from Obi-wan penetrating her lips. It made the outer tips of her lips burn and the inside tingle. For a second she hovered over his cheek committing everything to memory. Then she remembered Anakin was due any second. Without waiting for his reaction she swiftly walked back to her bedroom. Not noticing R2 bleep and grumble in the corner she crawled into bed. Tantalizingly she traced the outside of her lips with her tongue. The tingle spread to her tongue and this time a different knot was tightening in her insides. Unconsciously she pressed her thighs a little closer together. She closed her eyes and let her imagination drift away. Soon the little voice in the back of her mind and in her heart were whispering synchronized with each other.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>Obi-wan didn’t dare leave his chair. He closed his eyes.</p>
<p>‘Breathe, Kenobi, breathe. A jedi shall not know lust…breathe…last game of sharla ball ended in 149 to 74 in favour of Zadane Uduk…This is like that time she sat on my lap and started to feel around my belt…breathe, breathe!…Master Yoda in his underwear…Oh yeah, that always does the trick.’</p>
<p>Why in blazes did I let Padme in again, he thought. And so close! He had thought his meditations had cured him of his attraction to the young Queen of Naboo. A small snort escaped him. Apparently those meditations were no match for the full-grown Senator of Naboo. Anakin had been right, she had grown more beautiful…</p>
<p>‘And what possessed you do to something like thát, sharing a vision through the Force! You had no idea how that could turn out!’</p>
<p>Fact of the matter was Padme had just shared with him something he rarely shared. Qui-gon of course had known, and Obi-wan suspected Yoda did as well. Anakin has only had small glimpses, but never as much as Padme had experienced now. He shook his head lightly. Perhaps she wás impossible to resist. But what truly did surprise him was the ease with which the sharing had gone. The Force did not once raised any kind of objections…</p>
<p>“Good evening, master.”</p>
<p>Abruptly shaken from his reverie Obi-wan looked up and saw Anakin standing in the doorway.</p>
<p>“She’s asleep.”</p>
<p>He was stating a fact rather than asking a question. Obi-wan figured he must have checked the surveillance videos before coming into the kitchen. Again his worries increased a fraction.</p>
<p>“Is that for me?”</p>
<p>Obi-wan followed his apprentice’s finger to find him pointing at Padme’s cup. Luckily it was empty. Quickly Obi-wan covered things up.</p>
<p>“Yes, yes it is. Here, let me get you some tea.”</p>
<p>He jumped off his chair and collected the two cups. He poured tea in both of them, but handed his cup to Anakin who gratefully accepted. Around the other cup Padme’s essence still lingered and he didn’t want Anakin suspecting anything.</p>
<p>‘Right, Kenobi, riiiiight…’</p>
<p>Slowly he sipped his new tea. Perhaps placing his lips exactly where she had only moments ago. Swiftly he raised and checked his mental barriers to keep the daydream from escaping. He sighed internally. He had been right before the night began. This was going to be a very long haul…</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In the end, do you choose for unstable passion, or for peace of heart?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Night of the assassins</p>
<p>Ever since the weight of Anakin on her bed and the hum of his lightsaber had woken her from a rather pleasant dream about Obi-wan Padme had been wide awake. A little adrenaline was still flowing through her veins and it made her feel nervous and on edge. She had been shocked when Anakin had killed the two kouhuns. No, strike that, she had been terrified for a second. Anyone would be severely shaken when roused from their sleep by a deadly weapon hovering over their face, just a split second after killing two poisonous creatures creeping up their body. And to top it all off she had the sensation her heart had jumped out of her chest when Obi-wan jumped out that window. She didn’t even know there was a droid hovering outside at the time!</p>
<p>A shiver went through her. Her two jedi protectors were still not back and she was extremely worried. Nervously she paced up and down the room. Captain Typho and her two handmaidens were present, and had already asked her to calm down and sit. But how could she when Obi-wan and Anakin were out there? They could be in danger, hurt even. She froze. Maybe even killed…</p>
<p>She started pacing even faster. No, no, no, she thought, they can’t be dead, he can’t dead! I’d know if that would happen. Force sensitive or not, I’d know!</p>
<p>When behind her the elevator announced someone was here her heart skipped a beat and the knot in her stomach twisted painfully. She quickly turned on her heels and sighed in relief when the two jedi stepped out. Obi-wan came right at her and a welcome numbness came over her. He was here now, unharmed and looking healthy as ever. The knot disappeared and her heart calmed down. She was staring at him, she knew, but really didn’t care at the moment. She had thought of scolding him for recklessly jumping out windows unto unknown droids, but just couldn’t find her voice to do so.</p>
<p>“Milady”</p>
<p>Obi-wan stopped in front of her and bowed. She could only look at him and resist the urge to reach out and touch him. The comfort of his touch was something she really could use right about now.</p>
<p>“We tracked down the bountyhunter responsible for this attack.”</p>
<p>Padme just nodded. Captain Typho stepped forward and asked Obi-wan a few questions. Stunned she listened to Obi-wan’s summary of their adventure. Two things stood out clearly to her. These bountyhunters were taking things extremely far with amazing resources, and the duo of jedi before her was incredible.</p>
<p>“Milady,” Obi-wan said turning back to her, “I think it would be best if someone keep guard in your bedroom for the remainder of the night, along with R2.”</p>
<p>For a second she was frozen, unable to think straight</p>
<p>“Do you think the bountyhunter will make another attempt, master Kenobi?” asked Captain Typho.</p>
<p>Obi-wan looked thoughtful for a moment. Then he sighed. “I don’t know. Perhaps not, but it’s not a risk I’m willing to take right now.”</p>
<p>Personally she didn’t think the bountyhunter would make another attempt, not after this failed one, but she felt rather exposed and a little scared. Stepping over her pride and she accepted Obi-wan’s suggestion.</p>
<p>“If you feel it’s necessary, master Kenobi.”</p>
<p>The look in his eyes told her he most certainly did, and it gave her a warm feeling of security he was so protective about her. She knew it was his assignment, but somehow it felt personal to her.</p>
<p>“I can guard her personally,” Captain Typho offered.</p>
<p>But there was only one person she wanted close at this moment. She tried to make her voice sound as business-like and unaffected as possible.</p>
<p>“Thank you Captain, but given the extraordinary circumstances I’d feel better if one of the jedi could watch over me.”</p>
<p>Out of the corner of her eyes she saw Anakin’s head shoot up and look straight at her. His eagerness and excitement were clearly in his eyes. But she hadn’t disengaged the cameras in her bedroom only because she had foolishly wanted to draw out her attacker. No, she really didn’t like him watching her. Dormé had told her she had seen Anakin watching the monitors when she had gone to the fresher. Padme was thankful he had not noticed she had been out of bed that night, especially when she had gone to see and talk to Obi-wan. Somehow she thought he would not react kindly to that. As he probably will not react kindly now, she ruefully thought. Shielding her emotions carefully she turned to Obi-wan.</p>
<p>“Master Kenobi, I would appreciate your surveillance greatly.”</p>
<p>She hoped he would catch the look in her eyes and understand her wish. Fluently Obi-wan bowed again.</p>
<p>“I’m here to serve, milady.”</p>
<p>With some effort she managed not to show her relief and calmly she walked back to her bedroom. Captain Typho and her handmaidens left as well. Before the door closed behind her she could hear a short discussion between Obi-wan and Anakin. She couldn’t hear the actual words, but she could imagine Anakin wasn’t very happy with her request and was now trying to convince Obi-wan to let him do it. She closed her eyes in a prayer it would not come to that. Not that she hated Anakin, far from it, but there was only one person that could calm her frayed nerves at this moment. Luckily she didn’t need to worry because a few moments later Obi-wan entered her bedroom, looking a little upset. When the door closed he pointed his index finger at her.</p>
<p>“Next time the cameras stay on.”</p>
<p>She took a few steps towards him. “I’m sorry, Obi-wan. I just wanted to know how was after me. I didn’t realize it was going to be this dangerous.”</p>
<p>“Let me the judge of that. Padme, please, I thought the explosion would have made you realize how grave the situation is.”</p>
<p>A shiver crept up her spine. In a quick flash the memory of Cordé dying right in front of her passed before her eyes. A wave of sadness swept through her, painfully squeezing her insides again. She averted her gaze.</p>
<p>“I know…I’m sorry,” she whispered.</p>
<p>She heard Obi-wan sigh. “I know it must be difficult for you, waiting for these attacks and not being able to do anything about them. But please realize that the Senate needs you. Don’t risk your life just to prove you are courageous enough to stand up to these threats, we all know that.”</p>
<p>His words caused a lump to form in her throat. It was created by his honest praise and a great feeling of guilt. She had let her pride endanger herself and especially Obi-wan and Anakin. Out of the corner of her eye she looked at him.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry…,” she whispered again.</p>
<p>Obi-wan nodded and walked to the right side of her bedroom. He sat down on the small couch there and crossed his legs into a meditative position. Padme realized he was going to sit like that all night till morning. Slowly she stepped back to her bed, but she didn’t want to lie down. Dormé had immediately refreshed the sheets but it didn’t feel right to her. For a split second she considered asking Obi-wan to join her, but knew it was highly inappropriate. And he wouldn’t go for it, so why set yourself up for the disappointment?</p>
<p>Then a brilliant solution entered her mind. The cameras were still off after all. Quietly she grabbed the blanket off her bed. Slowly but with resolve she walked to the couch Obi-wan was sitting on. She stopped next to him, her knees brushing his. He looked up to her.</p>
<p>“Got room for another?” she whispered.</p>
<p>For a second he searched her face before he wordlessly scooted over to the end of the couch. She sat down next to him. For a second she hesitated, wondering if this was the right thing to do. But the pain in her heart urged her on to go through with her plan. Before Obi-wan could move or say anything she quickly laid down and put her head in his lap. Drawing up the blanket she instantly got comfortable.</p>
<p>When her head touched Obi-wan’s thigh he had raised his arms in surprise and one of his hands was hovering right above her head. She reached up with her right hand and moved his hand down to his leg in front of her. She took hold of it with both of her hands. Just as she’d hoped the warmth his calloused hand was giving her chased off all the negative feelings that had been assaulting her the past hour and gave her the comfort she needed.</p>
<p>For a minute they sat like that, both silent and not moving. Padme started to question her move.</p>
<p>‘Perhaps it was too bold, too assuming. I pushed him too far and—’</p>
<p>She didn’t have to finish her thoughts because Obi-wan’s right hand softly squeezed her hands and his left started stroking her hair. His touch was soft and gentle, almost reverent. She closed her eyes and soaked up every bit of the feeling his touch was creating. When his soft laugh reached her ears she didn’t open her eyes but stroked the palm of his hand with her thumb.</p>
<p>“What?” she softly asked.</p>
<p>Obi-wan didn’t stop his caresses. “I can remember a time Qui-gon did exactly the same for me.”</p>
<p>This certainly piqued her interest. “Tell me.”</p>
<p>Obi-wan paused for a moment. Then his hushed voice filled the darkness.</p>
<p>“It was the first time the Darkside appeared in my dreams. Qui-gon woke me, said I was tossing and turning in my sleep, even mumbling.”</p>
<p>She moved his right hand and interlaced her fingers with his, holding his hand in between hers.</p>
<p>“I told him of my dream. He didn’t tell me it was just a dream and I should go back to sleep. No, he told me in a soft voice the Force would always show us images, visions. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. But they could never hurt us, and were nothing to be afraid of. He held me close and stroked my hair until I fell asleep again.”</p>
<p>Padme’s image of Qui-gon changed and her respect and admiration for the late jedi master grew a little larger.</p>
<p>“Do you still dream of the Darkside?”</p>
<p>Obi-wan’s voice was nothing more then a whisper. “All the time.”</p>
<p>Padme held his hand a little tighter. Now she had some idea of what the Darkside meant to him she could imagine how dreaming about it would scare him so. She marvelled at his strength for a moment, thinking if she could stay strong under such feelings. Her mind told her she was strong, but she couldn’t feel but a little scared. She had come this close to dying tonight because of her pride. And although she was already recovering from the shock she couldn’t help but rethink her situation.</p>
<p>After a long silence she asked him the question her fragile and helpless side urged her to ask him. It was only in the absolute dark and in his comforting presence she allowed it to surface. She hated to appear weak, but felt she needed his answer. Her voice sounded small and a little afraid.</p>
<p>“Protect me?”</p>
<p>Obi-wan’s answer instantly soothed her and not moments after she fell asleep, worn out by the shock, adrenaline and worries.</p>
<p>“Forever”</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In the end, do you choose for unstable passion, or for peace of heart?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Retreat to Naboo</p>
<p>“Track down this bountyhunter you must, Obi-wan.”</p>
<p>Obi-wan could hear the faith Yoda had for him in his voice. He realized this was a very important matter and was grateful that the powerful master entrusted him to do it.</p>
<p>“Most importantly, find out who he’s working for,” Mace Windu added.</p>
<p>In his mind Obi-wan was already laying out the plans on how this should be done. But there was one thing that bothered him.</p>
<p>“What about Senator Amidala? She will still need protecting.”</p>
<p>“Handle that, your padawan will,” Yoda answered.</p>
<p>Obi-wan looked next to him, scrutinizing Anakin’s face. He tried to find any indication he was not ready for this assignment. Truthfully he was looking for an outburst of emotion, much like the one he had when they interrogated the changeling bountyhunter. Finding nothing he turned back towards Yoda and Mace.</p>
<p>“Anakin. Escort the Senator back to her home planet of Naboo, she’ll be safer there. And don’t use registered transport, travel as refugees.”</p>
<p>“As the leader of the opposition it will be very difficult to get Senator Amidala to leave the capital.”</p>
<p>Obi-wan was surprised at the levelheadedness his padawan just spoke with, and the sense it made.</p>
<p>‘Perhaps he is ready for this…’</p>
<p>“Until caught, this killer is, our judgement she must respect.”</p>
<p>Yoda’s words were clear and left no room for discussion. Padme was going to leave Coruscant, whether she liked it or not. Obi-wan agreed, it was much safer for her on Naboo.</p>
<p>“Anakin, go to the Senate and ask Chancellor Palpatine to speak to her about this matter.”</p>
<p>The sour taste Obi-wan usually associated with politicians rose in his mouth at the mention of the Chancellor. He knew the man could persuade Padme to do as the council wishes, and he supported the end. Just not the means. Palpatine seemed too good at persuading people in his opinion, often in ways that were less then straightforward.</p>
<p>Anakin and Obi-wan bowed to the council and left the room. On their way to the turbolift he addressed his padawan.</p>
<p>“You go to the Senate and talk to the Chancellor. I will make the arrangements for your journey. The Senator will be at the Senate so bring her back to her apartment and tell her to pack. I will contact you on where to meet me.”</p>
<p>“Yes, master.”</p>
<p>Notified by a soft noise they stepped into the turbolift. Several troubled thoughts ran through Obi-wan’s mind. What will he find out about the bountyhunter? Will Padme be safe on Naboo? And how will Anakin do on his first solo assignment, in the presence of such a beautiful woman as her?</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>Obi-wan stood still as he watched masters Yoda and Windu walk away. Although they had told him the council would not change their decision and was confident in Anakin’s abilities he could not help but worry. As powerful as they were they just didn’t know the boy as he did. Obi-wan was the first to defend his padawan if questioned, but he also knew his flaws better then anyone. More then ten years of having him under his guidance and tutelage had learned him that.</p>
<p>He sighed. What did master Yoda mean with his remark about arrogance? ‘Even the older, more experienced ones.’ Did that mean him? Was the master saying he was being overconfident in himself, too sure of his wisdom? His most self incriminating side told him perhaps he was too confident about the fact he could handle both his jedi responsibilities ánd court a lady at the same time.</p>
<p>A cold shock ran through him. What did his mind just tell him? Court a lady! He wasn’t courting any lady, the code forbids it. And he had always followed the code, much to Qui-gon’s amusement and dismay sometimes. Without conscious thought the memory of last night popped into his head. His fingers tingled as he remembered the softness of Padme’s hair and the warmth of her fingers. Resolutely he locked down his mind and pushed his memories behind large walls. Turning on his heels he quickly set out to arrange transport for one Senator. A Senator he was not going to think about for a while now. Too dangerous…</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>When the public shuttle landed Padme said goodbye to Dormé and Captain Typho. She hated leaving her handmaiden behind, but knew she would be in safe hands.</p>
<p>‘As will I be. Anakin will keep me safe.’</p>
<p>At first she had her doubts about the eager padawan standing behind her talking to his master. But he had shown he was capable of handling himself. She just hoped he could also restrain himself. His little rant about Obi-wan had proven to her he was more emotional then Obi-wan. No, strike that, he was a little emotionally unstable. Nobody could ever convince her that Obi-wan had no emotions. He was the most kind and caring person she knew, and when he had shared his mind with her she had seen more emotions in him then he ever led on. His caresses from last night were also proof he was no emotionless droid.</p>
<p>“I’ll get to the bottom of this plot quickly, milady. You’ll be back here in no time.”</p>
<p>She could see the concern in his eyes while his voice sounded cheerful. Both sentiments lifted her spirit.</p>
<p>“I’ll be most grateful for your speed, master jedi.”</p>
<p>Because of the others standing next to her she couldn’t give Obi-wan the goodbye she wanted to give him, but she hoped he would understand her. Her calling him ‘master jedi’ would probably do the trick, she thought. Obi-wan bowed. Something inside her tightened and a bubble of laughter rose in her. It reminded her forcefully of the cerulean wave Obi-wan had sent her and with a small smile she guessed it probably was him.</p>
<p>“It’s time to go,” Anakin said, walking past.</p>
<p>She didn’t even notice his harsh tone. “I know.” She turned and hugged Dormé before stepping out of the shuttle into the warm Coruscant air. They were heading towards the refugee transport Obi-wan had arranged for them. Behind her she faintly heard Obi-wan’s voice as R2D2 moved down the stairs.</p>
<p>“Keep her safe, R2.”</p>
<p>The confirmation Obi-wan cared was accompanied by a sense of dread. The situation suddenly felt real and threatening to her. To break the ice between her and Anakin, who was also looking a little stressed, she confessed in a small way.</p>
<p>“Suddenly I’m afraid.”</p>
<p>“This is my first assignment on my own, I am too.”</p>
<p>She looked him in the face and searched his eyes. They were a mixture of emotions she couldn’t properly read. Stress and excitement being the foremost. For a second she doubted this was a good idea.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry, we have R2 with us.”</p>
<p>A laugh escaped her. R2 bleeped behind them in consent. It was a good joke and it seemed the break the ice between them. Then and there she decided that she would trust Anakin. If Obi-wan trusted him, so could she. They were going to Naboo and nothing would happen. With this positive view she stepped into the refugee transport.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>“I do hope he doesn’t try anything foolish,” Obi-wan said as he watched the two walk towards the transport.</p>
<p>“I’d be more concerned about her doing something, then him.”</p>
<p>Obi-wan turned his head and shared a small knowing laugh with Typho. They both knew Padme was fierce in her pride and didn’t back down from danger, even it was too large for her to handle. He turned back and mulled over Typho’s words. After a moment he decided to stick to his earlier comment. He knew she could be headstrong at times, but would not endanger herself willingly. It was Anakin he was concerned about. He feared the boy harboured feelings that would jeopardize things if they were handled in the wrong manner.</p>
<p>He chose not to examine his protectiveness over Padme at this moment. Right now he had other things to do. He needed to find out where this bountyhunter came from. And he had a good friend who could help him with that.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>An hour after the shuttle had departed Coruscant she proposed they’d go down to the cafeteria for some lunch. She hadn’t eaten a real breakfast this morning and was feeling a bit famished. Soon they secured a table and while Anakin was getting some food she looked around at the other refugees. It was reasonably crowded, but not so much that she felt oppressed in any way. Knowing all of these beings were on the run from something Padme tried to think of the why’s. She imagined stories, ranging from owing money to a Coruscant loneshark to disapproving with the new house prices in the Upper Western Sector.</p>
<p>When Anakin brought them some food she quickly tucked in. Halfway her bowl of Simino rice soup she noticed him looking at her. He wasn’t eating much, but he kept staring at her. She wouldn’t look up too much to see the look in his eyes, somehow afraid what she might find there. After another few moments of uncomfortable silence she decided to continue with the conversation they had earlier about his jedi training.</p>
<p>“So how many planets have you and Obi-wan gone to during your training?”</p>
<p>Anakin shrugged. “I don’t know, maybe 30. I haven’t been keeping count.”</p>
<p>“I thought you’d be the jedi who’d visit all the planets there are?”</p>
<p>He shrugged again. “That was kinda childish. I’m surprised you remember.”</p>
<p>She smiled. Of course she remembered. In fact, one of the things she was very proud of was her sharp memory. With no trouble she could bring back that little boy proudly stating he’d visit all the planets in the Republic once he became a jedi, after winning the Boontha Eve podrace of course. She smiled at the memory.</p>
<p>“But I haven’t seen them all yet. Not even Malastaire, where they have the famous podraces.”</p>
<p>Looking down into her soup she hid a grin. He was still very fond of speed even after all these years. But his tone of voice spoke of a different longing as well. For a freedom, out from under the wing of Obi-wan, to do as he pleased. Something a lot of people have, something she had craved for occasionally as well. R2 set down another dish and a piece of bread on their table, just for her. She thanked the little droid before picking up their conversation.</p>
<p>“Must be difficult, having sworn your life to the jedi.”</p>
<p>She knew what it was like to commit your life to a cause, and could relate with his feelings at times.</p>
<p>“Not able to visit the places you like, or do the things you like…”</p>
<p>“Or be with the people that I love.”</p>
<p>This time she did look him in the eyes. A curious look of longing was present, one that made her feel shy and a little scared at the same time.</p>
<p>“Are you allowed to love? I thought that was forbidden for a jedi?”</p>
<p>She perfectly well knew the answer to her own questions. Obi-wan had answered them honestly and fully the other night. But she wanted to know if his padawan felt the same way. He smiled at the questions and looked down, in search of his words.</p>
<p>“Attachment is forbidden. Possession is forbidden. Compassion, which I would define as unconditional love, is central to a jedi’s life.”</p>
<p>Obi-wan had basically said the same, but she couldn’t help but notice Anakin used a different wording. He gave her a boyish smile and she gave him a smile as well.</p>
<p>“So you’d might say that we are encouraged to love.”</p>
<p>Padme saw the same look of longing enter his eyes again and her smile diminished a little. She could see the gap in his logic but decided not to call him on it. It just struck her how much he had grown over the years, from a boy into a young man. With a slight shake of her head she replied.</p>
<p>“You’ve changed so much.”</p>
<p>“You haven’t changed a bit.”</p>
<p>Well, she wasn’t sure about that. Ten years had changed him into a blossoming young man, but those ten years hadn’t been a walk in the park for her either. First her reign as Queen, then her duties as Senator, which are heavier then most people think.</p>
<p>“You’re exactly the way I remember you in my dreams.”</p>
<p>She looked at him for a second before dropping her eyes back to her food. He still had dreams about me? On some level it was flattering, but it also felt a little disturbing. Silence fell between them and she made no further attempts to start a new conversation.</p>
<p>His attention was…confusing, to say the least. On the one hand it was sweet, and it made a nice change to have someone flatter her like this. Sometimes she felt like being a Senator required to be a man or sexless, like it was never intended for a woman. And for Anakin to notice she was a woman was refreshing. But the look in his eyes sometimes made her think there was more going on then his simple flirting words. She shook her head internally and continued eating. She wouldn’t dwell on such thoughts. Obi-wan trusted him so she would too. And besides, what harm was there in a little harmless flirting?</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In the end, do you choose for unstable passion, or for peace of heart?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tension mounting</p>
<p>To be perfectly honest Padme was feeling a bit guilty. When Queen Jamillia had asked her where they would be staying she had practically overruled Anakin, and probably hurt his feelings when she said he was just a padawan learner instead of a full jedi master. He had agreed with her decision, but it had been clear to her his pride had been dented.</p>
<p>Now, sitting next to him in the small boat heading to the mansion in the Lake Country, she tried to think of a way to apologize to him. It had been bad conduct on her end and if there was one thing she hated it was bad conduct. A strict and formal upbringing to blame for that.</p>
<p>“Anakin?”</p>
<p>He merely kept staring out over the water, his head slightly turned away from her. He wasn’t going to make this easy for her. She sighed inwardly and pressed on.</p>
<p>“Anakin, I’m sorry I ignored you when deciding our refuge. It was wrong of me to do so.”</p>
<p>He gave a non-committal shrug. She resisted the urge to roll her eyes at his childish way of holding a grudge. She reached out and put her left hand on his arm.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, Anakin. I promise that from now on I will listen to everything you say.”</p>
<p>He turned his head a fraction and glanced at her sideways. She gave him one of her more charming smiles to get him to come round completely.</p>
<p>“I promise I’ll make it up to you with a nice dinner…”</p>
<p>For a second he still seemed hesitant. Then he put his hand on top of hers.</p>
<p>“Fine. Just don’t do it again.”</p>
<p>She smiled a little wider at him and squeezed his arm. Good, she thought, it’s better to be friends while staying here.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>At first he wanted to ignore her for a while, let her think he couldn’t care about it. And he didn’t. Not really. It didn’t really matter where they went, as long as she was safe. But it was unfair of her to just talk him down in front of everybody. He was a jedi! And the council put him in charge of things, not her! So a simple apology wouldn’t be enough.</p>
<p>But when she placed her hand on his arm he could feel all his anger melt and disappear. Especially if she smiled such a soft and seductive smile. By the Force, all he wanted to do was take her in his arms and kiss those rosy lips. To feel how soft they were.</p>
<p>He would keep her to her promise of dinner. He would be the perfect gentleman and they would have a lovely evening. Then she would see how he had grown, become a man. Not that stupid little boy always fiddling with toys in that blasted desert. He would show her who he really was, how great he had become. And how much she plagued his thoughts and dreams. Yes, he would show her, and he would find out how those rosy lips tasted…</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>When they finally arrived at the mansion Padme showed Anakin around. It was one of her most favourite places when she was younger and every little spot had its history. She led him up to one of the balconies, looking out over the lake.</p>
<p>“We used to come here for school retreat. We would swim to that island every day.”</p>
<p>Another set of pleasant memories passed before her eyes.</p>
<p>“I love the water.”</p>
<p>She really did. One of the things so particular about Naboo was the presence of water. Most planets in the Republic had some form of water, but Naboo was renowned for it’s abundance in lakes and rivers. Luckily most of the lakes and their forests were under the supervision of the state, protecting them from extensive abuse by tourism.</p>
<p>Padme had always associated herself with the lakes, the water. It reminded her how a person should act, fluently and strong. It was the way of politics to her. Well, honest politics anyway. The ‘waters’ on Coruscant weren’t all that clear much to her dismay.</p>
<p>Leaning forward she placed her arms on the cold stone of the railing and gazed at the island. So long ago it seemed she could play innocently, without having to worry about protocol, etiquette or responsibilities.</p>
<p>“We used to lay out on the sand and let the sun dry us. And try to guess the names of the birds singing.”</p>
<p>“I don’t like sand.”</p>
<p>She turned her head and saw Anakin scrubbing absentmindedly at the stone railing.</p>
<p>“It’s coarse…and rough and irritating. And it gets everywhere.”</p>
<p>The sand never gave her such feelings, but then she didn’t grow up in a place like Tatooine. Poor Anakin, she thought. It probably was a horrible place to grow up in.</p>
<p>“Not like here.”</p>
<p>Curiously she awaited his judgement over her home. He looked out at the lake for a moment before he turned back to her. But instead of looking at her eyes or face he let his eyes roam over her arms and eventually settle on her hands.</p>
<p>“Here everything is soft…and smooth.”</p>
<p>Anakin reached out with his left hand and gently touched the skin of her hand. She turned her head and looked straight ahead, not daring to meet his eyes. Although she kept a calm composure she couldn’t help but shiver a little, and gooseflesh appeared on her arm. The contrast of her warm skin with his cold hands caused a strange sensation. When she noticed he wasn’t stopping his caress and was staring at her back the shiver multiplied and ran down her spine. It settled itself between her thighs and caused her body to heat up a little more. Inwardly she chastised herself about it.</p>
<p>‘Padme, control yourself! Your standing here like a hormonal teenager letting him feel you up. What’s wrong with you? And what possessed you to wear this dress? Sure, the colors are great and it’s a perfect design for this season, but did it really have to be a completely bare back!’</p>
<p>When Anakin’s hand touched the side of her shoulder her breath hitched for a moment. She turned her head and looked him in the eyes. He was looking right at her. His eyes held an intensity in them that made her insides tighten. It was a look of lust, tinged with a little danger. It was the classic bad boy look, and Padme felt its pull. Her body was reacting to his attention but her mind was screaming at her to wake up.</p>
<p>She knew Anakin was trying to elicit some response from her and confirm his dreams, but she wouldn’t give in to that. She couldn’t, there was nothing to admit too. She had not dreamed about him in these ten years and although he looked boyishly handsome she just wasn’t that attracted to him. Strangely enough though her body seemed rooted to the spot and was still quite warm. The coolness of his hands triggered a primal response in her that she couldn’t deny or suppress. She searched his eyes to try and figure out what he was thinking.</p>
<p>Slowly Anakin was leaning over and his eyes left hers. She could see him looking a little nervously at her lips and his intentions were suddenly crystal clear. She kept her gaze locked on his eyes, determined to let him see there were certain boundaries he could not cross. But as his face came closer and closer she couldn’t find her voice to stop him, or tell him with her eyes he was going to far. Out of their own volition her eyes looked down at his lips, just a second before he pushed his face against hers and their lips met.</p>
<p>Her body flushed with heat as Anakin’s lips pressed against hers. When he retreated just an inch she was automatically pulled along. Her treacherous lips refused to be separated just yet from the first set of lips they encountered in many years. Her heart started beating a little faster and her lungs somehow wanted to draw in more air. Another shiver, this time not cold but very hot, raced down her spine and shot through the flesh between her legs.</p>
<p>His lips were slowly pushing and pulling on hers. Anakin seemed nervous and his kisses were a little clumsy, but he greatly made up in persistency. Padme could barely register what he was doing and felt herself getting lost. It wasn’t that she meant for this to happen but her body had taken over. It had been many years that someone kissed her in a non-friendly manner and her body was humming with the attention. The blood pounded in her ears and she was fighting to keep aware of the world around her. When Anakin pulled her bottom lips between his and her automatic response was to open her mouth alarm bells went off inside her. She knew that if that were to happen the kiss would deepen and there would be no taking it back. Her mind suddenly seized control again and she wrenched her head away.</p>
<p>“No”</p>
<p>She took a sharp intake of air in an attempt to silence the protests of her body.</p>
<p>“I shouldn’t have done that.”</p>
<p>And she meant it. She considered herself the responsible adult here, even though he made her forget that for a second or two. Anakin had an air of danger about him that made him appear very alluring, but she couldn’t give in to it. She was a Senator, not one to give in to easy pleasures. And he was a jedi for goodness sake, one not allowed to love or act in such a lusting way. Obi-wan’s words softly echoed in her mind, telling her to stop this or it would get very complicated.</p>
<p>She wouldn’t look at him but somehow she knew he was confused. She scolded herself again for leading him on. It was just that her pent up frustrations, emotions and cravings got the better of her this time. It wasn’t easy being a genderless, rational and composed Senator when she had always been a passionate person. Truth be told, she often thought of quitting her job as Senator and work in a different area in politics. Somewhere she thought she could make a difference, instead of having to sit through endless debates with no real result at the end.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>His words confirmed he was confused by her actions, and he had every right to be. She swore to be clearer then crystal from now on. She would be friendly towards him, for they were still friends. But this would never happen again. The only thing she feared was that he somehow understood things differently. His tone of voice didn’t sound sorry at all. We need time, she thought. Time apart.</p>
<p>“Why don’t we get settled in our rooms and freshen up for dinner. I’m sure it will be ready soon.”</p>
<p>Not waiting for his answer she turned away from the railing and started walking. She heard him give a small sigh behind her, but she didn’t stop. She needed to get away from him for a moment, before she was sucked into another situation she should not be in.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>Obi-wan felt…weird. There was no real description of the feelings he was having at the sight of so many clones. The bodies of babies, drifting in a blue liquid with organic looking cable acting as umbilical cords, enhanced the fact of unnaturalness here. Hiding his feelings to keep a cool and composed exterior he continued his conversation with the prime minister of Kamino.</p>
<p>“Very impressive.”</p>
<p>“I’d hope you would be pleased.”</p>
<p>If there was one thing every being in the galaxy was to some degree sensitive and vulnerable to it was flattery. Obi-wan realized he had to keep up his little charade and show interest in the work they were doing for a jedi master who, to the best of his knowledge, was dead for some years now. He needed to found out everything there was about this clone army. The Force gave him a small nudge that this was a far greater mystery then tracking down the bountyhunter, so he absorbed every little detail. Lama Su elaborated on their facility and the greatness of their clones. Although Obi-wan was impressed by their training methods his feelings were making his conscience shudder. When the minister mentioned the original host Obi-wan’s interest rose considerably.</p>
<p>“And who was the original host?”</p>
<p>“A bountyhunter called Jango Fett.”</p>
<p>‘Well well, seems I’ve come to the right place. This bountyhunter being here can not be a coincidence.’</p>
<p>“And where is this bountyhunter now?”</p>
<p>“Oh, we keep him here.”</p>
<p>The mention of Fett wanting an unaltered clone for himself raised several questions in Obi-wan’s mind. It was indeed curious.</p>
<p>“I should very much like to see this Jango Fett.”</p>
<p>Obi-wan used a very small push in the Force to convince the minister he was merely curious in his request, not at all inquisitive.</p>
<p>“I would be very happy to arrange it for you,” answered Taun We.</p>
<p>Obi-wan turned his head over his shoulder slightly. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>She nodded. “My pleasure, master jedi. But I am afraid Jango is not present at the moment. He will be back here in four days. Shall I prepare a room for you?”</p>
<p>Obi-wan thought about it for a split second. He could stay here, but perhaps his presence would scare off the bountyhunter. No, it would be better to leave and come back when Fett had returned, giving him the element of surprise.</p>
<p>“No, I will be alright, thank you. I have other matters to attend to in the mean time. I will come back once he has returned.”</p>
<p>“Very well.”</p>
<p>They walked out unto a small balcony overlooking an entire assembly hall. Here alone Obi-wan could see thousands of clones, all dressed in white body armour and guns at the ready on their shoulders. They marched with a military precision that made his stomach churn for a second. It just felt unnatural, perverted in some way. These were human bodies, but not people. Soldiers in the purest form, nothing more.</p>
<p>“Magnificent, aren’t they?”</p>
<p>Well they were something alright. But Obi-wan couldn’t tell exactly just what yet.</p>
<p>“Would you like to see our combat training facilities?”</p>
<p>He turned back to face Lama Su. “Yes, I would.”</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>As Obi-wan left the dry halls of the cloning facility and walked back to his ship he considered his options. He could stay in orbit for a few days and wait till Fett returned. But then he would risk being discovered by the bountyhunter before he could see and interrogate him. No, he needed to be farther away from here. Fett would come back, suspecting nothing, and then Obi-wan would come back and trap him here.</p>
<p>He climbed in the cockpit and put on his headset. Automatically his hands reached out and initiated the start-up procedure. When a message appeared on his screen he was pulled from his thoughts. He read it and repeated part of it out loud.</p>
<p>“Where to?”</p>
<p>He was quiet for a second, before making his decision. “Set course for Naboo, R4. Let’s go and visit R2 for a day.”</p>
<p>He smiled at R4’s whistles and beeps of agreement. And let’s see how Padme and Anakin are doing, he silently added.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>Restlessly Anakin was pacing his room. Every now and then he would raise his hand and trace his lips with his index finger. He could still feel the burn of her lips there. Her sweet scent and taste lingered around him, teasing him with their presence. It emphasized the fact that all he could think about was her, but she was not with him. A growl of anger rose in his throat. How could she do this to him! Smile seductively one moment, and just when their kiss was getting interesting turn away from him, saying he was a fool.</p>
<p>He sat down on his bed and sighed heavily. How could he not think of her? She was intoxicating. The softness of her lips was something he had never tasted before, but found himself already addicted to. He balled his hand into a fist and punched into the soft mattress. What could he do, everything was so confusing!</p>
<p>Then it hit him like a bolt of lightning. Obi-wan had always told him that even in the greatest mess there was the path to the ultimate solution. And it was suddenly clear to him what he must do. He would wait. He would watch her, talk to her, touch her. In time she would realize they were meant to be together. She couldn’t deny him in the end. It was the will of the Force. That he knew for certain.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In the end, do you choose for unstable passion, or for peace of heart?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hypothetical or real</p>
<p>Dinner had been a relief for Padme. Their last dinner had been a little tense. But that was to be expected, just minutes after their kiss. One she was determined to forget. It had helped they had spent a nice relaxed afternoon in the fields by the waterfalls. They had talked, laughed, even played around a bit. But it had been in a friendly manner. Although the rolling through the grass after his little stunt with the Shaak and her ending up on top of him had been somewhat charged. She had gotten off him quickly though once she realized the position she was in and had retired to her chambers for a few hours till dinner when they got back.</p>
<p>Their time apart, even if it were just a few hours, was sufficient for her to regain her composure and get her pent up sexual frustrations back into the iron cage her mind had made for them many years ago. When she entered the dining room she was pleased to see Anakin had some semblance of control back too and greeted her calmly and friendly. All through dinner they had talked about whatever subject they could find, talking freely. She had laughed about some of his stories concerning his training and his ‘adventures’ with Obi-wan. Fleetingly she wondered if the ‘negotiation-with-a-lightsaber’ idea would be useful for coming Senate meetings. She could picture Chancellor Palpatine having to fight hundreds of duels in just one sitting! She made a mental note to share this joke with Obi-wan, who she knew would appreciate it greatly.</p>
<p>When Jalné had brought them Danai fruits for dessert Anakin had briefly entertained her with a small demonstration of his prowess in the Force. Granted, it was still an extraordinary thing he could levitate things through an unseen force, but somehow it held less of a surprise to her. He had done it before, when she was packing her clothes back on Coruscant, so it was no real premiere. But that wasn’t it. Ever since Obi-wan had connected to her that eventful night she wasn’t really impressed by such trivial displays of the Force.</p>
<p>Thinking back at what Obi-wan had done she tried to think of what he exactly had shared with her. Several ideas passed the revue, but none of them seemed adequate to describe it fully. It was just so…intangible. To her it was more of a lingering feeling then an experience she could talk about. She made another mental note to ask Obi-wan to explain to her again, and more elaborately this time, what he had done.</p>
<p>At the time it had been a good idea to retire to the sitting room and relax next to a nice burning fire. The nights were a bit chilly and although her dress hid a lot more of her skin she felt a little cold. And in principal it had been a good idea. There was just one flaw to it. She had chosen her seat first. Now normally that wouldn’t be a problem, on the contrary. It was one of her privileges as Senator and former Queen to get one of the most comfy spots. The couch she had chosen was a great piece of furniture and certainly very comfortable. But it was long and could accommodate more then three people. And the moment she had sat down Anakin had sat down too. Right next to her.</p>
<p>Her initial thought had been to recoil and shift, but she didn’t want to seem ungrateful in any way. So she hadn’t moved and now they were sitting next to each other, their legs almost touching. To keep her mind off his proximity Padme had made a few light comments on current affairs in the Senate, but Anakin had given her monosyllabic answers and soon after her attempts at a light conversation crashed and burned. That’s when he started to speak his mind.</p>
<p>She found her breath to be stuck in her throat and her voice to be hiding somewhere she couldn’t find it. He was telling her he had been thinking about her from the day they met and that she was constantly in his dreams. That he was in agony in her presence, tormented by the fact she was close to him but not with him. Their kiss this afternoon was already haunting him and he hoped it would not turn into a scar. He moved a little forward but she turned her head away from him, squirming a little. She had no idea how to respond to these somewhat overly dramatic confessions. Although they had a particular undertone that made them seem more like allegations to her.</p>
<p>“You are in my very soul…tormenting me.”</p>
<p>What did he know about the torments of love! She was in his soul? How the hell did she get there when they hadn’t seen each other for ten years! And it wasn’t like they had spent a great deal of time together in a romantic fashion. She was just beginning to think about starting a friendship with the padawan learner she knew practically nothing about when he suddenly came out of the blue and kissed her. Sure, they had met several years ago and she knew him for quite some time, but she didn’t know the Anakin sitting before her. He had changed so much that she saw him as a completely different person, even if he did remind her sporadically of the little boy she had met on Tatooine.</p>
<p>“What can I do? I will do anything that you ask.”</p>
<p>She looked at his eyes and saw his emotions churn and boil. Again she felt the pull, an animal magnetism trying to draw her closer. Someone with such strong emotions had such pull and attraction and she was a little overwhelmed by his words of love and worship. But that was just the problem, a soft voice in the back of her mind told her, its tone soothing and as cold as ice at the same time. They were his emotions, not hers. She felt she was drowning in them. For a second she tried to find her voice again and tell him something, anything. But her voice remained hidden and she looked away. Anakin huffed.</p>
<p>“If you’re suffering as much as I am please, tell me.”</p>
<p>With some effort she turned her head back to him and looked him in the eye. A small chill raced down her spine as she saw a look of anger that wasn’t there before. She swallowed and finally retrieving he voice she said the only thing that came to her.</p>
<p>“I can’t…”</p>
<p>Her mind tried to formulate all sorts of arguments to talk him out of this completely wrong idea of love, but it was still too much of a mess with too many of his emotions assaulting her.</p>
<p>“We can’t…It’s…just not possible.”</p>
<p>She wanted to explain to him how this was all a mistake, a misunderstanding. But her mouth wasn’t fully connected to her brain yet and her words sounded inadequate. Apparently Anakin felt so to.</p>
<p>“Anything is possible, Padme, listen to me.”</p>
<p>“No, you listen to me!”</p>
<p>Finally her mind had found its way and a line of reasoning came to her. She stood up from the couch to extract herself from the increasingly overwhelming contact with Anakin.</p>
<p>“We live in a real world, come back to it.”</p>
<p>Her logical side was taking over and she wanted to make him see that even if she did have feelings for him it would be impossible. That love sometimes isn’t possible and cannot be considered. Especially if he wanted to be a jedi. She didn’t want him to be expelled from the Jedi Order because he has a false sense of love. A love she did not return.</p>
<p>“You study to become a jedi, I’m…I’m a senator.”</p>
<p>He stared at her for a second before looking down at the ground. That told her he was at least hearing her words as he obviously didn’t like them.</p>
<p>“If you follow your thoughts through to conclusion it will take us to a place we cannot go. Regardless of the way we feel about each other.”</p>
<p>Anakin quickly raised his head. “Then you do feel something!”</p>
<p>Part of her wanted to chuck one of the pillows at his head. Why was he not listening to her! She was talking hypothetically, trying to make him see the situation is impossible even if it did occur.</p>
<p>“I would not let you give up your future for me.”</p>
<p>She was struggling with her words a little. She had hoped her logical approach would make him see the light, but it was rapidly falling apart right before her eyes. Anakin stood up and took as step forward.</p>
<p>“You are asking me to be rational. That is something I know I can not do.”</p>
<p>He was standing a mere two feet away from her and she could feel the intensity of his feeling radiate from him again.</p>
<p>“Believe me, I wish that I could just wish away my feelings. But I can’t.”</p>
<p>He drew her into a staring contest, pouring out his frustration and anger through his gaze. But she met his eyes.</p>
<p>“I will not give in to this.”</p>
<p>She saw his gaze waver and he turned away from her. With his back to her he spoke again.</p>
<p>“Well you know it…it wouldn’t have to be that way.”</p>
<p>He turned his body slightly so that he was half looking over his shoulder.</p>
<p>“We could keep it a secret.”</p>
<p>Padme could barely believe her ears. Did he just say what she thought he said? That he wanted a love affair under the nose of everybody and not be open about it? Have something that was both impossible and forbidden whilst acting like nothing had changed? Deceive everyone around him just to have his way? Now she really needed to put him in his place.</p>
<p>“We’d be living a lie. One we couldn’t keep even if we wanted to. I couldn’t do that. Could you, Anakin? Could you live like that?”</p>
<p>Anakin hesitated for a moment. But when he responded his eyes still the same expression.</p>
<p>“No…you’re right. It would destroy us.”</p>
<p>She let out a silent sigh of relief. Finally, he was acknowledging she was making sense in this miasma of feelings. The only thing she wanted to do now was close the subject forever. But when she opened her mouth they were interrupted by another voice.</p>
<p>“Milady?”</p>
<p>Padme took a step to her right and looked past Anakin. There with a slightly bowed head stood Jalné. She was holding a small datapad in her hands.</p>
<p>“Yes, Jalné?”</p>
<p>“Milady, we just received word from Captain Typho. They have just greeted Master Kenobi on the landing platform and he is currently on his way here. He requests to see you with his apologies for the late hour.”</p>
<p>Obi-wan was here? Without conscious thought her heart skipped a beat and started beating a little faster afterwards to make up for it. She almost couldn’t believe the news. But on the other hand she couldn’t be more ecstatic about anything else. He was exactly what she needed right now, especially with the tension between her and Anakin. She moved a few paces towards Jalné.</p>
<p>“Jalné, please go see if the cook can prepare some food, I’m sure Master Kenobi will be in need of some nourishment. And set up the chamber in the east wing.”</p>
<p>“Yes, milady,” Jalné bowed and swiftly left.</p>
<p>She was only sporting a small smile on the outside but was grinning from ear to ear on the inside. She suddenly felt filled with positive emotions and found herself thinking if she should change her gown.</p>
<p>‘Oh, and I must remember my mental notes for him. Maybe I can—’</p>
<p>She was roughly pulled from her thoughts when Anakin’s hand gripped her left arm. His hand felt incredibly cold against her warm flesh, heated by the fire. Again she felt gooseflesh appear and she shivered a little. She looked up and met Anakin’s gaze. This time she could barely distinguish the individual emotions in the swirling storm in his eyes.</p>
<p>“Padme, please…,” he whispered.</p>
<p>“No, Anakin.” She pulled her arm out of his grip. “This conversation is over.”</p>
<p>Quickly she walked past him and went to her room. She had no energy left to have another argument with him, especially if he wasn’t listening to her. In her room she shut the door behind her and sat down in front of her vanity mirror. She looked at her reflection and was a little startled by the drained look. Apparently Anakin had more of an effect on her then she was willing to admit. For a moment she shut her eyes and rested the palm of her hand flat against her face. Then she took a deep breath and slowly started to remove her make-up. She wanted to appear as natural as possible for Obi-wan. He wasn’t someone who cared for appearances, but she wanted to look like the person he made her feel. Sometimes the make-up made her feel a little unreal, dishonest in the way that she could hide her real personality behind a mask. But not to Obi-wan. She had his honesty, so she would give him hers.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>‘Dammit! Dammit, dammit, dammit!’</p>
<p>Anakin gave the couch they had been sitting on a swift kick. He tried to release his anger into the Force like he had been taught for so many years, but found it a little difficult at the moment. Why, why did this have to happen? Silently he cursed Obi-wan’s timing and ability to disrupt any situation. Of course, the situation hadn’t been exactly what he had planned it would be, but it could have been worse. She did admit to having feelings for him, and that was a big step.</p>
<p>Her argument had been foolish and he could easily see through it. She was simply scared of her feelings and was hiding behind their positions to keep him at a distance. But he knew that wouldn’t hold up long. He may not be the most experienced person when it came to love, but even he knew that true love could conquer anything. Eventually she would come round and see it as well. Then he would be there to catch her. Slowly his anger was abating and he started walking back to his room. He would wait. But he wasn’t going to meet his master. He refused to let Obi-wan disrupt his memories of their conversation and make him forget her words and facial expressions. Her words may have tried to deny him, but her eyes clearly spoke differently.</p>
<p>‘Oh yes, she will be mine. I love her and she loves me. Nothing can keep us apart.’</p>
<p>On his way to his room Anakin’s thoughts kept returning back to Padme, how lovely she had been in the light from the fire. Just a few steps from his room he stopped in his tracks and resolutely turned around. Obi-wan would be here in a little while. But he wasn’t here yet. Quickly he walked back down the hall.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In the end, do you choose for unstable passion, or for peace of heart?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Revelations part 1</p>
<p>Padme took one last look at herself in the mirror. She had changed out of her black dress and put on one of her white silk nightgowns. Over it she wore her favourite dark brown morning gown. She had let her hair out of the long braid she had done for dinner and simply tied it back with a satin band. Almost all of her make-up was gone, only a little foundation to hide the weariness under her eyes. She would not let Obi-wan see the effect his apprentice had on her this evening. In fact, she was determined to spend the rest of the evening solely with Obi-wan and not mention anything about Anakin. She needed to forget out him, even if it could only be for tonight.</p>
<p>Approving of her look she walked out of her room and headed towards the main hall of the mansion. Just outside Obi-wan would be arriving soon and she wanted to meet him in person. She was about to sit down on one of the small benches on the side of the hall when her left hand was captured from behind. A cold shock went through her at the sudden unexpected touch and she felt her shoulders tense. Quickly she turned her head to see who had stopped her. When her eyes met Anakin’s blue ones she swallowed a little painfully.</p>
<p>“Anakin…”</p>
<p>Again the look in his eyes was a mixture of several emotions and she found it hard to read.</p>
<p>“Padme, please. I just want to apologize for my outburst earlier. You were right, I misbehaved and for that I am sorry. I didn’t mean to speak out like that.”</p>
<p>His apology was something she would gladly accept, but a nagging feeling of doubt was still lingering in her mind.</p>
<p>“Apology accepted,” she said in the straightest voice she could manage.</p>
<p>He smiled. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>Her natural response was to smile as well but found herself incapable of doing so when she noticed he was still holding her hand. And as before his hands were still cold. She pried her hand out of his and silently sighed with relief as she put it into one of the pockets of her robe. Even though his hand had only held hers for a short moment her fingers felt cold and she welcomed the warmth of her robe. She sat down on the bench feeling the slightly chilly cushion under her.</p>
<p>“I’m glad you can forgive me.”</p>
<p>Anakin kept standing next to her. She knew she could not send him away as he of course was here to greet his master, but a part of her wished she could. Selfish maybe, but she wanted to have Obi-wan to herself this night. Her naughty side grinned at her phrasing, but swiftly locked it up in one of the iron cages her mind was holding right now. A minute passed in silence before she was surprised by Anakin’s voice.</p>
<p>“Have you ever been in love?”</p>
<p>She felt her cheeks warm up and she decidedly kept looking straight at the exit instead of his face. She swallowed again.</p>
<p>“I thought we already talked about this.”</p>
<p>Anakin made a strange sound, something between a huff and a scold, but very quietly. “No, that was about your first kiss.”</p>
<p>“Well, even if I was a little young, I did love him…”</p>
<p>She wasn’t really uncomfortable with sharing that particular bit of information. And to her it was true, although she did grow out of it quickly afterwards. But she had loved Paulo.</p>
<p>“But did you love him so much that you couldn’t bear to be away from him, that you could see him in your dreams?”</p>
<p>Her body tensed up again when she realized the direction he was pulling this conversation into. No, no, no, not again, she thought. Frantically she sought a way out.</p>
<p>“Maybe”</p>
<p>“I think that love is one of the greatest things in the universe, besides the Force. And it can overcome all obstacles…”</p>
<p>Padme focused her gaze more intensely on the doors, resisting Anakin’s silent pleas for her to respond to his words. Funny enough, she was agreeing with him. But to her love was the greatest force in the galaxy, not the Force. She might be a bit biased, being a non Force sensitive and all, but it was the truth to her.</p>
<p>She jumped out of her skin and off the bench when his cold hand made contact with the exposed skin of her neck. Immediately her head snapped around and she made eye contact with Anakin. He was standing there, a somewhat pained expression in his eyes and his hand still hovering in the air.</p>
<p>“Anakin, don’t!” she breathed.</p>
<p>He took a step forward and straight away she felt the air thicken with his emotions again. It felt…suffocating. She took half a step backwards.</p>
<p>“Padme, please, listen to me…”</p>
<p>“No, Anakin. I have said everything I needed to, this conversation is over.”</p>
<p>Slowly he dropped his hand but his eyes were still searching hers. She doubled her focus and glared at him, hoping he could take the hint this time. To her great relief he sighed, turned around and walked away. When he turned around a corner and she couldn’t see him anymore she sank back down on the bench. She placed a hand on her chest over her heart as she tried to control her sudden short breathing. Just like after their last ‘discussion’ she felt exhausted. She had a small urge to start crying but swiftly squelched it. There was no way she would shed tears over this, over him. She would not allow him to rock her composure so much she would turn into a weak little woman.</p>
<p>She jumped again when she heard the noise of a boat outside. Her heart, already beating a slightly elevated beat, started beating madly all of a sudden. Her throat constricted and she sucked in a deep breath. Without realizing it she stood up and was moving towards the door. The hall suddenly seemed like miles long and her feet felt like lead. She saw the door open and a very familiar brown cloak appeared. She increased her pace. He threw back the hood of his robe and he gently turned his head in her direction. Even from a distance she could see a twinkle emerging in his eyes. She broke into a run.</p>
<p>“Milady, I’m glad—”</p>
<p>She effectively stopped his words as she flung herself into his arms. She immediately buried her face into his shoulder and grabbed his neck firmly with both her arms. Due to her momentum he stumbled back a step but he managed to keep his balance and them upright. Under his robes she could feel his muscles briefly flex to manage this feat and fleetingly she was impressed by his hidden physical strength. Almost casually she also noticed his robes were damp and cold. Had it been raining outside? She honestly couldn’t remember.</p>
<p>He held her close for a moment before gently laying his hands on her waist and push her back a little. “Padme, are you alright? Is something wrong?”</p>
<p>She smiled a weak but completely honest smile at him. “No, everything is fine now.”</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>‘Force she feels and smells good.’</p>
<p>Obi-wan had been stunned for a split second when a certain senator had flung herself at him, but he had quickly recovered thanks to his life long training. And now they were steady and balanced he allowed his senses to completely take in the woman he had been worried about. Already he was forming questions as to why she had practically tried to floor him just now, but they could wait. For now he was glad to find her alive and well. Not to mention wrapped in his arms again. He would not admit it to her, but it felt very good to him. Dangerously good even…</p>
<p>He gently pushed her away and looked at her face. She was wearing almost no make-up and he could see her natural beauty, giving her a soft glow in his opinion. He could also see the dark lines under her eyes even though she had expertly covered them up. It increased his concern and he knew something was wrong. Question was if she was willing to tell him.</p>
<p>“Padme, are you alright? Is something wrong?”</p>
<p>She locked gazes with him and his heart grew light when he saw a spark of life in her eyes. Her warm, rich brown eyes softly melted his initial worries. “No, everything is fine now.”</p>
<p>Obi-wan took another moment to search her eyes for any dishonesty. He didn’t use the Force for this, as he had promised her so many years ago. But he found he didn’t have to at all. Her eyes seemed like emotional datapads to him, ones he could easily read. Right now she was feeling overjoyed he was here, something that caused his insides to briefly jump in joy, but there was an underlying pain. Obi-wan slid his right arm under her left and with a soft pull they started walking down the hall. He would find out what she was feeling the moment she would decide to share it with him. Besides, he smelled a delicious odor coming from what he assumed was the direction to the kitchen. The food on Kamino had been unsatisfactory to say the least and he was famished.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>She watched with amusement as Obi-wan literally devoured his plate. She could remember Qui-gon making an offhand remark about Obi-wan’s hunger when they were on Tatooine, but seeing it in person made her smile. Between bites he finally managed to look up and see her. He swallowed.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>Her smile grew a little wider. “Nothing”</p>
<p>He looked confused for a split second before her shrugged and went back to his food. She was more then happy to sit and watch him while he ate. There was no need for conversation now, that would come later. Padme was still indecisive about telling Obi-wan what had happened between her and Anakin. On the one hand he deserved to know, but on the other hand she didn’t want to cause more tension between master and apprentice. Besides, it was her problem and her responsibility to take care of it, not Obi-wan’s.</p>
<p>When he finished he sat back and sighed happily. “That really hit the spot.”</p>
<p>She stood up from her chair and walked over to him. Grabbing his arm she pulled him up and away, leading him to the sitting room. But when they entered the room she froze and Obi-wan lightly bumped into her. She cursed internally for not thinking of this earlier.</p>
<p>“Padme? What’s wrong?”</p>
<p>She turned on her heels and put her hands on his chest. With a fake smile she started pushing back. “I…I just forgot, I eh…this room is…going to be cleaned now. Jalné has really strange cleaning habits.”</p>
<p>Obi-wan gave her a strange look. “O...kaay. So where can we sit?”</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In the end, do you choose for unstable passion, or for peace of heart?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Revelations part 2</p>
<p>Obi-wan gave her a strange look. “O...kaay. So where can we sit?”</p>
<p>Without much thought she lead him to her bedroom. There was a nice fire in the small hearth and a couch that could easily sit two people. And it would ensure their privacy. It certainly seemed a lot better than the sitting room to her at the moment. There was no way she would sit there, in the same spot as hours ago, with Obi-wan. It just…wasn’t right. She opened her door and ushered Obi-wan in. With a quick glance out into the hallway she closed the door and walked to the couch. She sat down and looked at her companion. He was poking the fire, creating higher flames and a pleasant heat reached her face. Again his display of manners, even if it was just attending to the fire, endeared her. She couldn’t imagine Anakin tending to the fire to make the situation more pleasant.</p>
<p>Obi-wan sat down on the couch next to her but kept a decent distance. Again his courtesy impressed her, but she would not agree with it this time. She reached out with her left hand and placed it on top of his left hand. She could feel his hand was a little cold, but immediately the familiar and expected warmth started growing. She felt the knots of stress in her stomach starting to unravel at its comfort. Obi-wan placed his right hand over their joined hands.</p>
<p>“Mmm, your hand is warm. I can tell you, if you have the choice don’t go to Kamino, unless you bring your swimsuit.”</p>
<p>She smiled. “And why is that?”</p>
<p>Obi-wan shook his head. “All water and rain. I got soaked just walking from the landing platform to the door. And sitting in a cold spacecraft isn’t all that nice and comfy either. My robes are made to withstand bad weather, but I was actually feeling a little cold when I got here.”</p>
<p>He probably wasn’t going to tell her about his progress on finding the bountyhunter, she realized. But at the moment she didn’t care about that. She rubbed his hand with hers. “Better now?”</p>
<p>He smiled at her. “I will be, this fire is burning nicely and you are certainly not cold.”</p>
<p>She smiled and felt that the situation was comfortable enough to execute her plan. A small voice in the back of her mind told her this was the second time she initiated close intimate physical contact with him, not counting the hugs. Internally smiling she told it to shut up. She lifted his left hand with hers, brought it over her head and draped it over her shoulders. She turned her body towards him and nestled her head on his shoulder, her forehead resting against his neck.</p>
<p>Almost directly after she had placed his arm over her shoulders he softly squeezed her left upper arm and held her to him. She closed her eyes and felt their combined warmth increase rapidly until she was more then comfortably warm. It was almost like she was floating on a soft bed, covered by a blanket of heat. She closed her eyes and sighed contently.</p>
<p>They sat silently like that for at least half an hour. She didn’t feel sleepy at all, even though the hour was late. It gave her the time to think about everything that had happened this night. The peace Obi-wan brought allowed her to think about Anakin without wanting to crawl into bed and stay under the covers for at least a week. After some thinking she decided not to tell Obi-wan what had happened, but he could answer her a few questions that she was holding.</p>
<p>“Obi-wan?”</p>
<p>“Mmm”</p>
<p>He sounded a little sleepy, but she knew he was listening to her with undivided attention. She wasn’t sure how, but she was. Just the kind of man Obi-wan is, she reflected.</p>
<p>“Remember the night we talked?”</p>
<p>“Mmm, how can I forget.”</p>
<p>She pinched him with her index and middle finger in his side. “You can’t.”</p>
<p>His frame lightly shook with a small chuckle and she noted how he didn’t even flinch when she had pinched him. Probably saw it coming through the Force, she thought. Darn.</p>
<p>“The…connection you made between us…”</p>
<p>“Yes?”</p>
<p>“What did you do exactly?”</p>
<p>He was silent for a moment before he responded. “I made a Force connection between our minds, like a bridge, so you could feel what the Force is to me.”</p>
<p>“So you shared your vision with me?”</p>
<p>She couldn’t see Obi-wan’s frown but knew it was there. “Yes, and no. You felt the Force in the way I do, at least I think you did, I’m not completely sure. But you didn’t share my vision as I don’t see the Force. You briefly shared my feelings…or rather my being…this is hard to explain…you shared—”</p>
<p>“Your soul?” she whispered, almost afraid the level of her voice would break the memory.</p>
<p>He hesitated for a second. “Well, if you want to express yourself a little dramatically, yes, but I would say you saw and shared…me. I can’t really think of another wording for it. It was just…me.”</p>
<p>Padme nodded against his shoulder. Dramatics-sramatics, your soul it was then, she silently concluded. It was more of a confirmation then a surprise to her, but it didn’t diminish her feelings about it. On the contrary, they were now more valuable than ever.</p>
<p>“Do the jedi ever have romantic love?”</p>
<p>The instant she said it she wanted to take it back. It was not what she had wanted to say, it just blurted out. Not that it wasn’t a question she had been asking herself for a while now, but the timing simply was awful. With baited breath she awaited his reaction.</p>
<p>“Why?” he finally asked after a long silence.</p>
<p>She shrugged as casually as she could. “Just wondering where all the little jedi’s come from.”</p>
<p>His laugh started as a small rumble in his chest but eventually turned into a full-scale earthquake. It echoed through the room and Padme could swear the fire burned a little brighter. She released her breath, relieved he believed her excuse and that it hadn’t turned into an awkward moment.</p>
<p>“Yes, the jedi do know romantic love. But the younglings aren’t the result of jedi parentage. The midichlorians can be infused into a child by the Force during the pregnancy, it doesn’t need the parents to be established jedi.”</p>
<p>“But it has happened? That a jedi has a family?”</p>
<p>“Yes, it has happened in the past. The Jedi Code forbids romantic involvement with another person because of the risks, as I explained last time. But there have been jedi that have taken a wife or husband. They were expelled from the Order and were not allowed to use the Force again.”</p>
<p>“Do you think the punishment was appropriate?” she asked, hoping her voice would sound even and casual.</p>
<p>“Yes, it’s too difficult to have both.”</p>
<p>“But would it be worth it?”</p>
<p>She knew the full extent and implication of her question. She was basically asking Obi-wan if he could choose love over the Force. It was a dangerous question, but she couldn’t help but ask it. She truly wanted to know. Obi-wan again was silent for a moment. When he answered his voice sounded distant, like his thoughts were parsecs away.</p>
<p>“I don’t know…”</p>
<p>Padme wasn’t sure what his answer could mean and she closed her eyes in an attempt to analyze his words. The fact he hadn’t spoken out immediately declaring love to be a forbidden emotion was a good thing. But then again he hadn’t really confirmed anything either…</p>
<p>“Padme?”</p>
<p>“Mmm”</p>
<p>“Are you asleep?”</p>
<p>“No, I’m awake.”</p>
<p>“Then why are your eyes closed and you haven’t said anything for the last half hour?”</p>
<p>‘Half hour? What is he talking about, I just said something a minute ago! And why is it so dark in here?’</p>
<p>“We just had a conversation…why is it so dark in here? Is the fire still going?”</p>
<p>She felt Obi-wan’s chest vibrate a little with his chuckle. “We ended our conversation half an hour ago when you stopped asking me question. Yes, the fire is still going. And as to why it’s so dark, that’s probably because you still have your eyes closed.”</p>
<p>Padme needed a moment before she could process all the information. “Oh”</p>
<p>“Why don’t we retire for the night.”</p>
<p>“Nnnnnnn, I don’t feel like sleeping yet.”</p>
<p>“Really? Then you can open your eyes?”</p>
<p>She tried to open her eyes for what seemed like ages. Eventually she gave up. “Too hard…”</p>
<p>Obi-wan didn’t respond. His shoulder disappeared from her shoulders and she fell back against the couch. Then she felt his strong arms slide under her back and knees. On a reflex she wrapped her arms around his neck. She could feel Obi-wan’s beard brush against her forehead. It was both a familiar and reassuring feeling. For a few moments she felt weightless, cradled in his arms. Then he lowered her unto what felt suspiciously like a mattress and covered her with what clearly felt like a thick blanket. She sighed and squirmed a little, her arms still around his neck and her eyes still closed.</p>
<p>“Mmm”</p>
<p>His warm hands pried off her fingers and laid her arms next to her body.</p>
<p>“Goodnight, Padme.”</p>
<p>“Goodnight,” she murmured.</p>
<p>Although she was lingering in between awake and asleep she could feel the gentle pressure of Obi-wan’s lips on her forehead. It was the tickle of his beard, the softness of his lips and the instant warmth that gave him away. Then she heard him walk away and the door softly closed behind him. Now she was alone she willed her mind to think things through before she fell asleep.</p>
<p>It was now absolutely clear to her that she would deny Anakin in his romantic interest in her. She did not return the sentiment and she would not be the reason why he would be expelled from the jedi order. She would also tell him that his feelings were dangerous and that he should talk with Obi-wan about them. Somehow she had the feeling Anakin was hiding a few things from his master, especially this. If things could turn out as grave as Obi-wan say they could, immediate steps should be taken to ensure Anakin stays on the right path. She would talk to him after Obi-wan leaves.</p>
<p>After her decision about Anakin two things kept bothering her. One was Obi-wan’s half answer at the end of their conversation, the other was their contact. When she had asked him if love was worth giving up being a jedi he had sounded so deep in thought that his answer didn’t add up. If you don’t know something then you can say that without hesitation, she knew Obi-wan would do so in her presence. But he hadn’t. His answer had felt like he was hiding his real answer, giving her an unclear one that could mean anything and nothing at the same time. She was unsure how to feel about this.</p>
<p>Then there was their contact. She had wondered about their contact for a long time now, ever since she had gotten her memories back. It had stung a little when Anakin mentioned that only the weak-minded could be influenced by Force suggestion, but she had to admit that she had been young and emotionally weak at the time. She comforted herself with the fact that she was a lot stronger now. But she wondered about the warmth that always appeared when Obi-wan would touch her. She could remember overhearing Obi-wan and Yoda now, and knew Obi-wan felt it too. He had even said so tonight. What did he say again? Ah yes, he had gotten cold from the rain on Kamino and the cold atmosphere in his ship. But he said it was going to be better when she had placed her hand on top of his. His hand did feel cold to her, but…quickly…after…</p>
<p>She opened her eyes and sat up straight. His hands had been cold. But they had warmed immediately when she had touched them. And the cold hadn’t bothered her at all. Not like times when Anakin had touched her skin. His hands had been freezing and caused her to shiver instantly. But the thing that gave her the mental shock was the idea that Anakin’s hand might not have been cold at all. He had never complained about being cold and he always wore his warm jedi tunic. In fact, when she really thought about it, it hadn’t really been Anakin’s body temperature that had disturbed her. It was his touch. His touch caused shivers and gooseflesh, but not in the good sense. Her sexual frustrations had welcomed his attention, but her entire being had rejected him the moment he had touched her skin.</p>
<p>That led her to another big revelation. Obi-wan’s touch had no such effect on her. In fact, did she not welcome his touch? She could remember her emotional state when the two jedi had chased after the bountyhunter on Coruscant. It was his touch she had needed then, the comfort he brought her. She felt so safe in his arms. So safe and…</p>
<p>She clapped her hand over her mouth even though she hadn’t uttered a word. Oh my goodness. She felt safe and…loved. When she was with Obi-wan she felt loved, unafraid to show whom she really was without having to worry about appearances, fears or weaknesses. Padme felt like crying and hysterically laughing at the same time. For she knew she would only let her guard down so completely with the people she loved. So that left her with only one explanation why everything about Obi-wan felt so good to her. She loved him.</p>
<p>Immediately she realized why Obi-wan’s half answer had been bothering her so much. She wanted him to say yes. To acknowledge that he thought love was one of the greatest things in the world and worth the sacrifice. That he himself had found someone to make the sacrifice for, that is was she…</p>
<p>She let herself fall back into her bed, grabbed her pillow and pressed it into her face. Then she groaned as loudly as she could. She threw the pillow next to her and stared at the ceiling.</p>
<p>‘Why must everything be so difficult? Why can’t I just for once stumble upon the easy road, the easy way? Nooooo, Padme must long for that which she cannot get. Way to go girl, could you possible set your sights any higher?’</p>
<p>She snorted. At least she could now understand what Anakin was rambling on about. She indeed wanted to be with Obi-wan and he had already starred in her dreams a few times. It would have been funny if it wasn’t so depressing. She now had a good solid argument to deny Anakin with. She was in love with his master…</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>Obi-wan lay on the soft bed, his eyes fixed on an invisible spot on the ceiling. He was surprised that his thoughts were rather calm after the interesting and stirring conversation he had with Padme. The only thing that bothered him about their conversation was the fact that he hadn’t given her an honest answer. He told her he didn’t know if giving up the Jedi Order for love was worth it. But he did. And he had for a long time now.</p>
<p>He rolled over to his side and stared at the dying fire in the hearth of this room. Qui-gon had been an unusual master and jedi, one who thought that love was an integral part of life and he living Force. That was probably the only reason Qui-gon had accepted him back after his little stunt on Melida/Dann. Obi-wan closed his eyes for a moment. Melida/Dann. A planet engulfed with civil war and he a padawan throwing away his commitment to the Jedi Order all because of his conviction to help the Young movement in its quest to end the war. That, and his love for one of its members. Janishe, the girl with the long black hair and piercing green eyes…</p>
<p>He had been ostracized by the Order. With a grim smile he remembered how things had failed between him and Janishe, and how he had come back to Qui-gon on his knees, begging his forgiveness. In a cold voice his master had told him that his actions were inexcusable, and if Obi-wan had done this for reasons other than love he would not have accepted him back. For months things had been strained between him and Qui-gon. Finally one evening, after his doing his extra duties, Obi-wan had sat down on the couch next to his master. Qui-gon had looked sternly at him for a long time, before asking him one question.</p>
<p>“Is love worth giving up being a jedi?”</p>
<p>Obi-wan had immediately responded that it wasn’t. He had thought so when he had left his title as padawan behind on Melida/Dann, but his fear of again being denied his life as a jedi had been great and it forced him to follow and obey the Code in its totality. To his surprise a brief look of disappointment flashed across Qui-gon’s face, before he spoke again.</p>
<p>“Then you will devote your life to the jedi.”</p>
<p>Qui-gon had looked away and said nothing for the rest of the evening. Obi-wan had taken his words to heart and had followed the Code ever since. But something had struck him tonight. For years he hadn’t thought of that brief conversation he had with Qui-gon so many years ago, but Padme’s question had brought it back. Is love worth giving up being a jedi? In a moment of clarity he knew that Qui-gon would have said yes, that true love was worth it. And the scary thing was that Obi-wan was starting to agree with him. His love for Janishe had been good but not true enough. It was a mixture of their love and the war that fuelled his decision then.</p>
<p>But now… He sighed. Now he was starting to agree with Qui-gon again because of Padme. He had closed off their connection so long ago because he didn’t know how to handle it. It scared him how easy the young Queen had entered his heart and had shattered all his defences. He had turned his back on her, part for Anakin’s sake and part for his own, and had tried to forget her. But the Force had different ideas. Now she had entered his life again after ten years the process had started all over again, only faster this time. The night they shared talking had brought him back to exactly the same position he had been in when they said goodbye on Naboo. And again he had no idea what to do.</p>
<p>He almost laughed out loud. He thought he would be far more anxious and nervous and panicky when he realized again he was in love with Padme Amidala, but instead he found himself lying comfortable on a soft bed smiling at his own predicament. He silently chastised himself.</p>
<p>‘Oh, Kenobi, look at the mess you’ve managed to drag yourself into.’</p>
<p>The only reason why he was so calm about it all was the fact that he hadn’t received any indication from the Force that this was wrong. Come to think of it, he could only think of the warmth their physical contact always brought on. Clearly it was no matter of body heat, for his hands had been freezing when he had arrived here tonight. No, it had been the Force, he was sure of it. Even though she was not Force sensitive he was sure of it. And if that was true, then how could he not see this as a positive sign?</p>
<p>With a small groan he rolled unto his back again and he focused on his breathing. Quickly he entered a light phase of meditation and soon sleep found him. He would think about it all again tomorrow.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In the end, do you choose for unstable passion, or for peace of heart?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Thoughts</p>
<p>The light coming through the windows was slowly convincing Padme it was morning and time to get up. With a small groan she threw off the blanket and turned in her bed so she could place her feet on the floor. The coldness of the stones under her soles brought some clarity to her sleep befuddled brain, starting the thought process. And the first thought of the day was the name of the jedi whose status had completely changed last night. Obi-wan. She groaned a little louder this time and let herself fall back on the bed.</p>
<p>For a minute she lay on her back, thinking about everything that had happened last night. First the mess with Anakin, then the wonderful time in Obi-wan’s arms. And of course, let us not forget the brilliant conversation I initiated, practically stating I was in love with him when I didn’t even knew it myself, she thought. Smart girl Padme, she praised herself, reeeeal smart.</p>
<p>A soft knock on the door brought her back to reality.</p>
<p>“Milady? Breakfast is ready. Will you be needing assistance getting dressed?”</p>
<p>Padme smiled. Jalné was a wonderful help, but sometimes a little too formal. Dormé would have barged into the room and started pulling dresses out of the closet before she could have said good morning.</p>
<p>“I will be out in a minute, Jalné. Please inform master Kenobi and Anakin that breakfast is ready.”</p>
<p>“They already know, milady. They have been doing morning exercises for an hour now in the courtyard. Shall I again ask them to join you at the breakfast table?”</p>
<p>Padme’s head shot up and in a second she was off the bed and looking for her robes.</p>
<p>“No, that’s alright, Jalné. I will tell them myself. Set the table for three, we will be there shortly.”</p>
<p>“Of course, milady.”</p>
<p>Two jedi doing morning exercises was enough incentive to get her body and mind going for the day. Her curiosity about the Force and the jedi was still unsatisfied, and watching them exercise sounded very appealing to her. Quickly she slipped into a simple dress and adjusted her hair. After breakfast she would dress a little better. Right now she had to see what Obi-wan and Anakin were doing.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>“Mind you breathing, Anakin, and adjust your left foot.”</p>
<p>Obi-wan could feel rather than hear Anakin’s grunt and silently he chuckled. I suppose being corrected by your master on your first solo mission isn’t exactly fun, he thought. But then again, Anakin asked me to have a morning training session. So it really isn’t my fault.</p>
<p>“Good, Anakin. Do it again.”</p>
<p>He carefully watched Anakin as he was moving through the designated movements of the third kata. Their lightsabers were lying on the bench to the side, Obi-wan had decided to practise unarmed combat techniques since Anakin wasn’t all that fond of them and tended to underestimate their value.</p>
<p>“No, raise your right arm a little higher. You should hit just below the sternum, not the stomach.”</p>
<p>As his eyes watched his apprentice step and move his awareness flowed freely around them. He could sense Anakin sometimes reverting to his old mistake of projecting the Force ahead of his movement in an attempt to strengthen his moves. How many times must I tell him to let the Force flow with him instead of throwing it ahead of him, Obi-wan wondered. A small light in the Force appeared behind him and he immediately recognized it. Or her, to be more precise. But she stayed back and he concluded she was observing them. Inwardly he shrugged, smiled and accepted her curiosity. But first he had another mess to think about. He turned his full attention back to Anakin.</p>
<p>“No, first strike and then step!”</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>Padme watched him carefully as Obi-wan explained something to Anakin. The younger man had done something wrong and the master was correcting him. To her this was another example of how Obi-wan was still Anakin’s superior. Not in a negative sense of course. He just seemed…more mature, more balanced. Just better, she thought.</p>
<p>And as Obi-wan showed Anakin the correct way of moving she couldn’t help but think he was physically more attractive as well. They were both wearing thin shirts that were clinging to their torsos with sweat. A swell of heat moved through her as she saw Obi-wan’s chest and strong arms. The iron cages in her mind started rattling.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>“Breakfast has been wonderful, please give my thanks to the cook and Jalné.”</p>
<p>“I will, master Kenobi.”</p>
<p>Although she had quite the shocking revelation last night Padme knew it was important to not let anything show in Anakin’s presence. This was something between her and Obi-wan, something she wasn’t even sure of existed on his side. Sure they were comfortable around each other and they had a few tender moments in the past, but—</p>
<p>“When will you be leaving, master?”</p>
<p>Her head snapped up from her nearly finished breakfast and looked at Anakin.</p>
<p>‘Leaving? What, where, when? Obi-wan never said anything about leaving!’</p>
<p>“I will leave in an hour. It still is a long way to Kamino.”</p>
<p>Padme tried to remove the sudden lump in her throat and suppress her disappointment at his early departure. Not that she counted on him staying here for a long time, but a little longer would have been nice… She looked at her plate and shifted a few morsels of bread around with her fork.</p>
<p>‘Face it, Padme, you want him around for a lot longer than one evening.’</p>
<p>She placed her fork down on the table and casually gave Obi-wan a glance. He was talking to Anakin about…something or other. She sighed internally.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>She was overjoyed when Anakin said goodbye to Obi-wan and returned to the courtyard to resume exercising. This gave her the perfect opportunity of seeing him off and giving him the goodbye she wanted to. Together they walked across the hall towards the small dock where the boat waited for him. Her ‘enthusiastic’ hug briefly came to mind as he opened the door. Apparently he remembered it as well.</p>
<p>“Think we can do this a little more calmly this time?”</p>
<p>She blushed, but realized he was teasing her a little. Two can play that game, she thought.</p>
<p>“And here I was thinking the jedi can handle such physical challenges.”</p>
<p>He grinned and held out his arms. Without hesitation she stepped into them and circled her arms around his waist. She put her head on his shoulder but facing away from him. It was one thing to say goodbye, but another thing completely saying goodbye and look at those beautiful blue eyes of his. One of his arms covered her back and his other hand softly wrapped itself around her neck. After a moment he pulled back and turned away from her.</p>
<p>But before he could step through the door she shot out her left arm and grabbed his right shoulder. He looked back at her with a curious expression. Without saying a word she raised her right hand and placed it on his left cheek. Then she leaned up and placed the softest of kisses on his lips. In fact it wasn’t more then a slight brushing of lips, but the tingle racing through her lips and flushing her face was more than she had expected.</p>
<p>To be honest she hadn’t planned on doing this, but seeing him walk out that door made her reach out and show him she was going to miss him. In a fraction of a second she closed her eyes and cursed herself for being so weak and stupid. Then she leaned back and tried to read his reaction. She was feeling afraid and frustrated at the same time. Afraid she had gone too far, and frustrated she couldn’t give him a real kiss. A real kiss being the one where you could do a thorough examination of the other’s tonsils. She was about to speak up and start apologizing when his face, which was looking a little shocked a moment ago, split into a grin.</p>
<p>“Well this jedi can handle any challenge you wish to present.”</p>
<p>His response, to say the least, made her feel a little embarrassed. Not to mention elated, shocked, giddy and anxious. She settled for what she hoped was a casual smile and looked him in the eye. His beautiful eyes where she found a look of amusement and tenderness that send a pleasurable shiver down her spine.</p>
<p>“Be safe.”</p>
<p>Obi-wan nodded. “Yes, milady.”</p>
<p>Then he turned around and stepped out. She found herself rooted to the spot and could only hear him getting into the boat and leave the island. For a second she closed her eyes and tried to still the butterflies in her stomach, a result of her joy and fear. Bringing herself back to reality she turned on her heels and went to her room to change, on her way resisting the urge to skip instead of walk.</p>
<p>‘Be careful, Obi-wan. I need you to come back to me.’</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>Obi-wan settled his back against the boat and looked out over the water. Then the tingle that was burning on his lips started pulling at the muscles in his face. The corners of his lips tugged upwards and before he knew it he was grinning widely. It felt like his body had taken over and had planned a 24-hour grin this day, and he had no idea how to get the grin off his face.</p>
<p>‘Amazing…’</p>
<p>He had no idea how to get the stupid grin off his face, but he couldn’t be bothered by it. He rather liked it.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>‘Step…block…step…hit…step…jab…’</p>
<p>Anakin was methodically moving through the exercise. It felt good to relieve some stress through physical activity. Although Obi-wan’s timing was horrible, he was glad to see his master again. They made a good team, and it felt good to train with him for a while.</p>
<p>But as he finished his exercises he also felt glad Obi-wan had departed again. This was his solo mission, he needed to show he could do this on his own. And now Obi-wan was gone Padme would spend her time with him again.</p>
<p>‘Patience, patience…she will come to you soon enough…’</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>Obi-wan followed Taunt We down the sterile white corridors of the cloning facility. He thanked his lucky stars he didn’t have to see the actual cloning process. The thought of those artificial babies hanging from large breeding pods made his skin crawl. Not that he thought the clones should be treated inferior, not at all. Just in his personal opinion there was nothing like the real deal.</p>
<p>Many a times Qui-gon and he had visited the crèche at the temple to watch the younglings and learn from them. The story of their first meeting was already a famous crèche story, although Obi-wan could hardly remember it. He still had the small wooden block on his nightstand back in his bedroom at the temple. It was a good reminder of the Force and Qui-gon to him and the block held great emotional value. Material possessions were forbidden to a jedi, but some small connections were allowed.</p>
<p>‘Perhaps I can show Padme the block when we’re back on Coruscant. I bet she’ll like that.’</p>
<p>Just outside one of the many nondescript doors Taun We stopped and pressed the door pad. Obi-wan quickly figured this was the home of the bountyhunter and quickly cleared his mind of all thoughts. All but one.</p>
<p>‘If he is the bountyhunter I’m looking for, I’ll make sure he will never get the chance to threaten Padme ever again.’</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>“I know I’m disobeying my mandate to protect you, Senator, but I have to go.”</p>
<p>The look in his eyes convinced her he was in real distress. But what could she do about it?</p>
<p>‘Oh Obi-wan, I wish I had asked you about Anakin, how to handle him, how to treat him…’</p>
<p>Softly Obi-wan’s words about duty and compassion floated back to her and she decided to forget about the things Anakin had said and done just two days ago. He still was her friend, and he needed her help.</p>
<p>“I have to help her!”</p>
<p>Besides, she agreed with him this was important on a personal level. She was tired of hiding and this gave her the opportunity to still lay low but do something meaningful at the same time.</p>
<p>“I’ll go with you.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, I don’t have a choice.”</p>
<p>The tiny flicker of despair in his eyes made up her mind. They would go to Tatooine and make sure Shmi was alright. The woman did help them so many years ago, it was the least she could do to repay her kindness.</p>
<p>‘I just hope Obi-wan will understand us doing this.’</p>
<p>She looked away from Anakin and gazed out over the water. She wondered where Obi-wan was.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>He could have sworn there was a flash of love in her eyes. A swell of gratitude and affection surged through him when she offered her help. His nightmares had convinced him his mother was in grave danger and he had to do something. He wanted to take Padme in his arms and show her how much her support meant to him. She looked away and stared at the water.</p>
<p>‘You are so beautiful, Padme. You’re so kind and caring…I love you so much…’</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>“Bring him here. Question him, we will.”</p>
<p>“Yes, master. I will report back when I have him.”</p>
<p>As R4 shut down the connection between them and Coruscant Obi-wan tried to arrange his thoughts. Jango Fett did seem the one responsible for the assassination attempt on Padme, but the trail ended cold here on Kamino. There was no motive for the Kaminoans to assassinate Padme. It just didn’t add up. But master Yoda was right. He was assuming too much, and that was never a good thing. Fett had mentioned a jedi by the name of Tyranus. He had never heard of him, but his feelings told him it wasn’t just a ruse to confuse him.</p>
<p>Shaking off the water from his robes Obi-wan climbed into his ship and programmed it to stay in low orbit. He would remain here to surprise Fett when he would leave on another assignment.</p>
<p>‘This puzzle is starting to bother me. I have a bad feeling about all of this, just like the time when Qui-gon and I stepped aboard that Trade Federation control ship. Something is very wrong…’</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>She was watching him carefully as Cliegg Lars explained about Shmi. It was an awful story to hear, even to her, but she had no idea how Anakin was going to take this. As Cliegg finished telling him about the Tuskan raiders she saw his grief and confusion make way for anger. Everything about him suddenly spoke of anger and hatred. His body was tense and his eyes were burning, even though she could see the unshed tears in them.</p>
<p>When he turned away from the table and said he was going to find her his voice broke a little. She closed her eyes as sadness rose in her. This wasn’t supposed to happen. They were going to get Shmi, and everything would have been alright. Naïve perhaps, but one can hope right?</p>
<p>Anakin walked away when Cliegg told him his mother was most likely dead. She could imagine he would not accept such an answer. She watched him as he walked up the stairs and vanished out the door.</p>
<p>‘Obi-wan, I wish you were here…Sometimes I don’t know what to do with him. Should I go after him, console him? Or would be uncomfortable for us both?’</p>
<p>But the only answer Obi-wan had left her was that his sense of duty came from compassion. With a silent sigh she stood up and headed to the stairs.</p>
<p>‘This is not about your personal feelings, Padme. He is in pain and he needs your help.’</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>Obi-wan jumped high and twisted his body as he anticipated the blaster shot. He extended his right leg and kicked out hard. Fett flew back from the force of the impact and started sliding down the side of the landing pad. The metal was glistening a greyish blue from the constant rain. But this observation was quickly replaced with the realization that if Fett was going down that slope the cable would ensure Obi-wan was to accompany him.</p>
<p>“Oh not good…”</p>
<p>As the cable pulled him head first down the side a brief thought flashed through his mind.</p>
<p>‘Stay safe! Oh she is not going to like this…’</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>“You’re going have to stay here. These are good people, Padme, you’ll be safe.”</p>
<p>The hurt was clearly shining in his eyes, and her heart went out to him.</p>
<p>“Anakin”</p>
<p>She gently placed her arms around his neck and hugged him. It was a vain attempt to ease his pain, but she had to try. Somehow she feared what he was going to do but she couldn’t find any words to try and stop him. When she felt him squeeze her waist she briefly thought he was giving in to his grief rather than his anger and would stay here. But he pulled away with a look of determination on his face. Determination born out of anger. She stumbled back a few steps as he walked off to his speeder bike.</p>
<p>“I won’t be long.”</p>
<p>He stepped on the bike and in a flash he was gone, speeding across the sands to rescue his mother from the hands of the Tuskan raiders. She watched as his form grew smaller and smaller.</p>
<p>‘Don’t do something you’ll regret, Anakin. Just come back…’</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>He took one last look at her before he moved away and mounted his speeder. It was difficult to think straight through the haze of his emotions. The embrace Padme had just given him filled part of his soul with a serenity he rarely had these days. But the grief over his mother pulled stronger on him. He would find her and rescue her. And as for the Tuskans… His inside felt like molten lava, ready to erupt in an explosion of intense anger.</p>
<p>He kicked the acceleration and sped off into the desert. Not once did the thought of releasing his emotions into the Force cross his mind.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>“R4…prepare to jettison the spare part canisters.”</p>
<p>The missile was too persistent to shake. Maybe Anakin could have done it, but he’s a better pilot than I am, Obi-wan thought. He spotted two large asteroids with a narrow gap in between them. He steered his ship towards it and hoped it would be enough space for him to escape and confuse the bountyhunter’s sensors.</p>
<p>“Fire them now!”</p>
<p>He trusted the canisters were released even though he had no way to check it. Quickly he pulled his ship down and dove between the asteroids. If he had time for it the single thought in the back of his mind would have been quite amusing.</p>
<p>‘She is definitely not going to like this!’</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In the end, do you choose for unstable passion, or for peace of heart?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Death</p>
<p>Silently and without much conscious thought Padme was running her fingers over the seam of her sleeve. It had been hours since Anakin had left to find his mother, and they hadn’t heard anything from him. Strangely enough she wasn’t afraid he was in trouble. He could handle himself if anything should happen, the night of her assassination attempt had taught her that. But she was feeling a little scared, scared that Anakin could not find his mother, or even worse to find her dead. Cliegg was nearly convinced that Shmi was dead, impossible for her to survive this long out in the wilderness amongst those savages. Padme knew that hope was eternal and there was always a slight chance that Anakin’s mother was still alive. But she could see how sad Cliegg was and understood that there was practically no hope. She didn’t know Tatooine as they did.</p>
<p>“Credit for your thoughts?”</p>
<p>A little startled she turned her head and saw Cliegg looking at her, his chair on the threshold. She hadn’t heard him approach her, but her mind had been a little preoccupied.</p>
<p>“May I come in?”</p>
<p>She nodded her consent. Cliegg guided his chair forward and rolled up next to the bed she was sitting on. For a moment she studied his face. It was, as most faces on Tatooine, a little worn and weathered by the ever-present heat and sunshine. His beard had light streaks of brown still in it but was rapidly changing to grey. The hair on his head was more or less still its original color, making him seem less old. He looked the kind of man that could work all day without a single complaint and come home in the evening to be with his wife and child, a real father. A man who would sacrifice anything for them, clearly demonstrated by his current injury. A realization came to her and she smiled sadly at him.</p>
<p>“You loved Shmi, didn’t you?”</p>
<p>He looked at her with the same sad and somewhat lonely expression he had during the conversation hours ago with Anakin.</p>
<p>“Yes, I did.”</p>
<p>With a swell of sympathy she reached out and laid her hand on top of his. He smiled and looked down at his lap.</p>
<p>“I will always love her. But I had to face the harsh reality, she won’t come back.”</p>
<p>“It hurts when those we love leave us.”</p>
<p>She saw him nod slowly. Padme squeezed his hand.</p>
<p>“Were you happy?”</p>
<p>With this question he looked up at her again, his eyes shining with tears. “Very much.”</p>
<p>Padme smiled at him. “Then you have given Shmi something good and free in a lifetime of slavery. She will remember that.”</p>
<p>His smile tightened and she could see the tension in his face. He was clearly experiencing a lot of emotions and was struggling to not let them break down his composure. Something she could understand, having to do so every time she walked into the Senate building to do her part as senator. It was something essential in her line of work to reign in emotions, as they could prove your downfall in the political arena where everything consisted of arguments, logic and twisted logic. Someone thrown slightly off course by emotions would be eaten alive by the sharks in the murky waters of the Senate.</p>
<p>“What about you?”</p>
<p>Her head snapped back at him after drifting away, immersed in her thoughts.</p>
<p>“Me?”</p>
<p>“Yes, you. Forgive me if I’m too curious for my own good but Shmi was my wife and I will treat Anakin like my son.” He turned over his hand and gently squeezed hers. “Can I see you as part of the family as well?”</p>
<p>For a second his words didn’t reach her and she blankly stared at him. Then her eyes widened and her insides tightened in embarrassment and awkwardness.</p>
<p>“No, no! I…I’d be honored to be part of your family, but that is not the case.”</p>
<p>He looked at her with a small frown on his forehead. “I’m sorry…I assumed…”</p>
<p>She hung her head a little. “Anakin is my friend, I couldn’t let him go alone.”</p>
<p>“Mmm, that’s very admirable of you. Anakin is lucky to have you.”</p>
<p>She couldn’t think of anything to say in response to this. On the one hand she wanted to thank Cliegg for his compliment, but she also didn’t want to give him the impression that Anakin ‘had’ her in any way. With a small feeling of guilt she realized she hadn’t really done a lot to state she wasn’t involved with Anakin. She had just travelled thirty parsecs with him to visit his mother, admittedly that didn’t seem like something casual friends would do for each other.</p>
<p>“I’ll let you get some sleep now, it’s late.”</p>
<p>Padme looked back at him and smiled. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>Cliegg nodded and he steered his chair towards the door. With his back to her he stopped just before exiting. He turned his head back to her and spoke in a strong but somewhat hushed voice.</p>
<p>“Anakin will make it back.”</p>
<p>Hey eyes sought out the same spot on the wall she had been looking at before Cliegg had joined her. “I know,” she softly replied.</p>
<p>Again he nodded. Then he left the room and the door quietly closed behind him. Padme sighed and let herself fall back on the bed. Her thoughts drifted to the two jedi who had turned her world upside down these last few days. She could hardly believe all of this happened in a matter of days, instead of weeks or months or years even. She worried about Anakin, out there looking for his mother. Something told her he wasn’t going to react well if his mother was dead, and she didn’t know how she could help him. Padme closed her eyes and thought of Obi-wan. He would know what to do, she thought. The master could help the apprentice, guide him through such an emotional time.</p>
<p>Then a memory sparked in her. Obi-wan had lost Qui-gon on Naboo and the imposing master had been like a father to him. She could remember it clearly. They had sat together, she in his lap, talking about it in soft voices. The memory gave her a bit of confidence. All everybody needs after a personal loss is someone who will listen to him or her, maybe offer a reassuring hug. With that in mind she sat up and started to look for her sleepwear. When Anakin would come back she knew how she could be his friend. She would listen to everything he had to say, let him get it out of his system. A little less anxious she made ready for bed.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>With his eyes closed he brought himself into a deep meditation. The sun was liberally streaming into his private chamber, but its brightness and heat did not reach him. It had taken him many years in his youth but he could sink into meditation deep enough to completely shut out all influences from the outside. This brought his own thoughts and the feeling of the Force more to the front, enhancing his ability to work with both.</p>
<p>Today had been abnormally quiet. The temple always held a number of jedi going to and fro on their business, creating a calm but ever-busy atmosphere. But today the general mood seemed…dampened somehow. He sighed internally. Probably because so many jedi were on assignment right this moment, trying to hold the fragile peace in this universe intact.</p>
<p>But the younglings in his class this afternoon were also subdued. Normally they would have questions, revealing their youthful curiosity and playfulness. Just not today. Perhaps something was gathering in the Force. The young ones often subconsciously felt changes coming and it would do the elder jedi good to remember such things, he though with a silent chuckle.</p>
<p>Following his own advice he delved even deeper into meditation, focusing himself fully on the flow of the Force in all its aspects. To him the Force was like a never-ending ribbon, perpetually winding itself around and through every living being in the universe. The ribbon would rise and fall, glow brighter or dim, lay still or suddenly move. In his mind he reached out and carefully touched the band of the Living Force. It briefly glowed under his touch but continued to flow as normal. Well, as normal as could be expected in these troubling times. Prime example was this planet. Coruscant was an enormous gathering of creatures and species, often with less than honorable intents.</p>
<p>Shrugging off such feelings he focused more on the distant call of the Unifying Force. In his view the Unifying Force was not yet part of the ribbon. The Unifying Force to him were the colors in the sky and on the horizon deep in his mind, slowly merging with the bands of the Living Force over time. The location and color could warn him of danger or tell him of wondrous things. He could remember sometimes seeing magnificent colors merging into the Living Force, resulting in remarkable events. Even individuals at times. One that immediately came to mind was the unusual mixture of blue, silver, grey and green that had merged into a small but very dense portion of the Living Force so many years ago. With a soft smile he could remember the little boy coming to the temple for the first time. He had seen and felt the connection between Qui-gon and the little boy instantly, even though they hadn’t. He was almost proven wrong years later, but his faith in the two had paid off. They had formed an incredible duo, often referred to as the Order’s best team.</p>
<p>Obi-wan Kenobi. One of the most remarkable and admirable knights in the Order at this time. He knew it would not be long until Obi-wan would be on the council. He almost exemplified the all-round jedi, his strength and wisdom known throughout the temple. If he were to be honest he had a soft spot in his heart for the jedi knight too. There was just something pure, honest and peaceful about him that made it impossible to dislike him.</p>
<p>He lightly frowned. Obi-wan was currently trying to track down the culprits behind the assassination attempt on Senator Amidala. And by doing so had discovered a larger plot, which caused him to worry a great deal more about everything. He hoped Obi-wan would return safely, the order could definitely use his strength to unravel and fight all the looming mysteries.</p>
<p>In an expected vain attempt he tried to feel Obi-wan in the Force, to see how he was doing, but his signature was nowhere to be found in the Force. This actually made him smile. Obi-wan was stealthily executing his mission, not even risking detection through the Force. He was proud to know Obi-wan was doing his utmost to uncover the plot. His training had not been forgotten.</p>
<p>Unlike Obi-wan’s apprentice. He took a calming breath before searching for Anakin’s presence in the Force. How different master and apprentice can be, he briefly thought. Through the years he had seen Anakin grow up from a young boy to a strong young man, and seen him grow in his connection to the Force. But sometimes he could not help but think there was something wrong him still. Obi-wan was a strict but fair teacher, however with a large tolerance. Ordinarily this was not a bad thing but he wondered if Anakin was showing his master everything about himself. Tolerance is good, if blind it doesn’t make you, he thought. It would no do good if—</p>
<p>The colour in the Living Force changed, but it was far away from him. Mentally he searched for the disturbance. Sounds reached his ears and he felt his flesh grow cold as he heard them. Incoherent screams filled his ears, bringing the feel of pain and death to him. Then he heard a male voice call out for Anakin. He felt the tip of his ears rise as he instantly recognized the voice. It had belonged to Qui-gon, one of his old apprentices. Only in the deepest of his meditations could he sometimes hear individual voices in the Force, but always very faint and incomprehensible. Yet this time his cry was as clear as Rokian crystal. More pain washed over his consciousness.</p>
<p>He barely noticed the door of his chamber open and Mace walk in. The jedi master settled himself on one of the large cushions. Letting the voices drift away from him a little he opened his eyes and looked at his fellow council member and old apprentice. Mace frowned a little and concern laced his voice.</p>
<p>“What is it?”</p>
<p>Jedi Master Yoda, unelected head of the Jedi Council and oldest jedi knight alive, closed his eyes again and let the voices and feelings come back to him through the Force.</p>
<p>“Pain, suffering…death, I feel.”</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>“Listen”</p>
<p>Padme stopped eating the moment Lars spoke. All day she had been on edge, waiting for any sign of Anakin. She looked at him, trying to read his eyes. Suddenly they widened.</p>
<p>“It’s a speederbike.”</p>
<p>In a flash everyone was up and heading for the surface. Lars quickly ran up the stairs with her right behind him. When she finally walked up the last set of stairs she could see Anakin walking around the bike. His dark attire stood out clearly against the bright sands. He had his head turned down a little and she couldn’t see his eyes. She was worried for him, but that feeling was quickly replaced by shock as he lifted up a body wrapped in grey cloth from the bike. She held her hand against her mouth, holding in her gasp.</p>
<p>Anakin slowly walked past them. He levelled his gaze with everyone, telling them without words that he had found his mother when no one else was willing to look for her anymore. Padme understood his reaction and even felt a little guilty herself. But the moment he looked at her she was surprised by the amount of hatred he held. It was a mere glance, he moved past her quickly and didn’t look at her anymore, but it was enough to convince her something had gone very wrong. She had expected him to come back immensely sad, not angry. But as he descended down the stairs his whole posture yelled of a barely contained anger. With an inaudible sigh she closed her eyes. It was going to be hard getting through to Anakin and offer him her support. But she would do it.</p>
<p>After Anakin had handed over the body of his mother he disappeared. Eventually she tracked him down in the systems room. Padme knew he was very fond of tinkering with gadgets and technology but this time it wasn’t for his amusement. It was a defence mechanism, keeping himself occupied so he would not have to discover the depths of his grief. With the help of Beru she made a lunch tray for him, hoping he wouldn’t see through her excuse to see him.</p>
<p>She walked down the small ramp and watched him for a moment. He was doing something to some machine and kept his gaze fixed downwards. Instantly she knew this was going to be difficult.</p>
<p>“I brought you something.”</p>
<p>He just kept working.</p>
<p>“Are you hungry?”</p>
<p>For a split second she thought he was going to ignore her completely. She looked down at the tray and tried to think of another excuse to disrupt his obvious attempt at hiding. When he spoke up she quickly looked back at him.</p>
<p>“The shifter broke.”</p>
<p>Well, at least he’s not completely unresponsive, she thought. She scanned around the room for a place to set down his lunch.</p>
<p>“Life seems so much simpler when you’re fixing things.”</p>
<p>She was a little surprised he was actually talking, so decided not to interrupt him. Placing the tray on an empty surface to her left she calmed herself and focused on his every word in order to help him the best she could.</p>
<p>“I’m good at fixing things. Always was.”</p>
<p>Padme turned and looked at him. He was still looking down, his hands working the machine. But she could tell he wasn’t really interested in it anymore.</p>
<p>“But I couldn’t…”</p>
<p>She carefully refrained from speaking out. He was touching the subject of his mother on his own and she didn’t want to scare him off. Then his hands stilled and he looked up. His eyes held a mixture of anger and childlike grief, born out of stubbornness and not understanding.</p>
<p>“Why did she have to die?”</p>
<p>He locked eyes with her for a second before looking away.</p>
<p>“Why couldn’t I save her?”</p>
<p>Anakin looked back at her and she felt his eyes search hers, looking for an answer that would take away all the grief and pain. But she didn’t have it. He was asking questions she had no answers to. Especially the last one.</p>
<p>“I know I could have!”</p>
<p>He turned and walked away from the table. It gave Padme the time she needed to formulate her response. She wanted to give him some kind of answer that would probably bring his grief into harsh daylight, but at the same time sooth his emotions. Slowly and tentatively she took a few steps towards him.</p>
<p>“Sometimes there are things no one can fix.”</p>
<p>He kept his back at her and gave no sign he heard her. But she knew she needed to forge ahead.</p>
<p>“You’re not all powerful.”</p>
<p>“Well I should be!”</p>
<p>His sudden reply puzzled her. What did he say? He should be all-powerful? Her worries increased another notch.</p>
<p>“Someday I will be. I will be the most powerful jedi ever.”</p>
<p>She could hear him take a breath in between his tears. Part of her wanted to reach out and touch him, give him a shoulder to cry on, but his words were stirring a whole different response in her. Declarations of power usually had a very negative effect with her. Anakin in a quick move turned his head around and stared at her.</p>
<p>“I promise you.”</p>
<p>The intensity of his emotions in his eyes almost gave her the same suffocating feeling he had given her a few days ago.</p>
<p>“I will even learn to stop people from dying.”</p>
<p>This time his words really made her worry about his mind. She tried to gather the words necessary to make him see reason again.</p>
<p>“Anakin…”</p>
<p>But he looked away again, his breaths short.</p>
<p>“It’s all Obi-wan’s fault.”</p>
<p>‘What! Where the hell did that come from?’</p>
<p>“He’s jealous. He’s holding me back!”</p>
<p>To punctuate his statement he threw the spanner he’d been using across the room. With a dull clunk of metal on metal it hit a piece of scrap and disappeared from sight. She was still trying to make sense of his words and apparent wish to become so powerful he could stop death, but she had a slight ringing in her ears at the outrageous accusations at Obi-wan. Where did he have the nerve to accuse Obi-wan so! He had done nothing but teach and guide Anakin, probably giving him more time and attention than the average parent did.</p>
<p>When he turned his back to her again she saw his shoulders slump a little. She practically saw the anger he had just displayed leave his body, deflating him a little. The only feeling she could sense in him was guilt. Her logical mind told her that perhaps there was a reason why he was turning on Obi-wan like that, placing blame with others.</p>
<p>“What’s wrong Ani?” she asked him, her voice sounding undemanding yet a little reproving.</p>
<p>It took a while for him to respond. He still kept his back at her and she had to strain to hear his voice.</p>
<p>“I…”</p>
<p>The tone of his voice told her there was something very wrong. Something more than finding his mother dead.</p>
<p>“I killed them.”</p>
<p>Instantly a violent chill ran down her spine. The muscles of her lower back cramped painfully and her mind reeled at his words.</p>
<p>“I killed them all. They’re dead. Every single one of them.”</p>
<p>He turned and she looked at his face. She prided herself in her ability to read people, but at this very moment she cursed it. His gaze made her shiver internally, intensifying the pain in her lower back.</p>
<p>“And not just the men. But the women, and the children too.”</p>
<p>Although she could see his eyes were wet with tears his entire demeanour and voice revealed nothing of sorrow or pain. She could only stand in silence and hear him out. The shock was too great for her to respond to him. His words reached her ears but her mind was refusing to acknowledge them.</p>
<p>“They’re like animals. And I slaughtered them like animals!”</p>
<p>The anger, rage and utter contempt in his words and eyes pinned her to the ground, forcing her down like a dress made out of duristeel. She almost missed it but still managed to see his bottom lip trembling.</p>
<p>“I hate them!”</p>
<p>A solitary tear travelled down his cheek. He gave her one last intense look before turning his head. Her mind was filled with icy feelings of dread and fear. Mentally she slapped herself for not thinking how Anakin managed to get his mother back. Oh good heavens, she thought. He had to kill to get her back. Her heart immediately went out for him, imagining how much this must hurt him. When he sagged to the floor she had to hold back a few tears of her own. He was rapidly falling apart and the tears were flowing freely now. His previous anger was completely gone and all she could see now was grief, pain and loneliness.</p>
<p>Slowly she got down next to him. Her heart was overflowing with compassion as she ran her hand over his shoulder and back. His sobs now became audible and she let her hand go up the side of his head, stroking the short hair. For a moment he seemed to resist her touch but after a few seconds he shifted his legs to the side and leaned towards her. She pulled him into an embrace, holding him like a mother would her crying child.</p>
<p>Slowly she continued stroking his hair in an attempt to calm him. But she couldn’t calm herself. All sorts of emotions and ideas were running through her mind. First and foremost was sympathy for Anakin. He really didn’t deserve to lose his mother like this. She didn’t dare imagine if something like this would have happen to her mother, she’d be devastated. Sadness was the second emotion. Although she hadn’t spent a lot of time with Shmi she knew Anakin’s mother was an extraordinary woman, who didn’t deserve to pass on like this. I guess no one deserves any of this, she grimly thought.</p>
<p>As she sat there, rocking Anakin quietly, her sadness and compassion made room for another feeling. It started at the bottom of her heart and was slowly growing, but she had a hard time determining what is was. It didn’t feel like sympathy or compassion and didn’t have the same effect as her sadness. No it felt more… heavy, with a deadly potential. She started to grow afraid of it and tried to suppress it but it only grew larger and begged for her attention. Carefully she started exploring it. In her mind a small seed of the feeling was planted and it rapidly started growing. A wave of unease was the first thing she could make out. Unease at Anakin’s words, she realized. Her compassion said that was only natural, such grief and anger would scare anyone a little. Anakin had said things in anger, things he didn’t really mean. Yet the dark feeling grew again and the unease was replaced with a very cold feeling, one she knew belonged to death. She thanked whatever gods there were that she hadn’t experienced death many times, but ever since she had been to her grandmother’s funeral when she was a little girl death had left its distinctive mark behind. She could feel it now, lingering in between her and Anakin. Again her compassion told her it was natural, Shmi had just passed away. But the feeling stirred rather forcefully, convincing her it was something else.</p>
<p>Then it hit her like a bolt of lightning. It threw her mind in complete shock and her body chilled to the marrow of her bones. She felt Anakin’s hands creep up her sides and hold her more tightly to him. Cold, violent crimson fire gripped her insides and heart, their origin the contact between her and Anakin’s hands. In a moment of clarity, infinite in its meaning and just a fraction of a second in time, the red fire spelled out Anakin’s earlier words in her mind. I killed them. He had killed. I killed them all. The Tuskan raiders could have had an all warrior camp, holding Shmi… but… And not just the men. But the women, and children. Women and children wouldn’t be a threat to Anakin. They’re like animals. And I slaughtered them like animals. She closed her eyes as tears of utter horror and shock made their way down her cheeks. I hate them! No, no, no, this isn’t possible… Anakin what have you done? This wasn’t self-defence, or a justified action in a rescue mission. This only made sense if… Her stomach twisted in a painful knot and she could barely refrain herself from throwing up. This was only possible if Anakin killed everyone in that camp after he had found his mother dead. Otherwise he would have escaped before anyone would notice. This wasn’t a rescue, this was a massacre…</p>
<p>Suddenly the embrace she shared with Anakin felt like a straitjacket. It felt like she was suffocating, falling down a bottomless pit, drowning bound to a large rock with the light of the surface quickly disappearing. Her breathing picked up in pace and became a little shallow. Panic was rising in her throat, distorting her voice. It came out hoarse and a little feeble.</p>
<p>“Anakin”</p>
<p>He kept his hand on her body in their tight embrace. She had already placed her hands on his arms and tried to slowly push him away without being too obvious about it. But her emotional control was quickly slipping and she needed to get away.</p>
<p>“Anakin,” she tried again, this time a little louder.</p>
<p>But he kept his head down and tried to pull her even closer. Her breathing quickened again and she pushed harder.</p>
<p>“Anakin!” she half screamed.</p>
<p>This brought him out of his trance. His hold slackened and she quickly moved away. In a flash she was on her feet and immediately stepped back two feet. He looked up at her, his eyes red and puffy with a questioning look in them. Using her last shred of control she calmed down her breathing and forced out a simple excuse to excuse herself.</p>
<p>“I…I’m going to check on Cliegg. Perhaps decide what we can do for your mother…”</p>
<p>For a second he gave her a look filled with his earlier anger and in comprehension. She swallowed, suddenly afraid of him completely. Then his look changed and sadness overtook him again. He nodded slowly but remained sitting on the ground. With some relief she nodded too. She attempted to step away as calmly as possible but when she reached the top of the ramp and the beginning of the side corridor out of Anakin’s sight she quickly ran to the room Cliegg had given her. There she locked the door and crawled onto the bed, lying down in a foetal position. With her knees drawn up as tight as possible to her chest she finally let out the tears. Soundless heavy sobs wrecked her frame, releasing a lot of heavy emotion. It all felt too much to her. She closed her eyes tightly and willed everything to go away and leave her alone. But the situation didn’t change. Out of self-preservation her body urged her to sleep. Her mind quickly agreed and she fell into the gentle embrace of sleep, her tears drying on her cheeks.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In the end, do you choose for unstable passion, or for peace of heart?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Admittance</p>
<p>With growing concerns Padme was watching the recording of Obi-wan explain about his findings on Geonosis. Although his discoveries finally revealed the aggressor behind her assassination attempts she could only worry about Obi-wan. He was deep into enemy territory, risking his life to protect her.</p>
<p>“The Commerce Guilds and the Corporate Alliance have both pledged their armies to Count Dooku, and are forming a…wait—”</p>
<p>She held her breath as Obi-wan hesitated in his speech. When he ignited his lightsaber and started deflecting laser fire her whole body tensed. She squashed the impulse to close her eyes in denial and shock when the droideka stepped into the image. In a daze she listened to the discussion on Coruscant. The only thing she wanted to hear was immediate rescue plans for Obi-wan. Talk about the clone army gave her a funny feeling in the pit of her stomach.</p>
<p>“…that is your first priority.”</p>
<p>Quickly she pulled herself together after Mace’s last words to Anakin. They had said nothing about a rescue operation and this infuriated her.</p>
<p>“Understood, master.”</p>
<p>The image fizzled out and she turned to Anakin, determined to make him see there was something they could do for Obi-wan.</p>
<p>“They’ll never get there in time to save him, they have to come halfway across the galaxy. Look—,” she pressed a button on the console next to her, “Geonosis is less than a parsec away.”</p>
<p>“If he’s still alive.”</p>
<p>For a split second she thought she heard him wrong. It almost sounded like he was resigned to stay here and leave Obi-wan to his fate. He didn’t, right? But the tone of his voice struck a chord in her and further enhanced her aggravated state.</p>
<p>“Ani, are you just going to sit here and let him die? He’s your friend, your mentor, y—”</p>
<p>“He’s like my father!” Anakin bellowed.</p>
<p>This made her confused about Anakin’s feelings once again. Just the other day he was convinced everything was Obi-wan’s fault and now he was professing a childlike love for him? Admittedly, he said those nasty things in a fit of grief ridden rage, but everything has a certain amount of truth in it. She began to understand Obi-wan’s frustration with the boy, he really was affected by his emotions far more than was healthy for a jedi.</p>
<p>“But you heard master Windu, he gave me strict orders to stay here.”</p>
<p>‘So that’s it, you don’t want to lose face. You want to show the Council you are the perfect jedi on your first solo assignment. Well get your priorities straight mister, because I won’t stand for this!’</p>
<p>“He gave you strict orders to protect me. And I’m going to help Obi-wan,” she announced, not caring if he would object. Another thing she was proud of, her stubbornness, although she liked to call it determination. She gave him a little mischievous look over her shoulder, one that however accepted no discussion.</p>
<p>“If you plan to protect me, you’ll just have to come along.”</p>
<p>She turned and started the controls. When Anakin hopped into the chair next to her she looked at him and was pleased to see a grin on his features.</p>
<p>‘Good, there’s hope for you yet.’</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>‘Okay, so you’re about to enter some arena where you’ll be put to death under the gleeful watch of Count Dooku, Nute Gunray and the population of Geonosis…I can do that.’</p>
<p>They were standing on a carriage, waiting to be rolled into the arena. She could hear the crowd anxiously waiting for their arrival. Her disgust for such public displays of barbarism flared and she willed her mind to ignore everything except possible ways of escape.</p>
<p>“Don’t be afraid.”</p>
<p>She turned her head for a moment to look at Anakin. He looked calm and composed, but she knew that was his jedi upbringing. Luckily she was equally trained in matters of hiding emotions.</p>
<p>“I’m not afraid to die.”</p>
<p>But that wasn’t entirely true. Years ago, when she was just installed as queen, she and Sabé had had a long talk about life. Being queen brought a lot of risks with it and she had confessed to her loyal friend that she was more than a little afraid. They made a pact that day, swearing that whatever happened they would not fear death. Nothing good would ever come from such a fear. And she had kept that pact all throughout her days as queen. But years later, holding a dying Cordé in her lap after that horrible explosion, she couldn’t help but feel the threat of death again. It invoked a primal response in her that didn’t sit well with her desire for control. Right now, although she wasn’t showing it, she felt afraid about what was going to happen. She didn’t want to die. There were still things she wanted to do, see and experience. Almost casually the image of Obi-wan popped into her head. And before she knew it a confession passed her lips, one she never wanted to divulge before Anakin.</p>
<p>“I’ve been dying a little bit each day since you came back into my life.”</p>
<p>When the sound of her own words reached her ears she quickly clamped down her mouth to prevent another secret of the heart to escape her. Inwardly she cursed herself. But not for revealing this to Anakin, not really. She cursed herself for revealing this fact at the wrong time and to the wrong person. Someone else needed to hear this from her. Someone with beautiful blue green grey eyes and the most gentle soul she knew. He needed to know how much she had come to need his presence. How much she wanted him. How much she loved him…</p>
<p>“What are you talking about?”</p>
<p>A jolt momentarily rocked them as the gate opened and the carriage was pulled into the arena. Immediately the din of the crowd overwhelmed them and provided her the excuse she needed to not answer him. They squinted their eyes for a second against the bright sunlight and tried to take in the whole scene. She knew Anakin quickly scanned the sides of the arena, counting the number of guards and looking for ways out. A small shiver ran down her spine as she thought about his previous actions down in the factory halls. He could definitely handle himself in combat, she grimly concluded.</p>
<p>The moment her eyes had adjusted to the light she began scanning the arena as well. She could make out the elevated area where most likely the real villains would be watching. Several guards were stationed around the arena. Too many to fight in her opinion. At least not in their current state. She knew the small metal pin she had in her belt could open the handcuffs, but the moment she would do that these Geonosians would be all over her. No, it would be better to wait for the right time and then—</p>
<p>Blue green grey eyes. All she could see were blue green grey eyes. Their carriage was still on the other end of the arena but she could see his eyes like he was standing next to her. Every sound around her vanished, the arena and all its occupants disappeared and all she was left with were blue green grey eyes. Her heart jumped out of her chest and flew to unimaginable heights. He was alive! Without conscious thought she poured every emotion, frustration and worry into her gaze and looked hard at him. Something just told her to do it, even though her rational mind was telling her they couldn’t be communicating with each other across such distances.</p>
<p>But they could. His mouth didn’t move, nor did his eyes change color or intensity, but she heard him loud and clear. Not like the last time though. When he let her see into his mind she could see him and hear the words in her mind. This time it felt different. She wasn’t hearing his words or his voice, but she felt him. All of him. She could feel his surprise, his shock, the light scolding he had for her coming after him.</p>
<p>‘But I couldn’t leave you like this, Obi-wan.’</p>
<p>A surge of gratitude and affection swelled in her heart which she immediately recognized as Obi-wan. She could also feel a hint of guilt.</p>
<p>‘Oh no you don’t! This was my choice to come here, don’t you go blaming yourself for that!’</p>
<p>His apologetic grin soothed her immensely.</p>
<p>‘Are we going to die here?’</p>
<p>Not if he could help it. She almost laughed out loud at his statement, seeing as he was tied to a large pillar with the same handcuffs they had on. She settled for smiling internally, his smile adding to her own. Her fears of dying went out the window. Anakin’s earlier reassurance suddenly seemed hollow. Obi-wan’s words she could trust.</p>
<p>‘So what do we do?’</p>
<p>Wait for the right time. She felt a little more confident when he affirmed her own assessment. She left out a quiet sigh and relaxed her shoulders. They would get through this, she was confident of that now.</p>
<p>‘I’m really glad you’re alive.’</p>
<p>To her it was a clear understatement, but it was all she could think of right now. The relief it brought her was overwhelming and made her feel like she could do anything now. Together. She felt him nod in agreement and they continued to stare at each other. But no real thoughts were flying around in her head. She was just feeling. Feeling his presence, his support, his soul. A tiny part in the back of her mind was yelling ‘I told you so’ and laughing at her sudden sappiness. She simply ignored it.</p>
<p>The carriage had finally reached the stone pillars and she was guided to the one on the right by a guard. She had to break eyecontact with Obi-wan, but it didn’t matter. Her arms lifted when the flying creature attached her cuffs to a long chain and a ring high on the pillar. But it didn’t matter. She heard Obi-wan’s remark to Anakin and almost smiled. He didn’t really mean it like that, bless his little sarcastic streak. Then the guards unleashed the three beasts on them. But it didn’t matter. He was here with her. They could do anything, together.</p>
<p>‘Bring it on.’</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>In a large arc Mace brought his lightsaber round to the front and deflected two laser blasts. Drawing lightly on the Force he jumped up to avoid fire from yet another droid. He landed on the other end and started running in the opposite direction. With an elegance gifted by the Force he swung his lightsaber to the right and behind him, in a move most sharla ball players would have envied. The droid’s upper casing sparked as the deflected bolt hit home. But Mace didn’t need the acknowledgment of the hit and ran on. He sighted Obi-wan to his right and headed towards the knight. In a flurry of sparks and hisses the two stood back to back in the middle of the raging battle. Laser fire was coming from all sides, but the two moved expertly and no bolts ever threatened them.</p>
<p>“Glad to see you alive, Obi-wan!” Mace shouted over the din.</p>
<p>Obi-wan parried another two bolts and cut down a droid. “Not as glad as I am to see all of you!”</p>
<p>Mace grinned and took the head off another droid. Yoda had been right. Their adversaries had multiplied greatly. And it didn’t help there were only a handful of jedi available to combat this separatist threat. He mentally shook his head. Focus on the present, as his old friend Qui-gon would say.</p>
<p>“Obi-wan, take off to the left and help Yunop-Da and Soja, I’ll cover your back.”</p>
<p>Without question Obi-wan swiveled on his left leg and jogged off towards the two struggling jedi Mace had spotted. A quick flash of admiration ran through Mace as he saw the young knight cut a path through several droids to help his fellow jedi. He wondered if Obi-wan was ready for the next step in his life. He stored the thought away to ask Yoda, if they survived this battle.</p>
<p>Mace followed Obi-wan redirecting the laser bolts coming at them. He was pleased to see Obi-wan’s presence had shifted the situation quickly and Yunop-Da and Soja were able to carry on. He quickly found himself back to back with Obi-wan again and fleetingly wondered if this was what it was like for Anakin. He came to the conclusion that Anakin was damn lucky to have someone like Obi-wan looking out for him.</p>
<p>Heavy vibrations made them look to one side and they saw the earlier released reek charging right at them. Mace sensed no other way but straight ahead and he started running. In a millisecond he could feel a laser bolt racing towards his back and realized he couldn’t react quickly enough to deflect it. Then a hiss informed him Obi-wan had swung his lightsaber high and stopped the bolt from hitting him. He almost thought Obi-wan had stayed in the path of the reek too long but the knight jumped out of the way at the last moment. When the beast came up close enough to him Mace rolled and swiped upwards. He sliced off part of the beast’s horn but was propelled backwards by the force of the creatures charge. Quickly rolling to the side he retrieved his lightsaber just as Jango Fett jumped at it. He had no idea where the bountyhunter had come from but it didn’t matter. The angry reek charged again and handled Fett like an old rag doll.</p>
<p>‘Good, saves me the trouble then.’</p>
<p>But when he saw the reek getting killed by the bountyhunter he quickly ran again, determined to take the vicious man out of the picture. He deflected one, two, three, four, five laser bolts, before turning into a tight turn, deflecting the sixth shot and slicing the weapon in half in one move and finally beheading the bountyhunter with one large sweep.</p>
<p>Mace looked down at the lifeless body and hoped the Force would absorb whatever evil the man had done and bring it back to balance. Then more droids asked for his attention he was off again. Swinging, cutting, deflecting, surviving.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>“Then, I am sorry, old friend.”</p>
<p>Dooku’s words made her skin crawl. This was it. They had fought bravely but it had been in vain. So many jedi already lay dead in the sand of this arena, and so many more droids. But the difference was they had more droids coming in every minute. The jedi here were all there was.</p>
<p>A lump in her throat formed as she saw and heard numerous droids clicking and whirring, aiming their blasters at them once more. She realized that the moment she had been dreading since the day Cordé had died had finally come, death was here to claim her. A swell of fear for herself and sympathy for those around her threatened to overwhelm her. She felt Anakin besides her taking on an aggressive stance, determined to sell his life dearly. She turned her head to her left and saw Mace Windu standing straight. His very being exuded power and defiance. He was still looking up at Dooku.</p>
<p>She was about to close her eyes and pray for the onslaught to be over soon when Obi-wan’s eyes caught her attention. Instead of holding up his lightsaber and going down fighting he was almost calmly standing there, his lightsaber at his side, looking at her. His brow and a few locks of his hair with slick with sweat from the fight. He was still breathing a little heavy. She couldn’t help but think how beautiful he was to her. And right that moment with a rush of excitement and love she felt his presence coursing through her again, just like it had done when they had entered the arena. Strangely enough she felt no words from him, no distinct feelings. He was simply there. She pursed her lips together and tried to hold the tears at bay.</p>
<p>‘I don’t want to die.’</p>
<p>He kept looking at her, no questions and no words.</p>
<p>‘I don’t want you to die either…’</p>
<p>His eyes changed from a deep sea green to a soft grey blue, the color she found the most calming. She took a deep breath when she heard another round of clicks from the droids. Her body tensed up and instinctively the time was now or never. Her logical mind was telling her this was too little too late, but her heart was the voice she was listening to right now. And it was demanding action, just to set the things in her universe right for a change. With great effort she kept looking at him and allowed her heart to speak.</p>
<p>‘I—’</p>
<p>But he knew. She didn’t have to finish her thought because he knew. And she could see he did as well. No doubt about it. He knew, and he did. She did, and now knew as well. The ghost of a smile graced her lips with this realization and she had to blink away tears of happiness. Obi-wan nodded and she felt a new wave of strength, confidence and defiance flow through her. She nodded too and they both turned towards the droid army. He raised his lightsaber in defense and she held her blaster up, ready to start blasting if she wasn’t shot down in the first wave. Suddenly a low grumble from the sky interrupted the moment and on impulse she looked up. The sight of several impressive looking war ships greeted her, bearing down on their position. For a split second she thought it was more droids but the situation had suddenly changed drastically and she recognized it.</p>
<p>“Look!”</p>
<p>All eyes of the jedi around her lifted upwards and witnessed how the droid army unexpectedly had to deal with a whole new force. Immediately the firefight continued, but luckily for them most of the droids were shooting at the ships. Quickly lowering her blaster she started shooting again, making each shot count. With renewed vigor she wanted to fight, to win. She had something to come home to.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>“Anakin and I can handle this.”</p>
<p>‘At least I hope we can.’</p>
<p>At full speeds they were pursuing Dooku. He knew that there was no time to inform another part of their force and send them after Dooku. By then he would be gone. This was the only way this could end right now before it had really begun. They needed to capture Dooku, dead or alive. And a part of him wished it could be alive. The information the old jedi held was too valuable to go to waste, they needed answers.</p>
<p>The two droid ships behind Dooku’s speeder suddenly broke off and disappeared from sight. A second later they were under fire and the ship started swaying as the pilot tried to avoid getting hit. He silently thanked himself on telling Padme to hold on. But he didn’t feel so well when he saw a large sand dune come up before them. He intensified his hold on the side of the ship when the bottom of the ship grazed the top of the dune. Another blast rocked the ship even more and he had to swiftly change his footing in order to stay upright. When the sound of Padme’s cry reached his ears he quickly turned and saw her falling out of the ship. His heart stopped beating for a moment before his astute sense told him she would only fall a few feet before landing on the dune, nothing life threatening. She could very well survive that fall. Also his heart told him she wasn’t dead or in any other danger. He couldn’t really explain it, but he knew. Like that instant in the arena, he knew. It was something he just did.</p>
<p>“Padme!”</p>
<p>Anakin leaned to the other side to see where she had landed. Then he turned back to Obi-wan.</p>
<p>“Put the ship down!”</p>
<p>Sensing this was going to be immensely important Obi-wan jumped to the other side of the ship to face Anakin. Truth be told his apprentice’s behavior had troubled him for a while now, ever since they were assigned to guard Padme back on Coruscant, and this was just another indication the boy’s emotions were running the show instead of his mind. It was time to remind him what it is to be a jedi. A twinge of guilt shot through his mind as he remembered the unspoken admission Padme and he had just shared, declaring their affection for each other. For a second his heart had screamed at him to save Padme from that fall, but he knew he had a different job to do now. In a clear flash he realized that was exactly what set them apart. They both loved her, but Anakin was willing to push everything aside for her while he knew that life and love was so much more than simply bliss. It entailed the negative feelings, the consequences and the responsibilities as well. He knew Padme would say and do the exact same thing and it gave him the mental assurance he could speak to his padawan like he was about to.</p>
<p>“Anakin! Don’t let your personal feelings get in the way!”</p>
<p>He turned around to the front. “Follow that speeder!” he instructed the driver again.</p>
<p>But Anakin apparently still disagreed with him. “Order the ship—”</p>
<p>Obi-wan cut him off before he could finish that sentence. “I can’t take Dooku alone, I need you! If we catch him we could end this war right now.” Why could he not see this, why would Anakin not see past his own emotions and desires and recognize the greater good. Had he not taught him to do that very thing! “We have a job to do!” he forcefully added, hoping it would knock the sense in him, seemingly where years of training, mentoring and caring had failed.</p>
<p>“But I don’t care! Put the ship down!” Anakin replied.</p>
<p>Obi-wan was taken aback with his answer, although he knew Anakin was not thinking straight. A small part of him still held the hope that Anakin would finally show his full potential in the Force and fulfill the prophecy. And not just his physical prowess, but also some of the wisdom he had tried years to make him see. A note of exasperation colored his voice.</p>
<p>“You will be expelled from the jedi Order!”</p>
<p>“I can’t leave her!” Anakin shouted back.</p>
<p>‘Then you don’t love her, you’re obsessed by her! Blast Anakin, can’t you see! As much as I love her I can’t allow this ship to land, we have to catch Dooku! You are not the only one who has to choose between love and duty, but why are you the only one who complains he doesn’t have the choice! I love Padme, maybe even more than you do, but not in a way I’m willing to sacrifice the fate of the universe just to be with her!’</p>
<p>“Come to your senses! What do you think Padme would do were she in your position?”</p>
<p>When Anakin stared at him without responding Obi-wan had a glimmer of hope his padawan was finally coming round. The moment he looked away he knew the realization had struck his apprentice and he would do his duty as a jedi.</p>
<p>“She would do her duty.”</p>
<p>That proved his feelings and he was relieved Anakin had overcome his emotions. Not that it excused him from his outburst, but right now he couldn’t deal with that. If they were to bring in Dooku they needed all their concentration and wits about them. For the elder jedi was a magnificent swordsman. Obi-wan turned away from Anakin and saw Dooku heading for a formation of cliffs. Tightening his hold on his lightsaber he tried to calm himself and let the Force flow through him in preparation to the inevitable fight. But a small nagging feeling in the back of his mind kept distracting him. It gave him the feeling this was about the get infinitely worse.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>The intense din of the battle didn’t prevent Yoda from hearing, or rather feeling, the ripples in the Force. Two bright peaks in the Force gave off two similar signals, which coursed back to him. He was surprised to recognize the two as Obi-wan and his apprentice. But the feeling in the Force surprised him. A light frown appeared in his forehead as he identified the particular signals. In all his years of service to the jedi Order he had come across such feelings rarely, but the two were strongly presenting them. And this caused him great concern and sadness. One because of its intensity, the other because of its inevitable consequence.</p>
<p>But the Force told him these things could wait. Dooku was the bigger issue now. And if he was not mistaken, they were going to need his help.</p>
<p>“The droid army is in full retreat,” the clone army commander reported.</p>
<p>Yoda nodded. “Well done, commander. Bring me a ship.”</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In the end, do you choose for unstable passion, or for peace of heart?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Together</p>
<p>The first thing that slowly returned to her was her sense of smell. Funny thing to start with after being knocked unconscious, but that’s just how her body decided to start up again. The smell of slowly baking sand, dry air and a hint of the slightly sweet smell that accompanies lighting invaded her nostrils and raised her awareness. Soon after her vision and hearing came back, especially the first one with a vengeance. She groaned softly at the intense brightness assaulting her eyes and she would have chosen to turn around onto her stomach and continue being unconscious had it not been for the sudden flares of pain down her back. In a split second reality returned to her and she remembered how she got here, lying on her back on the flank of a large dune.</p>
<p>Suddenly a clone trooper appeared at her side. “Are you alright?”</p>
<p>Personally she thought it was a dumb question. Logical, but dumb. “Yes”</p>
<p>Ignoring the protests her body was sending her she set her limbs in gear and stood up. Well, struggled up, but that’s not the point.</p>
<p>“We’d better get back to the forward command centre—”</p>
<p>“No, no,” she interrupted him.</p>
<p>She quickly dusted herself off a bit to appear stronger and more in control. She didn’t feel a hundred percent yet but she knew Anakin and Obi-wan were on their way to apprehend Dooku and needed her help. Okay, her heart had quickly added that she needed to help Obi-wan, but that wasn’t the point. She needed troopers and a transport, pronto.</p>
<p>“Gather what troops you can, we’ve got to get to that hangar. Get a transport.”</p>
<p>When the clone didn’t move she added a little incentive. “Hurry!”</p>
<p>“Right away!”</p>
<p>Without further hesitation the trooper turned and quickly and efficiently communicated with the command centre using his name and authorization as well as hers. This surprised her momentarily, but it quickly turned into approval and slight admiration as a transport showed up in record time. She boarded the ship and happily noted several troopers were obediently awaiting their orders. ‘Hang on, Obi-wan, hang on!’ In a collected manner she couldn’t really feel she ordered the pilot to follow the last known course of Obi-wan’s transport. With a short acknowledgement he lifted them off the hot sand and flew eastwards. Padme’s mind was too busy running possible scenarios of what they could expect that the trip only seemed to take a few seconds. But all the scenarios turned dark when they reached the cliffs where the jedi’s transport had last been reported.</p>
<p>“Scorch marks on the side of the cliff indicate and explosion, ma’am,” the commander remarked.</p>
<p>Her heart skipped a beat for the umpteenth time with the promise of Obi-wan’s life being threatened but she quickly cast it aside. I would know if he had died, she resolutely thought.</p>
<p>“Set the ship down on that platform!” she ordered rather forcefully.</p>
<p>Again without question the clone turned and performed a flawless landing. Even before he had set down completely she was the first one off the ship and with a graceful jump she set foot on the platform. In a quick scan of the area she couldn’t see any traces of Obi-wan, Anakin or even Dooku for that matter. She was about to go ahead when with the hum of accelerating engines a ship exited one of the round holes in the cliff next to the landing pad. The exterior didn’t look like any republican ship she knew of and she quickly reasoned its current use wasn’t trying to rejoin their forces. She fired a few shots at it but it was too fast. Even the heavy blasters of the troopers couldn’t damage it anymore. For a moment she watched it fly away until it rose up and left the atmosphere. She felt like swearing and cursing in frustration, although she didn’t know why.</p>
<p>‘Inside’</p>
<p>The instant the thought flitted through her mind she was off. She marched inside the hangar. It took a moment before her eyes adjusted to the half dark. The first thing she noticed was a pile of rocks on the floor. For a split second she thought the roof was unstable but she couldn’t see any other debris. When a few sparks jumped into the air her attention shifted and she noticed a large stump with a broken powercoil lying next to it. She briefly wondered what could have severed the thing, but only very briefly as again her attention shifted when she saw two figures lying on the ground in front of the powercoil with a third one looming over the one on the right. Without thinking she raised her blaster and called out in a clear voice.</p>
<p>“Drop your weapons and step aside!”</p>
<p>The small figure turned its head to her and with great surprise she recognized the face of jedi master Yoda. Quickly she waved her left arm to the troopers behind her to indicate they could lower their weapons.</p>
<p>“Master Yoda? What happened? Did—”</p>
<p>The end of her sentence ended in a strangled gasp as she could now make out the features of the two prone figures. Even at a first glance Anakin and Obi-wan looked hurt. Out of instinct she rushed forward to place herself as close by as she could, but a gnarled hand stopped her in her tracks. Yoda fully turned to her and kept her pinned to the spot with his extended hand. A blind panic had robbed her of speech and she could only blink at the powerful jedi.</p>
<p>“Senator Amidala.”</p>
<p>She managed to nod.</p>
<p>“Good it is you are here, needs you he does.”</p>
<p>Again all she could do was blink at the old jedi, his words not really registering.</p>
<p>“Need you I do to call the medical transport. Higher than mine, your clearance is.”</p>
<p>This snapped her out of the daze she was in and immediately she turned and approached the captain that had accompanied her.</p>
<p>“Captain, please inform mobile command we need a medical transport. Also inform jedi master Windu that Count Dooku managed to get away, he will take the appropriate actions.”</p>
<p>The clone quickly nodded and went back to the ship to convey her message. When she turned back to Yoda he was looking at her with a curious expression.</p>
<p>“How did you know, Dooku has escaped, hmm?”</p>
<p>She lightly shrugged. “I didn’t. But I saw a ship escape this hangar when I arrived and knew it wasn’t one of ours. So Dooku would be the only logical answer.”</p>
<p>Yoda nodded. “Right, you are. Dooku defeated Obi-wan and Anakin. Almost too late I was. Fought Dooku, I did, but prevent him from escaping, I could not.”</p>
<p>Maybe she was imagining things but she could hear a trace of guilt in his voice. She filed it away for later analysis. He looked up at her and she tried to stand firm under his scrutiny. But she couldn’t help but think the old jedi master had held her up long enough. She needed to see if Obi-wan was alright.</p>
<p>“Go. Needs you, he does.”</p>
<p>Yoda’s whisper made instant relief flood through her and without hesitation she stepped forward and sunk to her knees next to Obi-wan. Yoda had already levitated Anakin to the side and was inspecting the young jedi’s arm. She completely missed the fact Anakin’s hand was missing as her attention was entirely focused on Obi-wan. The first obvious injuries were the burns on his upper arm and thigh. Although they weren’t life threatening she knew he had to feel a lot of pain. On a quick inspection of his body she couldn’t see any other wounds, which relieved her immensely. She turned her eyes on his face. A strain was clearly visible in his features confirming her earlier assessment. His eyes were closed and his breathing slow. She almost assumed he was asleep or unconscious but the sound of his voice proved he was still very much present.</p>
<p>“And, doctor, will I live?”</p>
<p>She cracked a weak smile at his joke. Instead of responding with a witty remark of her own she brought her right hand to the left side of his face. She stroked his cheek a few times before burying her fingers in the hair of his beard. The slightly coarse texture made her skin prickle a bit. To her it was the reassurance she needed that he was still alive. Their warmth travelled up her arm and soothed a great deal of her worries. Suddenly Obi-wan tried to sit up, pushing her hand away.</p>
<p>“Anakin, is he—”</p>
<p>A groan of pain cut off his question as his injured arm refused to hold up his weight. With a small thud he fell back on the ground. Quickly she placed her left hand on his chest and returned her right hand to his cheek.</p>
<p>“He’s alright, don’t worry. Master Yoda is with him now and the medical transport will arrive soon. Now stay down.”</p>
<p>He made a strange face when he heard Yoda’s name, but it was replaced with a small grin at her last words.</p>
<p>“Yes, nurse.”</p>
<p>She almost playfully smacked his arm but fortunately remembered he was injured. She settled for a verbal response instead.</p>
<p>“Better be careful or I’ll confine you to bed rest for the next two months.”</p>
<p>It was meant as a threat but he pulled its legs and toppled it flat on its back.</p>
<p>“Perfect idea. Two months in bed, you as my personal nurse, what more could I want?”</p>
<p>Her eyes grew wide for a split second before she thought up an answer that could top his.</p>
<p>“I don’t know, perhaps…,” she lowered her voice to a seductive whisper, “a spongebath?”</p>
<p>Now it was her turn to grin as his eyes grew wide as saucers. In fact he had a positively shocked expression in his face that quite endeared her.</p>
<p>“Padme!” he whispered.</p>
<p>“What?” she shrugged, still grinning like nexu that caught the peko-peko. It only took a second before he started grinning too. She wiped a few locks of hair from his forehead. “Now lie down and rest.”</p>
<p>With his grin fixed to his face he laid down his head and closed his eyes again. He brought up his uninjured arm and placed his hand on top of hers, which was still resting on his chest. She felt him take a few deep breaths and a calm settled on both of them. Behind her she could hear the transport approach. The noise reverberated through the hangar but she didn’t miss his words.</p>
<p>“I’m glad you’re alright.”</p>
<p>Her insides squirmed in a delightful way. She dug her fingers into his beard again and willed all her positive feelings to spill into him through their physical contact and make him feel better.</p>
<p>“Me too,” she whispered.</p>
<p>His grin changed into a soft smile that melted her heart. Seemingly out of nowhere three troopers appeared on their side, ready to get Obi-wan on a stretcher. She helped him roll over and soon he was placed on a stretcher and into the transport ship. Anakin was already present with Yoda at his side. She settled herself next to Obi-wan and carefully put her hand in his in such a way so no one could see it. When he lightly squeezed her hand her heart soared and she felt better than she had in many hours. For a second she closed her eyes and let Obi-wan’s comfort exorcise all the stress from her visit to Tatooine and the battle in the arena here on Geonosis. And in that second she missed a knowing smile on Yoda’s face. Then the transport lifted off and she focused on practical matters again.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>‘I’m never running off to rescue someone from certain death again. I don’t care how much—’</p>
<p>“Sss!”</p>
<p>She didn’t manage to suppress a hiss when the medical droid pressed a fresh swab of disinfectant to the injured skin of her lower back. Instead of taking it away for a moment the droid kept going and Padme needed to intensify her grip on the bed to keep from getting vocal. Dam senatorial pride, she thought. Damn inconsiderate, of bedside manners devoid medical droid. And damn jedi master Obi-wan Kenobi for getting me into this. It’s all his fault really, she reasoned. He waltzed back into my life after a decade and pulls me into this whirlwind adventure. And to top it all off he gets himself captured and expects me to come and get him out. Some nerve, she concluded. And I bet he isn’t even aware of it, the trouble he’s caused me. The sleepless nights, the worrying, the stress.</p>
<p>The droid finished cleaning the wound and applied a large bacta patch. It told her she needed to keep it on for at least eight hours and keep it dry. As quickly as she could she jumped off the bed and practically sprinted to the door. Outside in the corridor a calm ambiance made a big difference to the loud barrage of the battle they had just come from. Fortunately that was over. A part of the separatists was destroyed, but she had no doubt this wasn’t the majority of their army. Dooku couldn’t be that stupid.</p>
<p>But that would come in the future. Right now she had two things to do; review all that happened in the Senate in the time she was gone, and actively pursue a peaceful solution to this war. She took one step towards the command centre of the ship when her mind found a third option. One that was far more satisfying and pleasurable than the first two. Slowly turning on her heels she headed in the opposite direction, towards the crew cabins. A wicked grin formed on her lips as she thought up different ways of handling the situation. Or better said, the subject.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>With a few deep breaths Obi-wan emerged from his deep meditation. After the medical droids had treated his wounds he was told to rest and keep from heavy exercise for at least two weeks. Dooku’s lightsaber had singed a nerve on the side of his leg and it needed time to heal properly. It, medically at least, explained why his leg had given way during his fight with Dooku and why he hadn’t been able to stand up and continue. Immediately after the droids had patched him up and left the room he had resituated himself, ignoring all the spikes of pain from his leg and arm, and settled into a healing meditation. Truth be told he needed the meditation to calm and clear his mind as well. The fight with Dooku had left him…uneasy.</p>
<p>But now he felt a little better. The aches in his limbs had diminished and he felt calmer and more collected. Well, no time to sit around and do nothing, he thought. He gently stood up and stretched his muscles a little. A few sounds of protest but no real pain. So far so good, he happily concluded. He turned his head and looked for his clothes. He had to disrobe for the treatment of his wounds and currently he was only wearing boxer shorts. The temperature in the room was comfortable enough though and he decided to forego dressing. It felt good to be half naked, he mused with a small smile. More…free.</p>
<p>With a wave of his hand his lightsaber lifted off his robes and sailed into his awaiting palm. For a moment he looked at its sleek metallic edges, infinitely familiar with its height, weight and balance. Memories of him sitting behind his desk at the temple with his lightsaber only partially constructed floated back to him. He smiled a sad smile as he remembered Qui-gon giving him the blue crystal for his birthday so many years ago. He had been right though, blue was the color for him. Its bright and cool hue always managed to calm his nerves. With a sigh of relief he activated the blade. The small tingle of the powercell nudged his skin a split second before with its distinctive sound the narrow beam of energy rose.</p>
<p>But instead of bringing him the relief he sought the hum made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. A strange shiver shot through him and made his insides contract. With a quick flick of his thumb he deactivated the blade and with a shaky hand tossed it on the bed next to him. He grabbed his right hand with his left in an attempt to stop the shaking. With a frown he gazed at his lightsaber, lying inactively and innocently on the bed sheet. ‘What in blazes was that?’ Taking a deep breath he regained the control of his hands again. Slightly bending down he extended his right arm, determined to get the comfort his weapon had always brought him.</p>
<p>But when his hand neared the small cylinder it started shaking again and a cold shiver ran through him once more. Quickly retracting his arm he ran his left hand through his hair. ‘Blast! What is wrong with me?’ The calm he had attained during his meditation was slowly disappearing. With a huff of frustration he tried to find another way to relax. He remembered master Yoda once saying that bringing the body and the Force in line with each other was the best way to filter out all problems of the mind. Weighing his options he chose for the balance exercise Yoda had taught him and Qui-gon.</p>
<p>He crouched down, grimacing at the pain in his leg. Bending down he placed the palms of his hands on the cold floor. Closing his eyes he opened himself up to the Force. With a rush of relief and joy he felt it flow into him, soothing his mind and body. Channelling the energy into his right arm and his sense of balance he quickly transferred all his weight to his right arm and pushed his legs upwards. In a mere second he was balanced on his right hand, his body standing straight up into the air with his feet pointing to the ceiling. With calm and deep breaths he allowed the Force to flow through him and take away whatever had bothered him a minute ago. But a small knot in his insides refused to budge. Cautiously he tried to identify it but he didn’t get far. A shrill voice completely shattered his concentration and without the aid of the Force his arm couldn’t hold up his weight anymore. In an unceremonious heap he fell to the ground, pain immediately flaring through his body.</p>
<p>“What in blazes do you think you’re doing!”</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>Padme rounded the corner and spotted the room that had been assigned to Obi-wan. Her wicked grin still firmly attached she approached the door. When the medical droid had finished cleaning her wounds she really wanted to make Obi-wan see how much trouble and stress he had caused her. Of course, during her walk to here, her rational side kicked in and pointed out that it really wasn’t Obi-wan’s fault. Reluctantly she had agreed. However the idea of visiting Obi-wan and getting him to express his undying gratitude over her coming to his rescue was still valid, and even her rational side thought that was a good idea.</p>
<p>She went to press the chime next to the door but stopped her finger about an inch from the button. Her wicked grin grew a little larger. ‘They say a jedi cannot be surprised…’ She shifted her finger and instead pushed the pad to open the door, hoping it wasn’t locked. ‘Well if he can’t be surprised then he won’t mind me coming in without knocking, now will he? Besides, everybody likes surprises…’ Her rational mind tried to tell her the flaw in that particular reasoning but she quickly shoved it aside.</p>
<p>The door opened and she stepped inside. Well, she put one foot over the threshold when her eyes settled on Obi-wan’s near naked form. Two very different thoughts instantly formed in her mind. One was how absolutely striking, athletic and sexy as hell he looked, even upside down. And his current spatial orientation was what prompted the second thought, which was why he was out of bed and exercising when he still was clearly injured. Without conscious thought or choice the second thought connected to her vocal chords and in a high, shrill voice she didn’t really recognize as her own she practically screamed at him.</p>
<p>“What in blazes do you think you’re doing!”</p>
<p>The moment the words escaped her mouth she regretted it, as he fell to the ground with an ominous thud. His cry of pain cut right through her and in a flash she was at his side.</p>
<p>“Oh Gods, Obi-wan, are you alright! Stay still, lie still! Let me see!”</p>
<p>In a flash of annoyance she noted she asked him the same stupid question the clone trooper had when she had regained consciousness on that dune on Geonosis. But this wasn’t the time to pay attention to that, Obi-wan needed her help.</p>
<p>“I’m fine,” he grumbled through clenched teeth, unable to suppress a few groans of pain.</p>
<p>“No, you’re not,” she stated.</p>
<p>He mumbled something that she didn’t catch, but the look on his face wasn’t very positive. Ignoring his demeanour for now she wrapped her fingers around his right bicep and softly pulled. “Come on, let’s get you back in bed.”</p>
<p>With a lot of effort on both sides they managed to stand up and shuffle over to the bed. Gingerly Obi-wan sat down on the bed, next to his lightsaber.</p>
<p>“Now lie down,” she ordered.</p>
<p>Slowly he let his torso fall back onto the bed. Padme saw his lightsaber lying next to his thigh and gently picked it up. She then coached him to bring up his legs and lie down fully. After more grunts of pain she managed to get him on his back and lying comfortably. Well, relatively comfortably. Feeling the aches in her back herself Padme scanned the room for a chair. Locating the one with his clothes on it she dragged it right next to his bed, just next to Obi-wan’s head. With her right hand she picked up his robes and placed them on the floor. But when she lifted his outer robe from the back of the chair she hesitated and stole a glance at his face. His eyes were closed, in pain she sadly reasoned. What the hell was he thinking, standing on one hand like that? Come to think of it, how the hell did he do that? She pushed the question aside for now.</p>
<p>Her attention turned back to the piece of clothing in her hand. The slightly rough texture of the resilient material brought back a strong memory in her. For a second she could feel the cloak, along with Obi-wan’s arms, around her, offering her safety and support during a difficult moment. Any thoughts of scolding Obi-wan for his stunt disappeared as she remembered how much Obi-wan had done for her. Then and now. He had been there for her during the bad times and never asked anything in return. She stole another glance at him before she decided she was allowed some liberty. Carefully she put on the cloak and sat down on the chair. She wouldn’t lean against the back of the chair because of her injury so she settled for bringing up her knees and leaning her chin on top of them. The cloak provided her with a sense of security, one she connected to Obi-wan’s presence and smell. Strange how a smell could mean so much. For a moment she pressed her nose into the material and slowly breathed in. ‘Mmm, definitely Obi-wan.’ Not a smell she could define, but certainly one she was infinitely familiar with, even though the times she had been close enough to smell it she could count on one hand. Okay, so maybe two hands, but still not nearly enough for her likings.</p>
<p>A small weight in her left hand brought her out of her little reverie and she slightly turned her head to examine it. It being Obi-wan’s lightsaber. The association she had with this jedi weapon was mixed. On the one hand she felt extremely glad that this weapon had defended her and her people, achieving victory when things seemed so lost. It had proven its use today again, in that arena. But the other feeling she always experienced when seeing a lightsaber was one of fear. She would never tell Obi-wan about this, but right after the battle for Naboo and their victory she experienced nightmares. Terrible nightmares. Theed in flames, her handmaidens strung up like puppets on stakes, thousand of gungans massacred in a merciless act of genocide, Qui-gon Jinn lying lifeless on the cold floor of the catwalk, run through by a lightsaber. A red burning lightsaber, wielded by a monster…</p>
<p>She shivered. Although the nightmares had diminishes greatly sometimes one would come and terrorize her at night. Like the other night. They were on her ship heading for Geonosis when she had nodded off. It had been a faint nightmare, but the hateful eyes of the Sith and Obi-wan’s death scream had been crystal clear. Yes, Obi-wan’s. Right after the battle for Naboo her dreams had only shown her Qui-gon slain by the Sith, never Obi-wan. But in retrospect she understood it was because of the Force suggestion Obi-wan did. Come to think of it, the face of the old jedi master had never been clear in her dreams. She only assumed it was Qui-gon because he was the one she remembered the most. But ever since she met Obi-wan again she was growing increasingly sure it was never Qui-gon she had been dreaming about. And now it was clear. It was Obi-wan in her dreams, his cold lifeless grey eyes staring at her. Anakin had woken her, saying she was softly mumbling and tossing in her sleep. Well Obi-wan had been in danger, how could she have relaxed?</p>
<p>Tearing her eyes off the weapon she looked back at Obi-wan. He still had his eyes closed and his breathing had become even again. Not slow enough to indicate he was sleeping, but quiet enough to know the pain had subsided a little. Her heart went out to him. He truly must be in pain if he was showing it, she reasoned. Dooku must really have done a number on them. She frowned for a second. Come to think of it, she didn’t know what happened there in that hangar. No one had told her anything, leaving her in the dark about it. And if there was one place she never liked being, it was in the dark. She needed to know. If she knew what happened she could take better care of him. Yes, that was a good reason. Her curiosity had nothing to do with, she half-heartedly convinced herself. But other than her curiosity and her caring side there was another thing that kept bothering her about the fight they had with Dooku. She knew Obi-wan and Anakin were a formidable team, capable of doing incredible feats. How did Dooku then escape, and where did Yoda fit into all of this?</p>
<p>She knew Obi-wan would be hard pressed for information, especially about that fight. But she also reasoned Anakin would be even more tight-lipped, being the one to suffer the most. His injuries were more extensive than Obi-wan’s, but she knew that wouldn’t be the biggest problem. He was a young man, his body would heal itself very quickly. It was his pride that was equally wounded. And knowing Anakin was not nearly as in control of his emotions as Obi-wan it was going to be difficult for him to recover from this. She made a mental note to speak to Obi-wan about Anakin’s recovery, but set it aside. Right now she wanted to help the man in front of her with his recovery. She bent over a little and laid her right hand in his left, slipping her fingers inside his palm. He opened his eyes and turned his head slightly, a question mark in his eyes. In a soft and soothing voice, as not to scare him off, she voiced the question that was burning in her mind.</p>
<p>“Obi-wan, … tell me what happened…”</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In the end, do you choose for unstable passion, or for peace of heart?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Release</p>
<p>“Obi-wan, … tell me what happened…”</p>
<p>For a long moment he looked at her, his face set in the same questioning look he had before she asked him her question. For a second she took his silence as incomprehension, that he didn’t know what she was talking about. But the swirling green amidst the blue in his eyes convinced her he most definitely knew what she was talking about. So she kept quiet, letting him mull things over before answering her. If he was going to answer her.</p>
<p>“What do you mean?”</p>
<p>She almost sighed and rolled her eyes at the same time at his reply, knowing that his tactic might have worked if only he hadn’t paused for so long. She caught herself just in time and kept looking at him with a straight face. He was trying to stall, this much could be expected. But if she wanted answers she needed to push him. And so she would.</p>
<p>“Tell me what happened in that hangar…,” she softly said.</p>
<p>Again she was presented with the slightly impassive face, but this time it didn’t fool her at all. For his eyes were a seething mass of emotions, so jumbled that she couldn’t begin to unravel them. They were clearly indicating that he was greatly troubled by their fight with Dooku but was bottling it all up inside. When his pause stretched on again she was tempted to say something, ask him more specifically about it, but again refrained herself. Trust was an important thing between them. She trusted him explicitly and knew he trusted her as well. And at this moment, she needed to trust him to come forward and tell her. She could have done that without asking but her heart told her to intervene. It may be trust that prompted her to let him answer in his own time but it was love that made her ask in the first place. She loved him, and couldn’t let him carry this additional burden on his already taxed shoulders.</p>
<p>She saw his mouth open for a split second, before closing again and pursing his lips in slight frustration. It was clear he was having a hard time deciding whether he should tell her, as she had imagined. She remained quiet, letting him do it in his own time and manner. But the moment his eyes minutely turned away from hers she felt a surge of importance running through her, immediately prompting her to take action, regardless of her previous statement. Softly squeezing his hand she called out to him, a last plead for him to open up to her.</p>
<p>“Obi-wan…”</p>
<p>His eyes instantly locked onto hers again and this time she could practically see his defences fall. When he started speaking his voice was soft and a bit strained, like too much emotions and memories trying to come out at the same time.</p>
<p>“We…we went on after you…you…—”</p>
<p>“Fell…,” she gently added, providing him with the word he didn’t want to say.</p>
<p>Obi-wan nodded and continued. “We flew on and got to the hangar. Anakin and I got out, but Dooku’s droids shot down the aircraft. The clones did not survive…”</p>
<p>He blinked twice before he went on. “Dooku was in the hangar, just about to leave the planet. We entered the hangar, our lightsabers drawn. It was…almost like I was back…in Theed palace…looking that black and red demon in the eyes. He was the same. Dooku didn’t draw his saber, he just looked at us, as if amused.”</p>
<p>This time his eyes glazed over a little, indicating he was looking into his memory. This time she didn’t need to interrupt, everything was assuring her he was going to continue. Her mind was registering his every word, filing it away and making sense of it, trying to build an accurate picture of the event. And her heart was watching Obi-wan closely, almost scanning his heart and emotions, to see how this affected him.</p>
<p>“Anakin, he advanced slowly on Dooku, telling him how he would pay for all the jedi’s lives he had destroyed. If should have seen it then, I should have…”</p>
<p>Obi-wan sighed and his voice took on a strange sound, his words somewhat hushed.</p>
<p>“He charged straight at him. I cried out for him, but he kept on going. And Dooku…he just…threw him aside, like a rag doll. The Force lightning burning his clothes, even his flesh…”</p>
<p>Something inside Padme stirred. Strangely enough it wasn’t the sympathy for Anakin she knew she had for him after hearing such a thing. No, it was a scent. A slightly sweet scent that had awoken her, lying on her back on that sand dune. The scent she knew would accompany lightning on a hot day. She was pulled from that surprising thought by Obi-wan’s voice.</p>
<p>“He tried to bring me down in the same way, but I was prepared. Master Yoda had taught Qui-gon and me how to resist Force lightning. Never learned to how to absorb it with my bare hands though…”</p>
<p>His voice trailed off a little at then end, raising all sorts of curious questions in her mind. Bare hands? Absorb lightning? What in blazes is he talking about?</p>
<p>“Then we started duelling. He was fast, accurate, good…” His mouth and eyes set in a grin line with his next words. “He taunted me, said I disappointed him and asked if I could do no better. Hmm, made him stagger on his feet a little for that one…”</p>
<p>A rush of pride went through her, her mind conjuring up images of Obi-wan knocking down Dooku a few pegs. Oh yes, that would do nicely.</p>
<p>“But the Darkside was clouding everything. It was trying to blur my senses, obscure my sight. I relied on the Force as much as I could, but…I failed. In a saber lock with him I was too focused on getting the upper hand that I failed to see his ploy. Dooku got passed me and cut my arm, he was too fast… The pain confused me for a split second, and he attacked my leg instantly. Fortunately I hadn’t lowered my blade completely and he only managed to cut the flesh instead of taking off my entire leg.”</p>
<p>Unless her eyes betrayed her she was certain they both felt quite relieved that wasn’t the case.</p>
<p>“Dooku would have killed me if Anakin hadn’t saved me.”</p>
<p>This time his voice sounded stronger and with a sense of pride. “He held off Dooku and fought him. Even with two blades at once!”</p>
<p>Quickly her mind constructed the possibilities and she came up with the one that she thought had to be the correct one. “You handed it to him?”</p>
<p>His lips moved a fraction of an inch and came close to a smile. “Threw it actually.”</p>
<p>She softly smiled in return, but the moment passed and her memory brought forth the image of them both lying on the floor of the hangar. Wounded, and defeated. Her smile faded and she gently squeezed his hand again.</p>
<p>“What happened then?”</p>
<p>His eyes immediately clouded over again and his smile vanished. “Dooku was too good. Anakin did all he could, but couldn’t hold out. Dooku…cut off his lower arm and threw him across the room, right next to me.” He paused for a second. “I think he was unconscious the moment he hit the floor. His eyes were closed and his skin so white…”</p>
<p>This time she squeezed his hand in sympathy for his apprentice. Though at the time she had not noticed it, on the ride to the medical ship she had definitely seen Anakin’s injuries. And her skin still crawled at the mere thought of it.</p>
<p>“If it wasn’t for master Yoda we would not have survived.”</p>
<p>Her interest piqued again at the mention of the old jedi’s name. If there was one thing she was dying to know, it was Yoda’s involvement. She knew he was regarded as the leader of the jedi and one of the most powerful of this time. But the thing that had been nagging at the back of her mind was the fact that Dooku had escaped. Escaped while Yoda had been there. So why was it that the most powerful jedi could not prevent Dooku from escaping? What happened after Anakin went down? Another question slipped past her lips.</p>
<p>“Did master Yoda fight with count Dooku?”</p>
<p>Obi-wan’s eye held more of a dark blue around the edges, telling her that his emotions were greatly troubling him over something. She tried to pinpoint the emotion that stirred the strongest, but it eluded her.</p>
<p>“Yes. Master Yoda fought off Dooku. All of the jedi know master Yoda, but have not seen him in an actual duel. I have now.” He paused for a second. “He saved us both.”</p>
<p>And with this last remark he averted his eyes and closed them. Padme had only barely digested his words when he turned away from her but all sort of alarms and warnings went off in her head. Obi-wan would not turn away until everything was said and done. But this could not be all! Both her heart and mind were telling her something vital was missing, the cause of Obi-wan’s unwillingness to tell her about their encounter with Dooku. She almost opened her mouth to protest and ask him for more, but his closed eyes and set face made her decide otherwise. He had closed himself off from her. And it hurt her. Her reasonable side told her he needed time to work it out on his own, or at least get some space to try. But her heart ached for him and wanted nothing more than to heal him. For him to turn that down was hurtful.</p>
<p>Quickly shaking off those feelings of hurt pride she focused on everything Obi-wan had told her. There was no sense in feeling hurt! She scolded herself inwardly for such an emotional flawed reasoning. It was selfish of her to think he would immediately confide his most inner secrets to her just because they…well, whatever they had established between them. He was far more upset than she had right to be, and here she was thinking like a stupid little girl with no consideration!</p>
<p>She took a deep breath and realized that the next part of the conversation would have to come from her. But she highly doubted if he would answer more questions. ‘No, the easy part is over, Padme. Time to really think and solve this.’ She needed to understand what upset Obi-wan so, and she only had his somewhat cryptic and incomplete words to figure it out. The urge to hit him and yell at him rose up for a nanosecond before she pushed those aside as well. No, this needed a sharp mind, piercing through the uncertainty and hit the target dead centre.</p>
<p>Alright, she thought, I can do this. For him. Closing her eyes herself she mentally started making an inventory of what could have caused her love’s distress. Slowly she went through the duel as he had described it to her, and analysed every moment of it for anything that Obi-wan would carry with him still. The destruction of the aircraft cost the lives of a few clones which Obi-wan would regret, but knew to be the harsh and true part of battle. Anakin’s foolish charge…yes, that still bothered him. But in what way? She knew he wasn’t disappointed in Anakin because he had spoken with pride later on. So it wasn’t that Anakin let him down. She pushed it aside for the next thing her mind provided for her, Dooku’s taunts. But she immediately discarded that as a possible burden. Obi-wan’s mind was one of the strongest she knew and would not let an evil man’s words influence him so. Slowly and meticulously she went through everything he had told her, but in the end merely reached the conclusion he had done nothing wrong and should not feel so troubled. She still didn’t understand everything about Yoda’s part in it all, but couldn’t figure out how his presence could trouble Obi-wan.</p>
<p>Internally huffing in frustration she noticed she was still holding Obi-wan’s lightsaber. For a second time she lifted the weapon and examined it. She was unfamiliar with its design and workings but knew quite well what it was capable of. But try as she might, it remained a deadly weapon to her. And she was never fond of weapons. Oh, they were necessary tools at times, but if it were up to her those times would almost never occur. With a small smile she realized that her disdain for weapons did not alter her perception of the jedi knight lying before her. Obi-wan was not a mindless bloodthirsty brute, using its weapon to bring death. No, he was a warrior she could approve of, one who stood for peace and justice in the galaxy. With a small smile she thought that he probably held this weapon in a totally different regard than she did. ‘To him it’s part of his life, and didn’t the jedi create their own lightsabers? He will have constructed it himself then.’ She could imagine him in his younger years, sitting behind a desk with parts all neatly organized, his brow curved in a cute frown as he made his very own lightsaber, the best one out there.</p>
<p>And with that her mind froze. Her eyes unfocused and stared out in the distance. The best lightsaber ever. That was it. To him it’s his own creation, a thing of beauty and function. But to her it was a weapon, tied to violence and aggression instead of peace. And that was exactly the mistake she just made. She looked at everything through her own eyes instead of his. She reasoned with her own set of principles instead of his. She loudly cursed herself internally for overlooking such an important step. Of course she didn’t see what troubled him, because she thought he had done nothing wrong!</p>
<p>Gripping the lightsaber tightly her mind raced back to her earlier analysis to rethink everything but from Obi-wan’s point of view. And slowly, piece by piece things started to make sense and clicked into place. He would have felt remorse for the clone trooper on that transport. He would have felt responsible for Anakin’s thoughtless rush, thinking he could have prevented it somehow. Didn’t he say something like that? ‘I should have seen it, I should have.. Those were his exact words. Oh dear Force, he actually thinks he should have prevented Anakin from charging Dooku!’ A little anger flared on his behalf. He should never feel responsible for such things, they’re not his fault! How in blazes could he have predicted how Anakin would react!</p>
<p>Immediately her mind began picking up other words in his explanation, pinpointing moments that signalled his mental burdens. ‘I relied on the Force as much as I could, but…I failed. He thinks he failed because Dooku defeated him. But he did everything he could! How could he not see that?’ And it was then she reminded herself of the fact that Obi-wan, like herself, never felt it was enough. There was always something he could have done better, or more. And he would always feel guilty when he couldn’t do exactly that.</p>
<p>The word resonated inside her mind. Guilty. The word spread like wildfire through her memories and suddenly filled every gap she had about this situation. He felt guilty about losing to Dooku, he felt guilty about Anakin getting hurt by Dooku.</p>
<p>‘Then how could he—’ But her memory already filled in her unfinished question with a particular image from the hangar. A large powercoil, broken and lying next to the fallen jedi. Master Yoda standing over them, checking if they were alright. The powercoil must have been cut during the duels, she reasoned, no possible explanation for it otherwise. And it looked like it had fallen right next to Obi-wan and Anakin. Yet the base of the coil was some feet to the left, and the coil didn’t face towards it. So… ‘So that would mean the coil was moved aside. And if it was moved aside, it must have fallen down more to the left.’ Her eyes went wide with her little spatial discovery. ‘Right on top of Anakin and Obi-wan…’</p>
<p>‘Who in the name of the Force could have moved such an enormous weight?’ She almost laughed out loud when again her memory answered her own question. Master Yoda. Regarded as the most powerful jedi of these times. He would have moved the coil, preventing it from crushing Obi-wan and Anakin. But wouldn’t he then have to turn away from his duel with Dooku? And again the situation explained itself. ‘Obi-wan said it himself. Yoda fought with Dooku, and he saved them. But saved them from the coil that would have crushed them. And Dooku didn’t go after Yoda when he did that. So all that is left is…Dooku fled while Yoda saved Anakin and Obi-wan.’</p>
<p>And yet again the word guilty popped up. Obi-wan felt guilty about Dooku’s escape because Master Yoda had to break off his duel to save them, she realized. So that is why he made a strange face when I mentioned Yoda’s name when I was sitting by him in the hangar, why he refuses to speak of the end of the duel. He’s ashamed of himself! He wrecks himself with guilt because Yoda had to let Dooku go!</p>
<p>Her heart immediately started aching for the man in front of her. She wanted to hold him, cry for him and yell at him at the same time for being so stubborn, noble, self-sacrificing and stupid! Not to mention too damn good for this twisted universe! Her rational side tried to gain control of things again and think of a way to talk to Obi-wan and get him to release his guilt. Guilt he should not carry around at all! She was tempted for a second to go and get Yoda into this, but instinctively knew Obi-wan would retreat further into his shell, ashamed that the great master had to come and rescue him. No, it was up to her to do something about it at the moment. Besides, if not her, then who? Anakin? She internally snorted at that. As if, she thought. Anakin talking to Obi-wan about emotions and handling them. That’ll be the day.</p>
<p>‘Think Padme, think! You need to let him know he’s not at fault here, that he should not feel guilty.’</p>
<p>But as another minutes passed she was still searching for words that would help her. It just wouldn’t come. She felt the entire reasonable world slipping through her fingers, and try as she might she could not prevent everything from going dark. A shivers ran down her spine as her body grew a little cold. Her insides tightened and she felt like every bit of control and strength she had was rapidly failing. It was simply too much. A cold rational voice in the back of her mind told her this was the inevitable breakdown after the battle, the aftershock of the adrenaline rush she received in that arena. But her mind wasn’t listening anymore, her suppressed emotions were taking over. She had been through a lot herself, almost lost the man she admitted she loved, and was forced to watch as the universe prepared itself for civil war. Swallowing hard as the burning of tears started to assault her eyes she clung to Obi-wan’s cloak. It was all too much. She felt like she was drowning and no lifebuoy was present. Nothing to save her. Nothing but Obi-wan. She needed him.</p>
<p>With quickly moistening eyes she looked down at Obi-wan and squeezed his hand more firmly than the times before. He opened his eyes again and looked at her. Faintly she realized her emotions were clearly showing because Obi-wan immediately started hoisting his body up from the bed, a very concerned look in his eyes.</p>
<p>“Padme, what’s wrong!”</p>
<p>She tried to speak but now words would come. Her mouth opened but a sob came out. It only reminded how much the situation was spinning out of control and she teared up even more. Obi-wan managed to sit up and reached out with his uninjured right arm and placed his palm on her right upper arm.</p>
<p>“Padme please, say something…”</p>
<p>It was his look of pure concern and love that finally made her break down. “Obi-wan…” His name came out as a whisper, conveying every bit of despair and emotional distress she was feeling. He gently but decidedly guided her out o her chair and to his chest, where she immediately buried her face into his shoulder. He pulled her over to the other side of the bed on his right side and let them fall back unto the bed, holding her close. Their warmth flared instantly and it unleashed her tears. She began crying like she had not done since she the night Obi-wan Force suggestion wore off. Everything seeped out of her, releasing all the stress and bad feelings. She barely registered Obi-wan was softly stroking her hair while she was pulled close against him. For what felt like hours she cried her eyes out, clinging to Obi-wan with all the strength she had left.</p>
<p>Eventually their warmth began pouring into her and instead of starting the tears it stopped them, calming her down. Slowly it filled her with a warm sensation of peace and love, making her feel better than she had in a while. Her whole body was relaxed and at ease. Even the wounds on her back were not protesting so much anymore. She pressed her nose into his neck and closed her eyes, absorbing more of the security Obi-wan’s embrace invoked in her. After a long time she reluctantly drew back a little and looked at Obi-wan. He had just opened his eyes and was looking back at her. His eyes were a gentle mix of grey and blue, almost exactly the same that had calmed her so in the arena in the moment before the clone army had showed up. But this time there was more to it. The blue seemed even more intense. She was almost sure it was love, pure and simple, but was suddenly afraid to assume this. They might have admitted to each other, but her certainty of that moment was wavering. His words shook her from her thoughts.</p>
<p>“Better now?”</p>
<p>She smiled a little weary at him and mentally scolded herself for falling to pieces when she should have been there for him! “Yes, thank you,” she replied in a soft voice, “I’m sorry Obi-wan. Here I was supposed to help you but instead I turn into a bawling, emotionally driven little girl. I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>He smiled softly back at her and her heart fluttered. It was a smile not out of sympathy, or amusement, but true and deep affection!</p>
<p>“Please don’t feel sorry about that.” He paused for a second before running his right hand over the side of her head and hair once. “Because I’m not,” he added in a soft voice.</p>
<p>This time the shiver that went down her spine was one of pure delight. “Obi-wan…” But before her brain caught up with her mouth a few more words came tumbling out. “It’s not your fault…”</p>
<p>Instantly she knew he was going to react badly to this. And so he did. His brow furrowed slightly and she could see in his eyes that his previous reluctance had come back. He closed his eyes and laid his head back down. “Padme, please…don’t…”</p>
<p>But she couldn’t. Not this time. She had given him more space and time than she would have wanted in the first place and this time he was not going to get away with it. For heaven’s sake, you’re one of the strongest people I know, deal with it, she mentally screamed before taking action. She lifted her body up and swung one of her legs to his left side. Careful not to disturb his wound on his thigh she skirted up his body until she was straddling his lower torso. With her hands she cupped his face and held it tightly. He was going to hear her and not shut her out. Not now!</p>
<p>“Obi-wan, listen to me.”</p>
<p>He opened his eyes after a moment, his look a little unsure and drawn back. It only served to drive her determination further.</p>
<p>“It’s not your fault,” she said, carefully punctuating every word.</p>
<p>His frown deepened but his eyes turned a darker blue, one that was a sign to her his feelings of guilt were rising to the surface instead of staying buried deep in his mind.</p>
<p>“You could not have prevented Anakin from doing what he did, because he is his own person. You could not make Dooku fight fair because he’s evil!”</p>
<p>Could have been a trick of the light but she could have sworn she saw a brief smile flit over his face when she said the bit about Dooku. Again bolstered she pushed on, pouring as much of her conviction, affection and concern into her words and eyes.</p>
<p>“You could not convince Yoda to not save you because it was his own decision. For once Obi-wan…let what you did be enough. You did all you could. It’s not your fault…”</p>
<p>Lowering her head she brought their lips together, hovering just two inches above his mouth. The intensity between them seemed to double and she slightly tensed in anticipation. The warmth they always experienced was present but seemed to be waiting for something, adding to the feeling of tension. She held his gaze and saw him change as her words finally took hold of him. To seal the deal she whispered her last words again, her breath passing over his lips.</p>
<p>“It’s not your fault…”</p>
<p>And with that all reservation and deny in his eyes vanished. Instinctively she knew he was still feeling bad about the outcome of everything, but did not blame himself anymore. Her inside relaxed again as the joy of achieving her goal flowed through her.</p>
<p>In retrospect that moment was their undoing. Well not really their undoing, more like a last admittance. In retrospect it was inevitable it would happen, and the moment was strangely perfect for it.</p>
<p>The moment she relaxed their warmth shot up through her pelvis and legs to her torso, flushing her skin slightly. In a daze her back relaxed as well and let her drop down to Obi-wan. Their chests touched exactly at the same moment as their lips finally met, as if pulled together by magnetism. The warmth now truly exploded inside her as she felt his right hand come up the side of her left thigh to hold her waist and his left just above her right knee, his lips moulding soft against hers. She lessened her hold on his face and slid her hands up into his hair, parting her finger to feel the strands flow through them. Her eyes fluttered closed and her body took over completely.</p>
<p>Technically it wasn’t their first kiss, but the goodbye kiss she gave him on Naboo was nothing compared to this! Her mind was in complete overload with the sensation of his lips moving against hers. She took a few short breaths through her nose in the need to keep going but was going truly breathless when, in an unspoken but mutually agreed upon move, their tongues came out and slid sensually over each other. A deep moan from her very core escaped her and her mind simply shut down, unable to make sense of the overwhelming bliss that set her body on fire.</p>
<p>After just a few moments they parted. She was breathing heavily to catch her breath while he looked as relaxed as ever, only slightly out of breath. ‘Damn jedi training…although that would mean quite the stamina too…’ Getting a grip on the rattling iron cages in her mind she buried her nose into his neck again, afraid that if she kept looking him in the eyes she would never stop kissing him. And as wonderful as that felt—no scratch that, as absolutely fantastic mind shattering overwhelming great that felt, it scared her a little too. With this one kiss they managed to surpass any relationship she had ever had in her life. And considering she was no longer a virgin, that was saying something! Still slightly out of breath she rested against his neck. With a small wicked streak she placed a soft kiss on his skin, just below the point she could see his pulse beating. And with no small amount of satisfaction she felt him shiver. ‘Good, not the only one affected then.’ Her reasonable side reminded of the passion Obi-wan had poured into their kiss, but her insecure side couldn’t take that as an affirmative yet. The only way she could be totally sure was…</p>
<p>Padme lifted her head and looked Obi-wan straight into his eyes. She was surprised to find them alight with love and contentment instead of lust, even though their kiss had been anything but chaste. A moment they looked at each other, both unsure what to do. She tried to gather the courage to ask him if he loved her. For that was the only way to know for sure if everything that had passed between them was true. But she found herself hesitant to ask. It was her insecure side that held her back, scared to let go and face something new and frightening in its intensity. How could they confess their undying love for each other in the face of civil war, with the positions they both held in life?</p>
<p>A soft tendril of warmth coiled around her heart and her mind went strangely quiet. Every lingering doubt and though slowly faded, leaving her only with the certainty that she knew she loved him. And surprisingly without much thought or hesitation the words left her.</p>
<p>“I love you.”</p>
<p>His face did not contort into disgust, denial or an amused smile. It stayed passive and calm. But his eyes turned a mixture of blue she had never seen before, one she instantly added to her memory and was sure would never forget for as long as she would live. His hands gently squeezed her thigh and waist.</p>
<p>“And I love you.”</p>
<p>No complete elation, or surprise, or shock flooded her system. Only their warmth peacefully flowing through her, filling her completely, suffusing her with the most incredible feeling of calm. She loved him, he loved her. They both admitted it, and both knew it. Closing her eyes she settled back on his chest, nuzzling his neck. Everything else could wait. His right arm came around her lower back and hugged her tightly to him. Within minutes she fell asleep.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In the end, do you choose for unstable passion, or for peace of heart?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Talk</p>
<p>In front of the turbolift door Obi-wan slowly counted to 100 to calm his nerves. Even after an hour of meditation this morning and some saber exercises, he simply could not find the calm he would like to have to face the next task. Last night, after arriving on Coruscant in the evening from Geonosis, Padme and he had talked till 2 in the morning about…well, basically about everything. About the time he had spent on Geonosis with Dooku, and the time she had spent with Anakin.</p>
<p>He internally sighed. Anakin had not been the most easy travel company so it seemed. Padme had told him about his attitude and his emotional declarations. Obi-wan wasn’t sure if she had told him all there was to it, but decided she would tell him if it was important. And going off to Tatooine like that, completely disobeying the orders he had. But then finding his mother dead. Obi-wan closed his eyes and acknowledged his frustration. He truly felt sorry for Anakin, losing his mother in the way he had, but he also felt a strange and distant form of reproach, frowning upon Anakin’s actions. They were…emotionally driven. Not a thing a jedi should do. But then how would he react in a situation like that? Impossible question really, seeing he had absolutely no recollection of his mother, or any other family that is. So in all honestly he could not judge Anakin on it. And this left him frustrated and hesitant. Talk to the boy or not? Console him or give him a good lecture on attachments he would perhaps finally understand and take to heart?</p>
<p>‘Talk to Anakin about not having attachments, yeah, you’re in a real position to go and do that now Kenobi.’</p>
<p>He couldn’t talk to Anakin about not having emotional attachments, not without being a total hypocrite. Had he himself not formed an attachment recently? And talked to her till 2 in the morning? And kissed her goodnight?</p>
<p>His heart jumped at the memory of that kiss, and his feeling of guilt grew a little larger once more. How could something so wonderful make him doubt everything so? During his meditation he asked, prodded and begged the Force as much a he could to explain things to him, make them clear and return everything to their basic simple nature. But the Force had only flowed calmly into him, giving him no admonishment about his new relationship with Padme whilst at the same time leaving as confused as they were before to him.</p>
<p>Blasted Force.</p>
<p>The turbolift gave a soft hum and the doors opened. Obi-wan stepped in, turned on his heels and pressed the correct button that would take him to his destination. It was his newly blooming relationship with Padme that brought him to go there. He needed to talk about things, and he certainly wasn’t looking forward to the conversation. When Padme had suggested it last night he’d gone into a slight state of shock. Sure, she was right in saying it was necessary, but that didn’t mean he had to like it did it?</p>
<p>Of course she also just had to say he needed to talk about his fight with Dooku and the feelings he harboured about it. Saying he needed to discuss the guilt with its object in order for him to shake it off.</p>
<p>Blasted female intuition.</p>
<p>He didn’t want to talk about his feelings, he could nicely deal with them in solitude. In meditation with help from the Force. Like he had done with his grief after Qui-gon’s death, or like he had done with his almost burning frustrations during Anakin’s training and upbringing. He had dealt with it and was a better man afterwards.</p>
<p>‘Then why didn’t the Force relieve you of your guilt this morning?’</p>
<p>Blasted conscience started to sound like her now too.</p>
<p>The turbolift hummed once more and his heart rate shot up a bit. He was here. And now he was going to talk about everything. He swallowed a little dryly and stepped out into the small hall. Adjusting his robes a bit so everything was on straight he squared his shoulder and sighed softly.</p>
<p>‘Force help me…’</p>
<p>He knew he didn’t have to use the chime to announce his presence. It had always been a matter of time before he was called inside.</p>
<p>“Come in Obi-wan. Been expecting you, I have,” the small speaker next to the door relayed to him.</p>
<p>He took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. Then Obi-wan touched the pad and walking through the opened door into Master Yoda’s quarters.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>Anakin stepped out of the Temple’s infirmary in a foul mood. Getting a new mechanical hand fitted, prodded at and adjusted will do that to you.</p>
<p>And being abandoned by your Master doesn’t really help either, he fumed silently.</p>
<p>Last thing he remembered after being struck down by Dooku was Yoda’s face, hovering over him in the medical transport. Through his pain clouded senses he knew Padme and Obi-wan were right next to them on the transport, and he relaxed. If Padme was here, she was alive. And if she was alive, everything was all right.</p>
<p>Except, after that, things didn’t exactly turn out how he wanted them to. He was whisked away to the medical facilities to have the stump that was once his left hand seen to. Padme and Obi-wan were carried to medical rooms too, but different rooms, and he had to let her go from his field of vision. Impatiently he underwent the procedures, eventually ending up with a mechanical hand, along with the instructions to see the Temple’s Healers the second he set foot on Coruscant.</p>
<p>After that he immediately went to look for Padme. But she had been already dismissed from the medical bay and was nowhere to be found. Anakin had thought of looking for his Master, but a great swell of anger and guilt surged through him and caused him to head to the flight deck. There he found some spare parts to tinker with and take his mind of things. It wasn’t as easy as it used to be, but despite the mechanical replacement it gave him the peace of mind he desperately wanted. Whenever he stilled his actions the fight between him and Dooku flashed through his mind, and his emotions flared.</p>
<p>Pride for his action that saved his Master, guilt for failing him.</p>
<p>And anger. Burning anger towards Dooku. The old, pitiful, foolish, insulting man who tricked him in their fight. He should never have won, Anakin raged. It was an unfair fight!</p>
<p>When they arrived back on Coruscant he was forced once more to the medical bay, this time by Obi-wan, who finally showed himself. And briefly at that.</p>
<p>“Anakin, you go and see the Healers about your arm. I will come see you there.”</p>
<p>That was 15 hours ago. The Healers had instructed him to stay during the night, which he found completely unnecessary, but acquiesced none the less. But what had truly made his mood foul was the call Obi-wan made this morning. He had heard about the Healers’ decision to keep Anakin overnight and he had wanted to come to see him this morning, but was called to an important meeting. They would meet for lunch if he was able.</p>
<p>Anakin flexed his new left hand, now fully operational and waiting for a skin graft. Clenching it into a fist he cast his thoughts of Obi-wan aside. Fine, he thought, if Obi-wan is too busy I’ll make my own plans. The council had given them time to recuperate, so he could do whatever he wanted. And right now, he wanted to go and fume alone.</p>
<p>His comm device hummed. Frowning slightly he picked it off his belt and after a moment’s hesitation activated it.</p>
<p>“Yes?”</p>
<p>“Anakin, my dear boy.”</p>
<p>Despite his foul mood Anakin smiled a little. “Chancellor Palpatine”</p>
<p>The chuckle from the other end eased his mood a bit further. “Oh come now Anakin, no need to be so formal with me.”</p>
<p>“And here I thought you enjoyed the title,” Anakin joked.</p>
<p>Again the chancellor chuckled, and Anakin felt himself relax to a point where his anger was under control again. “It is a duty I am glad to fulfil. But enough about me, how are you my dear boy? I heard some awful stories from the battle on Geonosis, are you all right?”</p>
<p>Anakin looked down at his recently acquired prosthesis. “I’m fine, I guess.”</p>
<p>There was a small pause before Palpatine spoke again. “And I am planning to invite count Dooku for tea and cookies.”</p>
<p>Anakin snorted at the presented image.</p>
<p>“We both know you’re not fine Anakin, much has happened.”</p>
<p>How come Obi-wan always made him feel guilty about his emotions, when Palpatine could understand instantly and helped him deal with them so much better?</p>
<p>“Why don’t you come to my office, and we’ll talk. Mm?”</p>
<p>Anakin dropped his head a little and smiled. “All right, I’m on my way.” Hearing Palpatine hang up he disconnected too and hung his comm device back on his belt. It had been a recent development, Palpatine inviting him in for talks, or lunch, or even dinner, but he had come to appreciate them enormously. Their talks were often soothing for his uncertainties, and he felt the Chancellor truly did understand what he was going through.</p>
<p>For a second he thought of informing Obi-wan of his meeting with Palpatine, but immediately decided against it. Obi-wan had always been strangely wary of the leader of the Republic, and often said Anakin shouldn’t deal so much with him. Anakin mentally scoffed. Obi-wan was a politician hater, and it was colouring his judgement.</p>
<p>He turned on his heels and headed to the speeder hangar. Locating one he jumped in, started the engine and soon was off towards his appointment.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>Obi-wan parted his outer cloak and sat down on the large cushion facing Yoda. He drew up his legs and assumed a proper meditative position. He settled his gaze on his clasped hands in his lap, not ready to look the old Master in the eye just yet.</p>
<p>“Recuperated well have you, mm?”</p>
<p>Obi-wan nodded. “Yes master, after leaving the medical bay on the ship I meditated to heal, the wounds are barely visible on the surface now.” He smiled a little. “I even used the handstand meditation you taught Qui-gon and I many years ago.”</p>
<p>To his surprise and reassurance Yoda let out a little chuckle. “Not fond of this method, Qui-gon was. Avoided it when he could he did.”</p>
<p>Obi-wan’s smile grew a little. “He always said it was a waste of time. Frankly, I thought he just didn’t like standing on his head.” He let out a soft laugh. “Well at least he wasn’t the only one. Padme wasn’t too excited to see me like tha—”</p>
<p>Obi-wan stopped dead in his tracks. ‘Nice going, Kenobi, way to open this conversation!’</p>
<p>And it seemed the Force didn’t want to make this any easier for him. “Mmm, Senator Amidala of your meditation did not approve?”</p>
<p>Still avoiding the creature’s gaze Obi-wan decided to just answer everything with full honestly, and not hold back. It would only worsen an already difficult situation.</p>
<p>“She came into my room on the ship when I was doing the exercise. And well, it was more the surprise I suspect than anything else, and she sort of…yelled.”</p>
<p>He could feel rather than see Yoda’s raised eyebrow in silent question.</p>
<p>“All right, screeching was more like it, but don’t tell her I said that. After that, my concentration shattered, and I dropped to the ground. She didn’t like that one bit.”</p>
<p>“Mmm, tell her about the hard head you have, next time you will.”</p>
<p>Fighting a smile Obi-wan bowed his head at Yoda’s comment. “Yes, master.”</p>
<p>They lapsed into silence for a while, Obi-wan not knowing precisely how to start the conversation he’d rather postpone, and also not daring to say anything when Yoda wasn’t talking. After a few minutes Yoda finally broke the quiet.</p>
<p>“Talk, we must Obi-wan.”</p>
<p>With the knowledge that it was quite inevitable, Obi-wan could only nod his head. He took a deep breath to collect his courage and the words he would need. He exhaled, and with it came the words that had wanted to escape him ever since Geonosis.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, master.”</p>
<p>Still not looking up he missed Yoda’s frown. “Sorry, you say? Why?”</p>
<p>Obi-wan closed his eyes and let everything out, just as he had done with Padme last night.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry I could not capture Dooku on time, and perhaps ended the conflict right there and then.” He sighed softly. “I’m sorry I couldn’t protect Anakin, and couldn’t best Dooku in my duel. I…” His voice grew soft, and his last words were mere whispers. “I never intended to be Dooku’s leverage to escape…”</p>
<p>His words hung in the air between them, creating a tension that was slowly suffocating Obi-wan. He awaited Yoda’s lesson, reprimand, whatever he wanted to say to him. A minute stretched into a long silence for him, until Yoda’s voice broke it.</p>
<p>“Your part to take, this guilt is not.”</p>
<p>Convinced the old master would at least point out his errors just like in his padawan days, Obi-wan opened his eyes and settled his surprised gaze on the small yet powerful creature in front of him. Yoda’s posture wasn’t one of the all-knowing teacher, but rather one of…shame? What in blazes was going on?</p>
<p>“Master?”</p>
<p>Yoda locked eyes with him and Obi-wan was shocked to see a measure of guilt in the master’s eyes.</p>
<p>“Let Dooku escape you did not. Failed to act, I did. Judged the situation I did, and acted best I could see. Your fault, it never was.”</p>
<p>Frowning slightly Obi-wan considered his words. “But master, I failed to bring Dooku down, and Anakin paid the price for that. And he wouldn’t have escaped if you hadn’t saved us from the falling powercoil. How in blazes can this be your fault?”</p>
<p>Yoda slowly shook his head in reaction to Obi-wan’s slight outburst. “Too careful I was in our fight, concerned for you I was. And too late did I come, capturing Dooku a priority was.”</p>
<p>Obi-wan was about to respond in kind to those words, but a small gnarled hand stopped him.</p>
<p>“Tells us what about duty, the Jedi Code does?”</p>
<p>This brought a frown to his forehead in momentarily confusion, and after a moment’s thought the words floated back to him. “A jedi must do that what is needed to bring peace and serve the greater good.”</p>
<p>Yoda turned his hand around in a gesture for Obi-wan to continue speaking.</p>
<p>“Standing with the Lightside of the Force, with the morals and rules of the Galactic Republic. A jedi’s life is in service of these ideals, and they must be upheld without reservation or self-protection, nor protection of others under the influence … of … attachment …”</p>
<p>The words died in his throat. The old master nodded.</p>
<p>“Failed to do this duty I did. Sacrifice you and Anakin, I could not.”</p>
<p>Obi-wan found himself in a daze, everything floating around in his head, making sense and no sense at the same time. Without conscious thought a question escaped his lips. “Why not?”</p>
<p>Two old green ears lifted up a bit at this, and Yoda looked at him with a thoughtful expression. “Wondered I have about why. Difficult this proved to be.” The master sighed softly. “Chose you and Anakin over Dooku I did, because you are more important.” Again his hand lifted to pre-empt Obi-wan’s response, which was on the verge of passing his lips. “Agree I do, capturing Dooku was important. But for a long time have I felt the importance of you and Anakin. How you will be, I cannot say. The Force speaks to me only in whispers now of the future, difficult it has become.”</p>
<p>Obi-wan turned his head away from Yoda and stared out of the window. In the distance busy lanes of traffic were congesting the airways of Coruscant. Yet their activity had nothing on the mass of thoughts in his head, spinning in each direction. Incredulous thoughts of Yoda even capable of failing, of Yoda’s admission to Anakin’s importance, his own role in this, attachment, guilt, war, the Force growing distant.</p>
<p>Silently they sat, both in their own thoughts. Finally Obi-wan was the first to speak up again. “Master, there is one thing left to speak of.”</p>
<p>Yoda nodded. “Know of your affection for Senator Amidala, I do.”</p>
<p>Obi-wan let out a half laugh, almost relieved that in this case Yoda was all knowing once more. He didn’t like the prospect of the most powerful jedi alive being fallible. Of course, Yoda would be the first to correct him on this and say that no one was perfect and without faults, but in his eyes the old master always had been such a pinnacle of wisdom, knowledge and strength. But were these not times in which pinnacles were slowly crumbling?</p>
<p>Fighting off a shiver Obi-wan turned back to the elder jedi. “I cannot deny it, master.”</p>
<p>Yoda nodded once more. “Tell me about her, and you.”</p>
<p>And so Obi-wan did. From their very first meeting on Naboo with Qui-gon and Jar-Jar, his starting feelings when on the ship to Tatooine, their conversation in the galley, his actions on Naboo after Qui-gon’s funeral, their reunion here on Coruscant and the following events. For an hour straight Obi-wan talked, leaving as little details out as he was comfortable with, only concealing the occasional kiss here and there. Throughout his tale Yoda merely nodded and kept silent. After finally relaying how they came back from Geonosis and had realized the truth between them Obi-wan fell silent, and settled his eyes on his hands once more, too nervous about Yoda’s reaction to look directly at him.</p>
<p>Again a silence fell between them, making Obi-wan more uncomfortable than he already was. When Yoda finally spoke it was his tone of voice that surprised Obi-wan.</p>
<p>“Understood then you have, the message of the Force.”</p>
<p>He looked up and saw the jedi master wearing a faintly sly grin. Yet for the life of him he couldn’t make heads or tails out of his words. “Master?”</p>
<p>Yoda let out a small chuckle. “On Naboo, told me you did of the warmth you shared. Meditate on it, I asked you to. Now finally, understood you have, this message of the Force.”</p>
<p>Blast, he had completely forgotten about that. At this point the warmth he shared with Padme was almost as natural as breathing, its presence unwavering and reassuring. But Yoda did have a point. At that time he had believed it to be something the Force was telling him, but couldn’t figure out yet what exactly. Now…was it truly this the Force was telling him?</p>
<p>“But master, how can I be certain this is what—”</p>
<p>“Love her, you do?” Yoda interrupted.</p>
<p>Without blinking his eyes Obi-wan responded. “Yes”</p>
<p>“Would give your life to protect her, you would?”</p>
<p>His voice had grown soft, but stated just as clear. “Yes”</p>
<p>“Die as a jedi, protecting the peace, you would too?”</p>
<p>And in the tone of Yoda’s question he could hear the importance. Would he still be a jedi, even when in love? Would he sacrifice himself, their life together, and perhaps even Padme to preserve and protect the ever fragile peace in the universe? In essence, would he do the duty he had sworn to do, piously so after his less than joyous return from Melida/Dann?</p>
<p>Faintly the conversation he had with Padme right after she broke through his Force memory barrier drifted back to him. A jedi wasn’t allowed to love, he had said. The Darkside would be too dangerously close. Selfish love. How was he to deny those very truths? Was love not one of the most dangerous things to a jedi, promising such happiness and bringing such perils?</p>
<p>Yet… Did he want to be selfish about his love for Padme? Come to think of it, he hadn’t even expected it to be real, let alone reciprocated. What if Padme would be taken away from him by her duties to this new war? Surely he would be sent out to fight. Could they be apart? Could they sacrifice themselves in a struggle that could claim their very lives?</p>
<p>The fire in her eyes had always told him they could. She knew better than most jedi what selflessness and duty was, having cultivated and lived it for a large part of her life. She would make sure this universe would see peace if it was the last thing she’d ever do. She’d go down fighting, as they thought they were going to back on Geonosis. It was there they had admitted it without words, but had fought none the less.</p>
<p>And it was there that he decided to leave her behind on that dune to chase Dooku. For too long had he been a jedi to be selfish. Too much peace he had done with his role as a jedi to think otherwise. All Qui-gon, Yoda, and other jedi’s had done for him in his life had shaped him into this, and he would never give up on that. He would never stop being a jedi, even when his heart belonged to Padme. His heart belonged to her, and the rest of him would forever serve the Republic, till the day he would join the Force.</p>
<p>Obi-wan searched Yoda’s eyes for any doubt the master may have about this, but could see none. Trust he saw, perhaps even some encouragement.</p>
<p>“Yes, I would,” he finally replied to Yoda’s final question, his voice hushed by his realizations.</p>
<p>Yoda nodded. “Then a jedi, you will remain.”</p>
<p>The relief flowed through him, making him slump down into the cushion a bit. He couldn’t help but think Qui-gon would have answered the same.</p>
<p>“Thank you master Yoda, I… I don’t know what to say.”</p>
<p>The old master smiled. “Name firstborn after me, you will.”</p>
<p>The look of utter confusion, shock and bewilderment caused Yoda to chuckles.</p>
<p>“Fear not, Obi-wan, joking I was.”</p>
<p>“Please never do that again master,” he pleaded in a hoarse voice.</p>
<p>“Promise, I will not,” Yoda smiled.</p>
<p>Obi-wan nodded as his nerves calmed down again and he could see the humor in his statement. In a smooth motion he uncrossed his legs and stood up. “Thank you master Yoda, for…everything.”</p>
<p>His bow was interrupted however by the master’s voice. “One last thing, there is to say.”</p>
<p>Sitting back down but keeping his feet on the floor, Obi-wan frowned slightly in question. Yoda sighed softly.</p>
<p>“Know you do, few jedi there are. Geonosis…some did not survive.” His green ears drooped a little. “Difficult times are still ahead, and the jedi may not be enough.”</p>
<p>The sadness and foreboding in Yoda’s words didn’t escape Obi-wan, but he knew no words from him were required, so he kept silent.</p>
<p>“Important, it has become, to have the right people in the right places.”</p>
<p>He nodded. “I agree.”</p>
<p>To this Yoda nodded his assent. “Then agree to have Skywalker take his trials you will.”</p>
<p>Obi-wan smiled. “He may not be all he can be yet master, but yes, a good knight he shall be, I promise you.”</p>
<p>“The council agrees. Skywalker, the trials will take.”</p>
<p>Again Obi-wan made to stand and leave, thinking this was the last subject. It surprised him when Yoda tacked on one final thing.</p>
<p>“As will you.”</p>
<p>Obi-wan raised his eyes to meet Yoda’s. Trials? He? But he already was a knight, and a master to Anakin. What trials could he do? A jedi only goes through two trials in his life, one for knighthood, and another for the title of master. There aren’t any more trials than that. Okay, so technically there was, but that is…for…</p>
<p>“No”</p>
<p>“Mmm, but ready, you are.”</p>
<p>“Please master Yoda, I…I’m too young, and not good enough.”</p>
<p>“Believe in you, I do.”</p>
<p>That certainly halted any other objection he could have made. Blast, now why did Yoda have to say that? It made denial absolutely impossible. Maybe he could use his relationship with Padme as way to stave this off.</p>
<p>But once more Yoda seemed at the top of his game. “Agree with me, Senator Amidala will.”</p>
<p>“Blast”</p>
<p>Yoda’s chuckle confirmed he had actually said that out loud. Obi-wan groaned softly and hung his head a little. “When do the trials start?”</p>
<p>“Contact you about it soon we will. Now, talk to someone you need to.”</p>
<p>This time he bowed there was no more added points, simply because he couldn’t take anymore. “Goodnight master.”</p>
<p>“Believe in the Force and yourself, Obi-wan.”</p>
<p>A small smile crept up his face. “I’ll try.” And with this small taunt he turned and exited the small room. Yoda might reprimand him for it later, but the little troll had dropped enough bombshells on his head to be guilty about one tiny bit of retaliation. He pressed the console for the turbolift to come, replaying their conversation in his mind. Had Yoda truly given him permission to love Padme? It seems he had, but it was hard to believe.</p>
<p>When the turbolift came he stepped in and selected his floor. First a stop at his quarters, then to Padme’s apartment. Then he would retell the entire conversation. The doors closed and the lift hummed softly as it descended.</p>
<p>‘I wonder what Padme will say about Yoda’s words. Perhaps smugly inform me that love conquers all.’ He chuckled softly. ‘Although I doubt she could guess that Yoda asked me to take the trials to become a member of the council. No, don’t think she’ll see that coming. I certainly didn’t.’</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Chapter 20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In the end, do you choose for unstable passion, or for peace of heart?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Wandering on or off the path</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Palpatine had waited until Anakin had finished his desert before opening the conversation.</p>
<p>“Now your Geruvian pie is gone, perhaps you can tell me about Geonosis.”</p>
<p>Anakin put down his fork on his plate, a little disappointed that the piece of his favorite pie was gone already. “Haven’t you gotten all the reports?”</p>
<p>The Chancellor made a dismissive sweep with his hand in the air. “I’ve had so many reports that it would take a month to read them all. What I want to know is what happened to you, dear boy. The way I heard it you flew to Geonosis and executed a daring rescue attempt, one the Jedi council was unwilling to perform.”</p>
<p>His pie now forgotten Anakin focused on the chancellor. “Well, in all honesty it was Padme who started it…”</p>
<p>Another dismissive sweep of his hand punctuated his words in a way Anakin liked very much. “Don’t sell yourself short Anakin, you were the leading jedi. I don’t believe Senator Amidala would have gotten very far without you.”</p>
<p>He thought of Padme’s feisty character and how she would disagree and say she could take care of herself, but he also reasoned he was the superior fighter, not her. So he took the chancellor’s words as a compliment.</p>
<p>“Thank you.”</p>
<p>“I’m merely telling you what I believe to be true, Anakin. Now tell me, how was Count Dooku?”</p>
<p>Anakin felt his blood slowly start to burn at the mention of the former elder jedi. “Dooku is a sithspawn,” he spat out, “an old man who needs to fight with tricks and taunts in order to win.”</p>
<p>Palpatine leaned forward in his chair, a genuine curiosity shining in his eyes. “Tell me about your duel, Anakin.”</p>
<p>Unconsciously Anakin flexed his mechanical hand as he spoke of the duel, how Dooku had used Force lightning against him, how his master had been incapacitated, how he had fought with two sabers at the same time. At the mention of this Palpatine looked very impressed.</p>
<p>“Two lightsabers? My dear boy, I didn’t even know that was possible! That would have been quite difficult for Dooku to survive, I’m sure!”</p>
<p>A small smile formed on his lips as he recalled the swift swordplay Dooku had to employ to avoid his sabers. “Indeed, I had the upper hand there for a while.”</p>
<p>“And yet…,” Palpatine’s voice trailing away a bit, “he managed to take your hand.”</p>
<p>His mechanical fingers flexed and formed a crushing fist. “Dooku relied on every trick he could think of, he dared not fight fairly against me.”</p>
<p>The chancellor nodded his silent agreement.</p>
<p>“Instead of fighting fairly he used the Force to crush us beneath a powercoil. That is when Master Yoda was there too.”</p>
<p>“Master Yoda, yes, I remember hearing he was there.”</p>
<p>Anakin gave a small shrug. “I don’t remember much of it, just what I heard afterwards. Dooku and Yoda fought, and Yoda saved us from the powercoil.”</p>
<p>“And let Count Dooku get away…”</p>
<p>The chancellor’s statement hung in the air. Anakin felt a swift need to affirm it, but decided to let it go in the end. Even though the chancellor had a point.</p>
<p>“Well, I think you fought like a true, brave and powerful jedi Anakin. Just not powerful enough to take down Dooku…”</p>
<p>Again it hung in the air, but this time it made him bristle and respond quickly. “I will become more powerful and show Dooku who is the better man.”</p>
<p>A small smile graced Palpatine’s lips. “Of that, I have no doubt my boy.”</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>The second Obi-wan stepped out of the lift he mentally smacked his hand against his forehead. ‘Blast, I forgot all about Anakin! I told him we would meet for lunch if I was able.’ A part of him reasoned he wasn’t free at all, Padme was waiting eagerly to hear how his conversation with Yoda had gone. Then again, another part of him spoke up, they hadn’t made any lunch plans for that. Both confronted with a hectic schedule right upon arrival on Coruscant, they had agreed to stick to dinner as the most likely time of meeting.</p>
<p>With the knowledge that Padme would not expect him at lunch, Obi-wan plucked the communicator from his belt.</p>
<p>“Anakin, this is Obi-wan, do you copy?”</p>
<p>After a small pause he was about to try again, when his padawan, former padawan he reminded himself, responded.</p>
<p>“Yes, master?”</p>
<p>“Anakin, my meeting ran a little late, but I’m free to meet you for lunch if you would still like to.”</p>
<p>“I would have master, but I’ve already had lunch with Chancellor Palpatine.”</p>
<p>He couldn’t keep the surprise and slight frown out of his voice. “Chancellor Palpatine?”</p>
<p>“Yes, master. He called me this morning, after the healers fixed my hand.”</p>
<p>Was their some resentment in his voice there? Obi-wan pushed it aside for now.</p>
<p>“Very well, Anakin. Perhaps we can meet for lunch tomorrow then.”</p>
<p>“Yes, master.”</p>
<p>He disconnected and put the comm-link back into his belt. Ever since Anakin had come to Coruscant to commence his Jedi training Chancellor Palpatine had been present in his life. In the beginning it was a short inquiry or pat on the back when they so happened to cross paths, but lately the chancellor had become more of a permanent fixture in Anakin’s life. And not because Obi-wan had wanted it. Truth be told, he didn’t like it one bit. He would have to admit that it was his distaste for politicians that colored his opinion somewhat, but Palpatine just…well, he just didn’t like the man. A gut feeling mostly, but one he was willing to listen to.</p>
<p>Shaking off his thoughts on the chancellor and Anakin he strode towards the great marble stairs that would lead him outside. Anakin was a jedi knight now, no longer in need of his constant attention. Which brought relief and concern to him at the same time. With a quick wave a public transport stopped, and Obi-wan told him to go to the Senate building. Perhaps Padme was free for lunch after all.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>With an angry push Anakin stowed away his comm device. Some nerve he has, Anakin thought, to call me and expect me to jump at his beck and call. Why does it all have to be by his convenience?</p>
<p>“If I knew you would be meeting Master Kenobi for lunch I would have called at a different time.”</p>
<p>Seemed like the chancellor had read his very mind. “No, we didn’t have any plans. I’m glad you called me.”</p>
<p>Palpatine leaned back in his chair and studied him for a moment. The scrutiny would have made him uncomfortable in the past, but he had learned that the man was only trying to figure out what was best for him, so he stood firm under his gaze.</p>
<p>“Has your relationship with Master Kenobi changed, Anakin?”</p>
<p>Instantly two images came to mind. One where Obi-wan was correcting him on his hand to hand combat on Naboo during his short visit, and the other of Obi-wan saying goodbye to him when he and Padme went to board the refugee shuttle. After his first solo mission his status as a knight had been established, which meant that Obi-wan technically was no longer his master. Yet even during his first mission he was right there to correct him, showing him he still had so many faults. It chafed at him that Obi-wan still acted like his master in so many ways, when he was a full jedi knight now.</p>
<p>“I will see less of Master Obi-wan when I receive more missions now I’m a jedi knight.”</p>
<p>Palpatine nodded. “I’ve said it before, I think you are quite ready for it. To show how much you can do for the Republic.”</p>
<p>Why, why couldn’t Obi-wan and the council see what the chancellor saw in him? The elder man knew him well enough to see his potential, yet the jedi always questioned him. Held him back…</p>
<p>“And I want to do it, go on missions for the Republic. I just wish…”</p>
<p>He trailed off, unsure whether he could say it. But a small nod and encouraging look from the chancellor convinced him he could speak his mind freely here.</p>
<p>“…I just wish the Council would trust me.”</p>
<p>The other man frowned. “Why would they not trust you, Anakin?”</p>
<p>Suppressed frustrations found their way to the surface now they suddenly found the freedom to be heard.</p>
<p>“They still think I’m not ready, not enough in control of my emotions. Obi-wan, the Council, they all think I’m some kind of weak fool.”</p>
<p>Anakin brought his hands down back to rest on the table, having gestured animatedly during his outburst without even realizing it. Palpatine rose from his chair, walked over to Anakin and put a hand on his shoulder. The gesture felt very reassuring to Anakin. The chancellor sighed.</p>
<p>“I have always thought highly of the jedi before I came to office here. But having seen and met them my opinion has changed somewhat.”</p>
<p>Anakin looked up with a slight frown and a questioning look. The older man squeezed his shoulder again in reassurance.</p>
<p>“Oh I still think they are amazing warriors, the best of the Republic. But I found their emotionless ways to be…arrogant.”</p>
<p>“Arrogant?” ‘Arrogant?’ Anakin weighed the word in his mind and found it oddly pleasing.</p>
<p>“In a way, yes. They think emotions are to be controlled, obliterated. But we all have emotions, and they cannot go away. I would advocate an understanding of emotions, rather than suppression or ignorance of it. Know yourself, and you become a wise man.”</p>
<p>Anakin found himself in total agreement with this statement. “It is very hard to suppress emotions.”</p>
<p>Palpatine let out a soft laugh. “My boy, I’m astounded you have done it so much already! I would have burst under the pressure, to be sure.”</p>
<p>To have a strong and balanced man say something like that made his internal struggle seem justified. “I try.”</p>
<p>With a soft pat on his shoulder Palpatine left his side and walked over to his desk. There he picked up a thin datapad, and looked intently at it for a second. Then he turned back to Anakin.</p>
<p>“My dear boy, would you consider doing a small mission for me? For the Republic?”</p>
<p>Surprise bloomed inside of him, along with a faint sense of pride. “A mission, for you?”</p>
<p>Another dismissive wave of his hand in the air. “Off the records, consider it more a request than an official mission. After all, I’m not the jedi Council.”</p>
<p>For a second he reminded himself that the day after tomorrow he was getting his skin graft, and then the Council would most likely call on him. But, he reasoned, wasn’t doing a favor for the Supreme Chancellor of the Republic in line with the mandate of the jedi? His duty to the Republic?</p>
<p>“What kind of mission?”</p>
<p>The chancellor smiled proudly at him for his apparent choice.</p>
<p>“Last week I received a report of some underground youth movements. They roam the nightlife of Coruscant’s lower levels, causing trouble in the nightclubs. Now it is standard practice to send in the official police force, but that way it may never be resolved. Short time confinement does not discourage them, I’m sure.”</p>
<p>It sounded very rebellious to him. He had known a few padawans that had done some clubbing, but Obi-wan always had kept him on a short leash, so he had no real experience on the matter. He wondered what it would be like, and what he could do about it.</p>
<p>“What I would like you to do, Anakin, is search for these gangs, and get to know what they are about. Learn the reasons behind their behavior and feelings, so I can take far more appropriate and effective measures to ensure the trouble stops.”</p>
<p>If he was honest, it sounded alluring. Exciting even. But the question was if he had the time, or the permission, to do this ‘request’ for the chancellor. Normally any knight needed clearance from the council to embark on a mission. But this wasn’t a mission, not really. And the Supreme Chancellor was asking it personally. How could he refuse that?</p>
<p>Apparently Palpatine saw through his concerns once more.</p>
<p>“If you would prefer I could clear it with Master Kenobi, or even the Jedi Council first.”</p>
<p>This convinced Anakin the chancellor was on the level with him, and that accepting to do this favor was the right thing to do. He stood up and walked up to the front of the desk. There he looked straight at the chancellor with his right hand offered to take the datapad.</p>
<p>“I will do this request for you. The Council might give me a mission soon, but I shall finish this first.”</p>
<p>Palpatine smiled broadly at him. “Excellent, Anakin, you’re doing me and the authority here on Coruscant a great favor. It shall not be forgotten.” He gave Anakin the datapad. “Now, as I understand it, it’s a large group, consisting of several species in the age of 16 to 21. If you can successfully reach them and make contact you’ll be one of the older ones.”</p>
<p>Anakin nodded his agreement.</p>
<p>“Perhaps…perhaps it would be wise to have someone accompany you. Someone slightly younger, to make it easier to connect to the group. A female perhaps…”</p>
<p>This certainly surprised him and piqued his curiosity. “A female?”</p>
<p>The chuckle Palpatine let out sounded amused and slightly suggestive. “Yes Anakin, a female. I believe you do know what a woman is?”</p>
<p>On instinct he gave the chancellor a sarcastic smile. “Yes, I do.”</p>
<p>Again this was met with a chuckle, this time in good-natured amusement. “I’m sorry my boy, allow an old man his jokes.”</p>
<p>Anakin smiled, accepting Palpatine’s eccentricity like he would humor a favorite uncle.</p>
<p>“Now I believe,” Palpatine said, quickly rummaging amongst some files, “ah yes, here it is.” He pulled a small datasheet out. “Jazela Fenris, daughter to commander Fenris, the head of the Coruscant police force. I’ve met with him once, and he keeps me up to date on the workings of the police force. Now two weeks ago his daughter joined the force, no doubt eager to step into her father’s footsteps. She fits the profile perfectly to act as your…companion.”</p>
<p>With equal measures of curiosity and hesitation Anakin accepted the datasheet. The first thing that attracted his attention was the photo in the upper right-hand corner. And unconsciously he held his breath for a split-second. A delicate face, soft brown eyes, and long rich, chestnut brown hair greeted him, instantly reminding him of the image he held of Padme in his mind. The resemblance seemed uncanny in that instant. Then it receded, and she looked different. But not much. He couldn’t describe her in any other way than beautiful.</p>
<p>“So perhaps you can meet her? Take on this assignment together?”</p>
<p>Still fixed on her image Anakin nodded. The chancellor’s words had only reached his mind dimly, but one word rang like a bell. Together. ‘Yes, together with Padme on an assignment, just like on Naboo.’ He shook his head lightly and reminded himself that the woman on this datasheet was not Padme. Yet again, he couldn’t help but see how much she resembled the woman of his heart. And he couldn’t help but wonder how she would be in person…</p>
<p>Vaguely he could remember leaving Palpatine’s office, saying goodbye to the man in a haze. Now riding down in the lift he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the picture.</p>
<p>‘My Padme…’</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>After ushering Anakin from his office Palpatine calmly walked back to his desk and sank into his chair. With a casual flick of his wrist a private comm channel was opened. From the other end a cultured, slightly haughty voice greeted him.</p>
<p>“Yes, Lord Sidious.”</p>
<p>“Have the girl contact the boy. They will meet tonight, in one of the clubs close to her apartment. Make sure she knows what to do.”</p>
<p>“Right away, my lord.”</p>
<p>With another flick the channel closed and the office was silent. A faint smile graced the chancellor’s lips. This would be a test to see how Anakin’s obsession with Padme had grown. To see what he would do to get her. And he hoped it would be everything he suspected, and more.</p>
<p>‘Like molding clay…’</p>
<p>A soft chuckle escaped him. With just a lot of patience and the right words here and there, Anakin would be standing on the edge of the abyss, willing to jump in at his merest command. Of that, he would make sure.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Chapter 21</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In the end, do you choose for unstable passion, or for peace of heart?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Intimacy part 1</p>
<p>With a quick word of thanks to her secretary, he took a moment to lean against the doorpost. He had never seen her at work and to see her so concentrated and serious impressed him. Her focus was so complete she hadn’t even noticed him opening the door. But what amused him was the string of muttering under her breath, probably about the things she was reading on the datapad. He couldn’t hear if there were any curses in there, but there was a good chance for that.</p>
<p>After a minute Obi-wan decided to finally announce him. He gently knocked on the doorframe to attract her attention. But to his amusement she didn’t even flinch. He knocked again, a little louder this time. Padme waved her hand in front of her without taking her eyes off the datapad.</p>
<p>“Just leave it on the edge of my desk, Yubona. I’ll look at it when I get through this blasted Neimodian text.”</p>
<p>With a smile Obi-wan walked up to her desk. “Any good bedtime reading?”</p>
<p>He was afraid she had given herself whiplash with the speed she looked up, but she seemed all right enough to scold him right away.</p>
<p>“Obi-wan! My goodness, you scared me half to death! Have you no manners!”</p>
<p>For an answer he settled on a simple shrug. “I knocked. Twice.”</p>
<p>She frowned slightly, probably trying to remember if she had heard anything. “I only heard one knock…”</p>
<p>Obi-wan grinned. “Can’t help it that your powers of observation were hindered by your intense devotion to your work.”</p>
<p>Padme gave him a glare that practically yelled ‘smart-ass’ at him, and chucked the datapad on the desk. “Blasted Trade Federation has hired some new proposal writer. I swear, if we ever cross paths, I’ll break nine of his ten fingers so he can’t write so blasted many pages of absolute nonsense!”</p>
<p>“Yes, well, the only good Neimodian is a flat-broke one.”</p>
<p>To his relief this brought a smile back to her face. “Well put. I’ll try and circulate that one around the Senate.”</p>
<p>With a soft shake of his head he continued. “I was wondering if you were free for lunch, but I can see you’re quite tied up at the moment.”</p>
<p>She nodded. “Sadly, yes.”</p>
<p>“Then we shall meet for dinner.”</p>
<p>Padme smiled widely. “I’d like that. My place?”</p>
<p>He smiled back. “Unless you want to have a private conversation with hundreds of Force sensitives around.”</p>
<p>“No thank you,” she chuckled.</p>
<p>Obi-wan made a little bow. “Then I will see you tonight, milady.”</p>
<p>“Master jedi”</p>
<p>He gave her a wink to lighten the formalities, and left her office. ‘I’ll be very curious what she’ll say about my conversation with Yoda. Mmm, dinner.’ He paused for a moment, before redirecting his steps in a different heading. ‘A bottle of Janarian wine should make everything a little easier.’</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>A little indecisive Anakin held his comm device loosely in his hand. He had been standing outside for ten minutes now, his eyes roaming the datapad endlessly. The young lady described on it already started to haunt him, making it difficult for him to keep in mind that it was a total stranger, not someone he knew intimately. Yet, so much of it sounded like Padme. She had volunteered for public service, had been the leader of a student group, and even had helped in political circles before following her father into the police service. And her picture…</p>
<p>He still couldn’t believe how much she looked like Padme. Almost all the features he loved in the Senator were present in Jazela Fenris. Part of him wanted to see her immediately and see for himself if this could be true. But a different part of him told him that this was not Padme, and could never be her.</p>
<p>With a shake of his head he cleared such thoughts. It was irrelevant how she looked, she was there to help him crack the case for the chancellor. Like Obi-wan always said, duty first. This steeled his nerves again and he confidently dialled his comm-link. A female voice on the other end picked up, and he gave her the strongest and most confident voice he could.</p>
<p>“Miss Fenris. My name is Anakin Skywalker, I am a jedi knight. Supreme chancellor Palpatine said we needed to talk.”</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>When he had contacted her this afternoon he had been calling the shots, he was in charge. And now? Now he found himself walking besides her, trying to keep up. From the moment they had met in person the comparison between Jazela and Padme became even more elaborate. They were practically of the same height, and the brisk and business like manner in which she presented herself and immediately addressed the matter at hand had been very familiar to him. Could it be that Padme had an identical twin without knowing of it?</p>
<p>They hadn’t spoken much yet, only agreed how to best proceed and handle this assignment. Her voice was different than Padme’s, he noted, slightly higher and with a completely different accent. This girl grew up on Coruscant, she had the same accent as Obi-wan. It was just everything else that reminded him so much of Padme, that he had to keep in mind she wasn’t her.</p>
<p>She stopped in front of him and he halted in his tracks as well. Across the street the bright neon lights announced they had arrived at their intended target. One of the busy nightclubs on the lower levels of Coruscant. The music was already vibrating the air around them, and Anakin’s curiosity to see what the inside would be like doubled. Jazela turned and looked at him.</p>
<p>“So, how are we going to play this?”</p>
<p>He hadn’t really thought of that yet, so he covered it up quickly. “What do you think we should do?”</p>
<p>She smiled softly, making her visage even more appealing. “The youths that come here as friends, often lovers. I think it would be best to pose as the best of friends, or a couple, that way we can stay close together in case we need to help each other, or get out.”</p>
<p>Anakin nodded. It sounded plausible.</p>
<p>“But whatever you decide, jedi Skywalker.”</p>
<p>This made him fix her with a stare. He could see she meant it, and was deferring to him as the leader of this ‘mission’. A feeling of righteousness surged through him. Yes, he was the jedi knight now, he was making the plans. The way it should have been for a while now. He nodded again.</p>
<p>“We’ll pose as a couple. That way I can protect you if it comes to that.”</p>
<p>In response she nodded too and turned away to look at the club again. The complete lack of argument over his protection made him feel even better about this. Without turning she grabbed his hand.</p>
<p>“Shall we?”</p>
<p>He placed his other hand on her shoulder, not yet accustomed to touching her. But getting there quite quickly. “After you, milady.”</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>With a small motion of his hand Obi-wan swept some lint off his cloak. In his other hand he held a bottle of Janarian wine, the best vintage he could find. In a jedi’s diet there was no alcohol to be found, but on rare occasion he would drink a single glass of spirits. This was usually at some diplomatic banquet to keep a good accord going between factions. But tonight was special. Very special.</p>
<p>Taking in one last deep breath he tapped the pad next to the door, and it opened. He stepped out of the lift and walked calmly to the living room. The first thing he noticed was the level of light. Or better said the absence thereof. On the small tables next to the couches stood small clusters of candles giving off a soft glow. At the end of the room the large dining table had been cleared, and two places set up right at the end of it, facing each other. Two more candles illuminated the table, but other than that the apartment was dark. Well, as dark as it could be in the city where there was always some light source to pierce the night.</p>
<p>Obi-wan walked up to the table and set down the bottle. He noted that the plates had a beautiful Nubian image displayed on it, and the silverware was faintly glistening in the golden yellowish light of the candles. Shrugging off his coat he kept looking at the table, not wanting to spoil her surprise by reacting to her signature in the Force.</p>
<p>“Good evening, master jedi.”</p>
<p>He turned on his heels and took in the image of the woman standing before him. Padme was leaning with her back against the doorframe, coming from the kitchen. She was wearing a deep midnight blue velvet gown, the material only just hanging off her shoulders and with an elegant neckline, adorned only by a fine silver weave depicting elongated tree leaves along the seam under her clavicles. The same design of leaves hung in her hair, fine silver threads linked together to form delicate oval rings around her head. Her make-up was so fine he could barely see it, but the thin dark lines under her equally darkened eyelashes accentuated her eyes and made their normal sparkling brown color turn into a more alluring and evasive brown, seemingly pulling the light of the candles into it and make it a part of their hue.</p>
<p>He made his voice as soft and sexy as he could make it, to give his words the maximum effect. “You, Padme Amidala, are an exceptionally beautiful woman.”</p>
<p>The candlelight was making it difficult to see, but he reckoned there was a blush on her cheeks. ‘Good, my words had their intended effect. Now for the ‘sweep her off her feet’-gesture.’ Obi-wan stepped forward and placed himself right in front of her. He then bent down slightly and took hold of her hands with his, and lifted them up to his face. There he placed a gentle kiss on her knuckles.</p>
<p>“And I mean it when I say I feel a very lucky man to have found you, and to be loved by you.”</p>
<p>Okay, so he hadn’t intended to go overboard like that, but some things just slip out in the heat of the moment. And now, looking into those enthralling eyes, he couldn’t help but smile softly and fondly at her. In return she gave him a look that was both startling and fulfilling in its intensity. He felt her squeeze his hands briefly, and her voice was a little uneven in the beginning.</p>
<p>“Shall…shall we sit down?”</p>
<p>Without a word he led her to the table and helped her into her seat. As he stepped away from her he couldn’t help brushing his hands over her bare shoulders. Heat of the moment. He sat down opposite to her and their eye contact was…electrifying to say the least. When one of her handmaidens brought a deliciously smelling dinner in, he decided to stave off the heavy conversation with Yoda as long as he could. He wanted to enjoy this as long as he could.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>It didn’t take long for them to spot a group of teenagers that fit the description. They were hanging around one of the booths in the club, steadily drinking and smoking. The question was now how to place contact, without seeming too obvious. Anakin had half a mind just to walk up to them and demand in the name of the Republic that they leave, but he knew that wouldn’t do any good. No respect for authority, he thought. No matter how strong the Republic is, some people will never listen. Someone should make them listen, he idly thought.</p>
<p>He was pulled from his thoughts when Jazela pulled him towards the dance floor. The music that was playing at the moment was quite wild, and he couldn’t see why she was suggesting dancing.</p>
<p>“I don’t dance!” he half screamed in her ear, in order to make himself heard.</p>
<p>She shook her head and tugged on his hand, telling him she had a plan. Somewhat hesitant he followed. When they reached the edge of the dance floor the music changed. The bass made his diaphragm throb, but it was the melody over it that made him pause. It was slow, beguiling, haunted even. He was about to say that he definitely didn’t dance on this type of music, when she leaned in and delivered her words directly into his ear.</p>
<p>“Hang back until I’ve got another man over me on the dance floor. Then come up and start a fight with him.”</p>
<p>Then she was off and unto the dance floor. And there she started dancing. And he was rooted to the spot. Jazela started undulating her body in time with the melody, slowly gyrating her hips in lazy circles. Her eyes closed and she seemed to glide into the music rather than dance to it. With deliberately sensual motions she slid her hands over her torso, and Anakin could feel the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. Around him he could feel the attention of almost everybody focus on her, and he was also unable to look away. His eyes were fixed on her, taking in every move she made, every expression of near ecstasy she displayed.</p>
<p>Faintly he felt the Force swirl around her, casting a vague glow over her, making her even more enticing than she already was. All his senses were filled by her, and he almost forgot what she had told him. He couldn’t tell whether it was 10 seconds or 10 minutes she had been dancing, when a guy from the crowd stepped unto the floor. The man was humanoid, late twenties, almost as tall as Anakin was. He could distinguish a few catcalls in the distance, probably friends of the guy, egging him to go and dance with Jazela. As the man drew near to her a fire lit in Anakin’s gut. Flames licked at his insides, burning higher and higher when the guy reached her and placed his hands on her hips. She didn’t stop her dancing and placed her hands on top of his, her hips now moving dangerously close to his pelvis.</p>
<p>The fire swept over him, consuming his focus until he could barely see more than the two of them. Unconsciously her words came back to him, but consciously he decided that this just wouldn’t do for a completely different reason. In a few quick strides he was on the dance floor. Anakin grabbed the guy’s shoulder with his normal hand and pulled him from Jazela. This caused the man to stumble back a bit in surprise. Surprise that was immediately replaced by a low anger.</p>
<p>“Hey man, go find your own girl to dance with.”</p>
<p>Anakin stepped forward and held his hand up, preventing the guy from coming back to Jazela’s side. She was still dancing slowly, but far less expressive and had her gaze locked on Anakin and her new dancing partner. Anakin barely noticed her.</p>
<p>“Back off.”</p>
<p>The fire inside of him still raged, but he felt more clearheaded than before. This was as clear to him as Rokian crystal. She was here with him, and no other would get near her.</p>
<p>The guy obviously didn’t see the fire in him. “I saw her first, man. Now get out of my way.”</p>
<p>He came up to Anakin and placed his hands flat on his chest, ready to push him off to the side. With a practised move Anakin twisted his body and the guy’s hand pushed at nothing but air. Anakin brought up his mechanical hand on instinct and grabbed the man’s wrist. Servo’s and small gears accepted his command and the metal prosthesis clenched, squeezing flesh and bone closer together. The man let out a yelp and fell to his knees, his eyes alight with pain. The inferno in his blood sang with satisfaction to have control, and Anakin held the man’s wrist tightly. He leaned in close and bit his words into the guy’s face.</p>
<p>“She’s mine.”</p>
<p>He then twisted the wrist, close to breaking point, and made the guy fall to the ground. With his other hand he found Jazela’s waist and pulled her a little closer. She in turn draped her arms around his neck. The guy took the warning seriously and stumbled back to his friends, shock evident on his face.</p>
<p>He kept his eyes on the retreating man, but let Jazela pull him off the dance floor and into a small alcove in the wall. She leaned in like before and spoke directly into his ear, her warm breath flowing over him.</p>
<p>“Well done, Anakin. We attracted the attention of the group, and they seem impressed by your display. It may be too soon to establish some form of contact, but they know our faces now. We’ll stay for a few minutes longer, then we’ll go and come back tomorrow night. Agreed?”</p>
<p>He could only nod. His anger at the guy had abated, and now his senses were consumed once again by her. She was pressed up again him, her mouth close to his ear. Right below his own mouth her neck tantalized him, daring him to lean down and taste her skin. He flexed his normal hand on her hip. Instantly he noticed how she bowed her head a little, exhaling a warm shuddering breath over his neck. Anakin felt aroused, his senses and emotions surging inside of him, a fire of a different kind igniting within him. But he fought it, some part of his mind still telling him this wasn’t Padme, and the rest of him wanting to have control of the situation. But when her hand slowly slid from his neck over his chest and down to his stomach control was rapidly dancing out of his grip.</p>
<p>“Anakin…”</p>
<p>Her voice had lowered, burning right through him. With effort he kept from kissing her right there and then.</p>
<p>“Come with me…”</p>
<p>But he didn’t have the will to deny this request.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>“So I say to him to come down from there, that the danger has gone. From that moment on he started using Force jumps more and more, to the point where I can’t even begin to slow him down.”</p>
<p>The way she smiled had a warming effect on his heart. Her eyes would light up, and her lips would stretch into a charming smile, very disarming in its result. To feel depressed would be impossible for that instant. She was simply too good to ignore when smiling.</p>
<p>“I can imagine the Anakin I met on Tatooine Force jumping into a tree, but not the Anakin I know now,” she said with a broad smile.</p>
<p>He let out a chuckle of his. “Well to be fair he only jumped into the tree that once, and he was young and unpracticed. These days he jumps into the fray, instead of out of it.”</p>
<p>Padme nodded. “That sounds more like him.”</p>
<p>Obi-wan put down his spoon, his dessert mostly gone. “Yes, he is quite the fearless one. Very brave.”</p>
<p>“But I seem to recall someone else jumping out a closed window I might add, completely unsure if he would catch the hovering droid outside.”</p>
<p>He refrained from rolling his eyes. “Yes, well, sometimes jumping is a necessary tactic. I believe I already apologized then for causing you a scare.”</p>
<p>“Oh no you did not, master jedi, you scolded me for turning off the cameras,” she laughed, wiggling her finger at him.</p>
<p>Obi-wan idly waved his hand in the air. “I let you stay on the couch, apology right there.”</p>
<p>He didn’t try and avoid the napkin that was thrown at him. It was quite clean after all.</p>
<p>“In your dreams, Kenobi! I would like to hear the actual words next time you go and do something so dangerous and irresponsible.”</p>
<p>It was good to laugh with her. Dinner had been delicious, and they had enjoyed easy flowing conversational topics. He knew things would get serious at some point, so he reveled in the uncomplicated time before it as much as he could. But when her laugh receded to a small smile he knew she wanted to know what had happened between him and Yoda. Committing to the moment he stood up, picked up his glass and the bottle of Janarian wine, and pointed at the large and comfortable couch.</p>
<p>“Perhaps we can make ourselves more comfortable before we step into this conversation?”</p>
<p>She looked both parts surprised and grateful he had guessed her thoughts, and without a word she rose, picked up her own glass and together they walked over to the sitting area. The candles were still giving off ample light. And he reckoned this type of conversation shouldn’t be held in bright light anyway.</p>
<p>They sat down and he refilled their glasses, emptying the bottle. He had to give the salesman that had helped him his credit, he certainly recommended a fine wine.</p>
<p>“Tell me.”</p>
<p>He slowly took a sip of his wine, stalling to find the right words. Out the corner of his eye he could see she was leaning forward a little. No doubt eager to hear his story and get all her questions answered. An internal smile formed as he found his way to start.</p>
<p>“Why don’t you ask me what you want to know, and I’ll fill in the rest?”</p>
<p>It was a good thing he had foresight and good reflex training, cause the smack on his upper arm could have very well knocked the glass out of his hand.</p>
<p>“Just tell me.”</p>
<p>Obi-wan was happy to note her smile had broadened again. “All right. Well as you suspected, Master Yoda was already waiting for me when I got there.”</p>
<p>She looked a bit smug over that little fact but he let it slide.</p>
<p>“At first it was…awkward to find the right things to say. But as you suggested I just let go and blurted out the first thing that came to mind.”</p>
<p>“Which was?”</p>
<p>“That I was sorry.”</p>
<p>“Obi-wan…”</p>
<p>“I know, I know. I just couldn’t help it. But after I tried to explain everything to him, he turned all the tables on me and took the responsibility for himself. He explained to me how the guilt was his part to take. I still find it hard to believe, but in a way everything he said made sense. He chose to save Anakin and I instead of stopping Dooku. It was his choice, one that didn’t truly follow the Code.”</p>
<p>She frowned at that. “How is that?”</p>
<p>“Master Yoda saved us because he didn’t want to sacrifice us in order to get to Dooku. A jedi must be free of such attachments during a fight if he is to fight his best. In a way, he allowed Dooku to escape. And for that he takes up the responsibility.”</p>
<p>“Well next time you see him tell him that I think he did the right thing, and that Dooku used you as his escape plan because he couldn’t best Master Yoda in a fair duel.”</p>
<p>This brought a smile to his face as well. “I’ll tell him.”</p>
<p>“Now what about…us? What did he say about that?”</p>
<p>Obi-wan pointed his index finger at her. “This will be the only time I will go to master Yoda and ask for advice on my love life, you do realize that don’t you?”</p>
<p>Padme giggled softly. “Can imagine it would be strange.”</p>
<p>“You have no idea.” He adjusted his body on the couch so he was facing her more directly. He locked eyes with her. “He said he already knew of us.”</p>
<p>The faint blush on her cheeks surprised him and prompted him to ask her a question instead of continuing with his story. “You knew?”</p>
<p>She smiled apologetically. “Well, I…I sort of…I was a bit emotionally distressed when I saw you lying on the ground of that hangar, wounded. So I rushed to your side, only to be stopped by Master Yoda. He asked me to hail a new transport first. Then he stepped aside and I did kind of flung myself to your side. So that might have given away a few things.”</p>
<p>He couldn’t help but smile fondly at her. “How could I forget? My personal nurse to the rescue.”</p>
<p>Her smile went up another notch. “I finally managed to make you blush too.”</p>
<p>The word spongebath drifted back to him, causing him to clear his throat.</p>
<p>“Yes, well… Like I said, Yoda said he knew of our affections. He asked for the whole story and I gave it to him.” Slight shock registered on her face and he quickly amended. “Slightly edited, of course.”</p>
<p>Evidently he didn’t need to explain further as she sagged in relief a little.</p>
<p>“But I told him pretty much everything. How we met, how we had parted on Naboo, how we found each other again. After I had finished he surprised me. He told me that I had finally understood the message the Force was telling me all along.”</p>
<p>She surprised him utterly when her eyebrows rose in realization. “Our warmth.”</p>
<p>His mouth probably hung open in astonishment. “You’re amazing, you know that?”</p>
<p>Padme waved away his compliment with her hand. “It was something that struck me as incredible right from the very start, and being a non Force sensitive it was only natural for me to think about it more. I’ve been wondering about it for as long as I can remember.”</p>
<p>“Ah, right.” That fortunately made him feel less obtuse about the matter.</p>
<p>“So what does this mean?”</p>
<p>Again he felt the importance of the moment, just like he had done during his talk with Yoda. He scooted forward a little so their legs were touching. His wineglass went to the table next to them, as did hers. They intertwined their fingers and looked at each other.</p>
<p>“Can you promise that whatever happens, whatever we feel for each other and mean to each other, that you will not hesitate to do your duty as Senator to the Republic, as well as accept that I need to uphold my duty as a jedi to the Jedi Order and Council, and the Republic? That I must do all I can to bring peace back into this now fractured galaxy, perhaps giving my life for it? Can you promise me that you’ll love me and still let go when you must?”</p>
<p>He could see the internal struggle and debate, just as surely as Yoda had read it in his eyes. And to be fair Yoda had given him all the questions more strung out instead of concentrated in one speech. But he knew she would want it all at once, and not be shielded from that which she needed to hear.</p>
<p>For a moment he thought he saw tears forming in her eyes, but the next her features hardened in determination. The light of her convictions shone just as brightly as it had done so many years ago when they had first met, but this time a maturity and strength she didn’t possess at that time filled her gaze. And unflinchingly she made her promise, letting him know she would do all she could to keep it.</p>
<p>“Yes”</p>
<p>Her voice was no more than a whisper but he heard her loud and clearly. When he responded his voice was cracked by emotions.</p>
<p>“Then we are free to see where this can take us.”</p>
<p>Padme pushed herself up and into his awaiting arms, hugging him fiercely. He pushed his cheek against the side of her head as she buried her face into his neck and closed his eyes. For a while they embraced, relishing in the contact. When she drew back a little he kept his arms around her, not wanting to let her go. She smiled and softly kissed his lips. The tingle rushing down his spine was definitely not of the wine he knew.</p>
<p>“I love you,” she whispered, before kissing him again, this time fuller and longer.</p>
<p>When they had to break for air he brushed his thumb over her cheek, finding it slightly moist. He realized there were tears in her eyes, making the vibrant brown color sparkle in the candlelight.</p>
<p>“And I love you,” he replied softly.</p>
<p>They hugged again. The warmth he now recognized as the Force suffused them, filling their very bodies and hearts, confirming how beautiful it was what they had found in each other.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Chapter 22</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In the end, do you choose for unstable passion, or for peace of heart?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Intimacy part 2</p>
<p>She had led him down a couple of streets from the club, and they had entered a small apartment building. Anakin had barely closed the door behind him when Jazela pressed herself up against him again. Her hands slid up his chest and behind his neck, one hand playing with the short hair at the back of his scalp. He put his normal hand on her waist, and with his mechanical one leaned against the wall behind her.</p>
<p>Jazela pulled him down, to the point where their lips almost brushed. It drove the fire inside higher and higher, but still he tried to hold back. She didn’t seem to have such concerns.</p>
<p>“Anakin, from the moment I saw you I was impressed by you…your body, your eyes…”</p>
<p>His metal digits clawed into the badly constructed wall, leaving behind small grooves.</p>
<p>“Anakin, please…”</p>
<p>The small part of him hanging on to the true image of Padme tried to object once more.</p>
<p>“Ani, please…I’m yours…”</p>
<p>These last whispered words did it. All thought fled him to escape the fire raging inside of him. In a quick movement he claimed her lips and pushed her against the wall. In his memory he recalled kissing Padme on Naboo, and he could swear this was just as intoxicating and delicious. She tasted just like he remembered her, and by the Force, he would taste all of her this time. The power of his kiss overwhelmed her at first, but quickly she started returning the same fervor. Her hands started roaming over his neck and chest, making his body scream for more. She was the one to force away first. In a haze Anakin looked at her and she looked more beautiful than ever. Lips full, eyes hazy and sensual, lust in their depths.</p>
<p>“Come”</p>
<p>She pulled on his hand just like she had in the club. And this time he more than willingly followed. Up two stairs, and down the hall. She opened a door to the left and they stepped in a dark apartment. Jazela let go off his hand long enough to turn on a single light, before taking his hand again and leading him in further. He dimly noted it was a small apartment with little furniture. And it became quite clear where she was leading him. In the corner was a broad double bed, with dark red covers that faintly shimmered in the light of the single lamp.</p>
<p>They halted right next to it, and insecurity flared unwanted in him. As if sensing it, or just seeing it on his face, she put her index finger on his lips.</p>
<p>“Shhhh, don’t worry, just let me love you…”</p>
<p>Jazela trailed her finger down his chin, before dropping her hands to his waist. All Anakin could do was stand by and watch in anticipation and restrained fire as she slowly unbuckled his belt, and worked his jedi tunic off. The fire inside of him almost burst out when she undid his pants, but she stopped there. She trailed her hands over his abdomen and chest, leaving goose bumps in their wake, and squeezed his pectoral muscles softly.</p>
<p>“Take off your boots and pants,” she whispered in a very seductive voice.</p>
<p>She took three steps back and watched as he quickly pulled off his boots. Anakin threw his pants off in a near violent move, eager to move forward. But she wasn’t done yet. With her index finger she indicated the bed.</p>
<p>“Sit”</p>
<p>Part of him screamed for control of the situation, of her, but he reigned it in. She would come to him, he knew it. He watched her as she moved her hands over her body in a similar way as she had done dancing. Fastenings came undone, and her clothes came off. The dim light cast a glow over her fair skin, the other side of her now naked body still in shadows. This partial revealment made her mysterious, a mystery only for him to solve. In a slow and seductive pace she walked over to him. With her hands on his shoulders she pushed him back a little, making him shuffle back unto the bed. Then she placed her knees on the bed next to his thighs and sat in his lap. The flames inside raged and demanded satisfaction. In an unspoken understanding she kissed him hard before whispering against his lips.</p>
<p>“Take me”</p>
<p>After that it all happened in a heated daze for him. He kissed her where he could and wanted, touched and groped when he wanted. It barely reached his mind that she steered his actions and led him in the act, but right now he couldn’t care less. She was his to take, and he took her. He let the sensations flow through him and fuel his desire even more. A sheen of sweat covered them both, their movements growing frantic and feral. In the searing heat of his mind all reservations fall away and she was his. His Padme.</p>
<p>With a strangled cry torn from his lips he shuddered as his climax swept over him, giving the fire the satisfaction it so desired. His muscles tensed with pleasure, his hands holding her tightly. He returned from his peak, still struggling to take it all in and hold on to the feeling of it all. In that precise moment of time, for a split second, his physical senses dulled and his Force sense surged. But it was not utter bliss the Force showed him. Instead it was like a light had been turned on and for the first time he could see Jazela properly. And the women beneath him suddenly reeked of the Darkside of the Force. She had been in contact with it, and a small part of it resided in her. He could suddenly see it as clear as day. She had been playing him for a fool, luring him here, pretending to be Padme. The Darkside flared dimly in her as she looked back at him. With a quick push he pulled away from her, standing naked next to the bed. Her face showed shock.</p>
<p>“Anakin? What is the matter?”</p>
<p>He pointed his hand at her in accusation. “You! You know the Darkside! Tell me how!”</p>
<p>More shock registered on her face, bordering now on panic. “Anakin, please come back to bed. It’s all right—”</p>
<p>“You lie! Tell me, who are you!”</p>
<p>Jazela shuffled back on the bed slowly, her hand reaching behind her. “Anakin, I’m your Padme, I—”</p>
<p>“No! You’re not Padme!”</p>
<p>With a burst of fire in his heart Anakin flung out his hand and his lightsaber flew into his awaiting palm. Jazela screamed, turned her body over and grabbed frantically at something on the other end of the bed. In a flash Anakin lept forward and swiped his lightsaber across her bare back. The sharp smell of scorched flesh and cloth reached his nostrils as the blade cut through flesh, bone and bedcover. A second scream died in her throat, her back arching in pain before flopping down, muscles spent and limp. Her hair lay in disarray on the bed covering her face from him, but he knew it would show him some rictus of pain. Her death thickened the very air around him, tinging it with a sickly feel of corruption and beguilement.</p>
<p>For a full minute he stood over her, his insides a jumble of emotions, confusion and anger. Her body lay deadly still, an angry red and black line over her lower back, the flesh blistered and knotted by the heat of his weapon. When he managed to still some of the emotions inside he powered down his lightsaber and knelt on the bed next to her. He reached out with his left mechanical hand and retrieved the item she had been trying to get to. It was a compact comm device. Confusion stirred inside of him as he sat there for ten long minutes, looking at the device. She had the Darkside in her, he had sensed it. But why would she then reach for a comm device? It made little sense, and suddenly his head didn’t feel so clear anymore.</p>
<p>Then the comm device chirped. He almost dropped it in shock. For a moment he stared at it, unsure what to do. Something told him this call could very well explain everything to him, so he answered the call, letting the other end speak first. Fortunately he didn’t have to wait long, for almost immediately a deep, cultured voice spoke.</p>
<p>“Jazela, report.”</p>
<p>The cold feelings of confusion and uncertainty burned hot under the blaze of his anger surfacing again. He recognized this voice, knew whom it belonged to. And it instantly confirmed all he had sensed.</p>
<p>“Dooku,” he said, his anger seeping into the timbre of his voice.</p>
<p>There was a small pause, before the elder jedi spoke. “Skywalker” In his voice there was surprise. “Well, this is surprising…”</p>
<p>Any lingering feeling of doubt was immolated by the blazing hatred he felt at the appearance of the former jedi.</p>
<p>“I didn’t think you would ever sink so low to be able to find my precious Jazela. Tell me, young Skywalker, was she pleasing to you?”</p>
<p>“You disgusting old man, I should have known your taint was over her.”</p>
<p>The sneer of the older man was evident in his voice. “And how close did you have to get to see it? No, foolish boy, I don’t think you were ever able to see her for what she truly was.”</p>
<p>Anakin jumped off the bed, his hand shaking minutely. “I see your intentions clearly now. She pretended to be someone she’s not. She paid for that mistake, and so will you. I swear, the next time we meet Dooku I will kill you.”</p>
<p>The count’s voice now turned to malice instead of scorn. “And I will enjoy cutting off more than your hand. Next time we meet, young Skywalker, I will not be so lenient again.”</p>
<p>Silence followed his words, the connection broken off by Dooku. The moment having come to an end Anakin flung the comm link with all his might across the apartment. He stood for a few moments to catch his breath and calm the storm inside. When it did he sat down on the bed, his back to the lifeless body of Jazela. He placed his lightsaber on top of the bed and collected his clothes. After pulling everything back on he stood up, putting his lightsaber back onto his belt.</p>
<p>He turned his head and took a look back at Jazela. Pity and anger boiled through him in equal measures. It was clear he couldn’t leave her like this, but the fact that their ‘mission’ wasn’t an official one meant nobody would know of this. He pulled his own comm device from his belt. There was only one way this could be dealt with without attracting attention it did not need. His thumb activated his comm, and a sleepy voice on the other end answered him.</p>
<p>“Yes?”</p>
<p>Anakin paused for a split second, before steeling his resolve. “I need to speak to the chancellor.”</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>He ignored the sounds of the comm system for a while, creating the illusion he was sleeping rather than sitting here in the dark waiting for news. These days the anger slowly boiling in his veins kept him up, careful to make sure his plans were succeeding. Sleep was a luxury he would indulge in again when the Republic had fallen and a new empire was established. An empire under his rule.</p>
<p>After the tenth ring he finally answered the call, making his voice a little sluggish to perfect the illusion of sleep.</p>
<p>“What is it?”</p>
<p>“Chancellor, my apologies for the hour. But jedi Skywalker called, and you said we should notify you immediately if he would.”</p>
<p>Palpatine smiles maliciously in the dark. He had hoped for it to be soon, but the boy had outdone every expectation it seemed.</p>
<p>“Tell him to meet me here, I shall see him in half an hour.”</p>
<p>“Yes, sir.”</p>
<p>He disconnected the link and immediately a dark chuckle rose in his throat. The Darkside of the Force flowed through him, bringing the ashen taste of death with it. Oh my boy, he thought, how you continue to serve me well. You bring yourself closer and closer to my side, and in the end you will beg me to accept you. His grating, cruel laugh resounded in the dark.</p>
<p>- w34; -</p>
<p>After the wine they had a small glass of Nubian cognac, followed by a sweet confection he didn’t know and a cup of tea. At this point he was so full it felt like he could survive on nothing for the coming three days. It made for a wonderful feeling.</p>
<p>Padme placed her cup in her laps and looked down at it. Which didn’t concern him until she didn’t speak for a minute and started fidgeting with it slightly.</p>
<p>“Padme?”</p>
<p>She didn’t look up and he could see she was biting her lips a little. So she had something to discuss, but didn’t know how to broach. Well, easily found out, he thought.</p>
<p>“Just tell me.”</p>
<p>When she looked at him shocked and surprised he smiled. It wasn’t often she was out of control, and this time it looked…cute. He kept smiling to show her it wasn’t something to be afraid to tell him. To make sure she knew he placed his hand on top of hers, stilling her fidgeting with the cup. She smiled a bit embarrassedly about it, and spoke up.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry. I just…want to, no, need to tell you some things about myself that you should know.”</p>
<p>“If it’s about which side of the bed you have to have, fine, I don’t have any preference.”</p>
<p>The look in her eyes told him this was no time for joking remarks. He squeezed her hands gently. “I’m sorry, please, go on.”</p>
<p>She looked down at their joined hands for a second, before looking back up again. “I’ve been in love twice before.”</p>
<p>It suddenly clicked in his mind why she was so unsure how to discuss this. And he suddenly felt unsure himself to tell her about his previous experiences.</p>
<p>“Obi-wan? Do you want to hear this, or should we leave it another time?”</p>
<p>“No, no, it’s all right. We should talk about this at some point, and now is good. Just…surprised me a little, that’s all.”</p>
<p>Padme nodded. “That I can understand.”</p>
<p>“So, twice you say. Who were they?”</p>
<p>“Well, when I was young it was Paulo. He’s the first boy I kissed.”</p>
<p>“Boy?”</p>
<p>“We were eleven.”</p>
<p>“Ah, right.” Obi-wan paused for a second before giving her an inquisitive look. “So how far are we supposed to take this? I mean, I kissed a padawan when I was 18 months old, but I don’t think it’s all that relevant.”</p>
<p>She chuckled softly. “Well no, not that far. Unless you really loved her that is!” she giggled.</p>
<p>He crossed his arms over his chest. “I’ll have you know that then padawan Haldiri was one of the most trusted people in my life at 18 months,” he said with a smile of his own.</p>
<p>“Fine, you’ll get your turn next then. Now just let me get this off my chest first.” With his nod she continued. “So, Paulo. We kissed and fell in love. Young puppy love, didn’t last too long. He went to be an artist and I started on my political track, we lost track ever since.”</p>
<p>Ever so briefly his mind recollected the plates they had used for dinner and the lovely Nubian image on them. He let it pass and urged her on.</p>
<p>“Well, of course during my time as queen there wasn’t any room for romantic love, the schedule simply didn’t allow it. Although you can imagine my surprise when you tumbled into my life, especially in a time where I had been expecting only to find misery and pain.”</p>
<p>“I believe I jumped down and did not tumble at all.”</p>
<p>She half-heartedly swiped his arm. “Jumped, tumbled, entered, stormed in, swooped in, call it whatever you want. Fact is you did when I wasn’t expecting anything so good. But after the war finished…”</p>
<p>He hung his head a little at that. Although they had talked about it since, his leaving her behind like that was still bit of a sore point to both of them. She chose to leave it and go on now though.</p>
<p>“After you left, it took me a while to adjust to my life again. Personal life that is, again my life as queen took precedence over everything. After I served my terms I drifted into the beginnings of service of Senator almost immediately, and somehow I had the feeling I was busy filling my life with work so I didn’t have to think about a personal life, let alone have one. Mind you, the Nubian Senator at the time was a harsh teacher, and he made me work very hard to prove I could take his position.”</p>
<p>Her eyes unfocused and he knew she was exploring her memory on that time.</p>
<p>“But then I found love again. His name was Gabel, aide to one of a Nubian province representative. Like you he had beautiful blue eyes. I had met him in the library one night, we were both working late. He asked me what I was doing, I asked him what he was doing, and before we knew it we sat and talked at that library table until the sun came up.”</p>
<p>He smiled. The guy sounded good for her, especially after such a long time of having no personal life in sacrifice to her duty.</p>
<p>“We saw each other off and on for the better part of a year. He… I loved him enough to invite him to stay at night. He was my first.”</p>
<p>There wasn’t anything he could think of to say to this, so he settled for a gently squeeze of her hands again. She seemed relieved by it though, by the look in her eyes.</p>
<p>“For two months we shared something that I will always hold dear. For two months I was happy to have love, and do my work as well.” She sighed. “But again, it was work that prevailed in the end. Not mine this time, but his. He was offered a job off planet, and he couldn’t refuse it. He was Nubian born, but ever since he could remember he wanted to see what was beyond the stars. See where life could take him. I could see it was his life’s wish, so I let him go. It was good while it lasted, but we both knew it wasn’t…it.”</p>
<p>She looked away and out the dark windows behind the couch. “I loved him, and it wasn’t easy to let him go, but after a while it stopped hurting. Of course, I buried myself in my work, but he became a memory. One that I still carry with me.” Padme turned her gaze back to him. “But have us meet now and I will see him as someone from the past, with no role in the present.”</p>
<p>Obi-wan nodded his understanding unsmilingly. And understand he did, truly. He knew exactly what it was to love in the moment, and have the world change around you, the love including. And apparently his look of understanding had made Padme curious.</p>
<p>“How about you, Obi-wan? I believe I asked you once before if there were beautiful women dropping themselves at your feet.” Her tone was a little teasing.</p>
<p>His smiled returned a bit. “And the answer is still no. Anakin had some female attention on one planet or two, but not me. No my tale goes back a little further than that. It was in my own padawan days that I fell in love.”</p>
<p>By the way her eyes widened it wasn’t what she expected. He could understand her confusion, seeing as he never gave away anything that would tell of this. But she kept quiet and at a small nod from her he continued.</p>
<p>“Qui-gon had chosen me as his padawan, and we were off to a flying start it seemed. Our bond was unusually strong for a recent bonding, and we understood each other almost instinctively. However when we were sent to aid in the dispute on the planet Melida our bond was sorely tested. The dispute had grown quickly, and under our very eyes it grew to a civil war. Because of my age Qui-gon had asked me to see what the younger generation on the planet thought of the dispute and I went to investigate it. What I found were several groups of youths, readying for war. And I found her.”</p>
<p>He felt her hand twitch in his, but ignored it as he believed she didn’t want him to know of her thoughts.</p>
<p>“Her name was Janishe. Her eyes were green,” he said with a smile, remembering how she had begun her description, “with a stare that could melt durasteel. She was so passionate about the cause that I fell in love with her right then and there, and decided to stand by her and the Young movement. I was so swept up by it that I even defied Qui-gon and quit my position as padawan.”</p>
<p>By her gasp he could tell she was very much aware of how grave the matter had been.</p>
<p>“I was ostracized by the jedi Order. At the time I thought I would find my destiny on Melida, now dubbed Melida/Dann because of the two factions, in the struggle and with Janishe.” He smiled a little wryly. “Of course, the Force decided differently. Because of my jedi training I soon became somewhat of an envy to members of the Young movement. It created tension and soon the accusations started to fly about my foreign role in their affairs. Things went south between Janishe and me, both still young and the conditions just played on every insecurity and difference we had, until it tore us apart. I fled the planet, leaving behind the rebellious padawan. I crawled back to Qui-gon and the Order on my knees, begging to take me back. It was master Yoda who accepted me back, but it took months for the others to as well. It was Qui-gon who was last to let me in once more. He asked me if true love was worth leaving the jedi Order. Eager to prove myself again I answered negatively. And his reply was that I then would devote my life to the jedi and not think of it again.”</p>
<p>He gave her a small pause in order to absorb all the information.</p>
<p>“Remember when you asked me if love would be worth giving it up?”</p>
<p>She nodded, still a bit overwhelmed by it all.</p>
<p>“At that time I wouldn’t even think of love anymore. But the moment I met you I found it impossible not to think of it. And now…”</p>
<p>“And now?” she whispered.</p>
<p>“Now I must do something I always hated doing, and say Qui-gon was right. He always believed the rules of the Order to be guidelines, ones that are subjected to the Force. If the Force tells you differently, you do differently, and no rule should ever interfere with that. And for him, that included love. But only of the truest form, one given by the Force.” He squeezed her hands. “That is why it took so long for me to recognize what we had between us, why I left you on Naboo after the war. I did not believe it could be true, but once again life seems bent on proving me otherwise.”</p>
<p>Padme smiled a little wanly at his words. He frowned slightly as he scrutinized her appearance. She seemed…ill at ease, confused. He was aware of how this conversation hadn’t gone the way she probably had planned, if at all planned. And the positive feeling from their dinner and following talk about his conversation with Yoda had vanished. He started to feel bad about telling her so much, for dropping so much on her shoulders.</p>
<p>‘Honesty is a virtue, Kenobi, but too much of it can definitely sour any mood.’</p>
<p>He wanted to give her comfort in a way, but most likely she needed time to absorb his tale and work out her feelings on the matter. She didn’t have the emotional training like he did, and any feeling of awkwardness he had released into the Force, it seemingly willing to accept it. Time, he decided, is what she needs. And time he would give her.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry Padme, I know this is a lot to accept. I just felt that your honestly deserved mine. I didn’t mean to ruin his evening, not when I had such a wonderful time with you.”</p>
<p>Padme shook her head a little dazed, still unable to form any words. He disentangled his hands from hers and stood up.</p>
<p>“Perhaps I should go.”</p>
<p>This shook her out of her daze almost instantly and she looked up at him with a shocked expression. “Leave, why?”</p>
<p>Obi-wan kept his eyes on her, speaking as clearly as he could. “I didn’t mean to drop such a load on you, and I can see it upset you. You need time to adjust to it and I will give you this. Just call me when you want to talk again.”</p>
<p>He walked over to the table to collect his cloak when her voice stopped him dead in his tracks.</p>
<p>“Obi-wan Kenobi, stop right there!”</p>
<p>The anger in her voice made him turn. She definitely shook off her daze, he idly thought as she stood up, and he could almost literally see her hackles were raised. With a few quick steps she was in his face and with her index finger poked him in the chest.</p>
<p>“Now what did I tell you about leaving before we could talk things out! Yes, this isn’t what I expected, and yes it threw me for a loop, but I’ll be damned if I have to sit here alone and talk to thin air about it. And you shouldn’t be saying sorry! You didn’t start this line of conversation, I did, so it is my fault. I wanted to tell you about love in my life, how and when, to make sure you understand what I went through. And just because I didn’t expect you to have a story of your own, although I didn’t really buy your answer on that night on Naboo, doesn’t mean we need to part to get through this.”</p>
<p>She was a little out of breath, eyes still gleaming with the fire of her statement. To him she looked incredible, but he wasn’t if this was the time to say it. So he decided to ask what did constitute her idea of the right way. He kept his voice soft, not wanting to inflame her again.</p>
<p>“Then what?”</p>
<p>Padme let out a shaky sigh, her fire dissipating. And once more she looked unsure, a little fragile.</p>
<p>“I don’t know. I… I just wanted to tell you everything, say to you how my love for you is different than anything I have ever felt before.” She sighed again and hung her head a little. “Didn’t go so well, did it?”</p>
<p>With a wry internal smile he could now see why she had started this, and why she had been unsure how to say it. Force knows he was still getting used to it all himself, and expressing it was as hard for him as it was for her. Maybe even harder, his responsibility and loyalty to the jedi Order commanding him to abandon this feeble human emotion, that he was straying from his duty.</p>
<p>The only things that kept him true to this was the Force. And with that he realized she didn’t have such a guide and lifeline, to say it was the right thing to do. It’s perhaps even harder for her than for me, he thought. From what he could gather from her story was that she hadn’t experienced much love, but had loved fiercely and lost it too. This makes you guard your heart more carefully, the hurt clinging to you longer than it should. Her duty, one she passionately lived up to, was also the source of her personal insecurities. And now she was trying to lay it all bare to him, to overcome such hurt and let love in again.</p>
<p>‘Force, I should have accepted her words with more care, not just waltz over them with my story. She asked me to tell it, but it’s far more difficult for her to hear it without the Force telling her this is right!’</p>
<p>Obi-wan placed his hands on her upper arms and she lifted her head slightly to look at him through her eyelashes. He adopted the most serious look he had to ensure she got ever word he was about to say, and would never forget it.</p>
<p>“Padme, listen to me. You didn’t do anything wrong. Force, you are braver than me by bringing this up! You have the courage to deal with the past and move on, placing your heart in my care.” He moved his hands up her shoulders and neck to cup both her cheeks. “And now I will do the same for you. For the longest time I believed that love was a dangerous thing, something that could ruin everything by its instability. A jedi shall not know attachment. Janishe had been an attachment, one that cost me dearly. And in my vow to never waver again in my duty I failed to recognize what I found in you.”</p>
<p>Her eyes started glistening again, but he ploughed on, now needing to get it all out and said.</p>
<p>“The Force knew, but stubborn as I am I ignored it. You are not an attachment to me, Padme, and I could never see you as one. You are someone who filled me with laughter, joy, lust, peace and warmth. But most of all a love that is incorruptible, pure like nothing I have ever experienced, and it scared me. Again, the Force had to correct me, and it did. And now I know my feelings for you are right and good.”</p>
<p>He stroked his thumb over her cheek to wipe away a small tear, sliding its way over her skin.</p>
<p>“I love you with all my heart, Padme, knowing it is not because I know you love me, but because I want to with every fibre of my being. I have never felt like this, but I’ll be damned if I shy away from it any more.”</p>
<p>This made the waterworks open and he pressed her to his chest, her face into his shoulder. He could feel her shudders and the fierce grip she took on his tunic with her hands. Wrapping his arms around her he let her release all she needed to, keeping them up and standing strong. The shudders stopped after a while and she looked up at him. Her eyes were a little red from crying, her make-up smudged a little and her mouth pulled tight by emotions. Instantly he wanted to care for her, make her feel at ease again and have her smile. But he knew sometimes tears were better than laughter. And he also knew everything was wanted to say but failed to find the words for.</p>
<p>“Obi-wan…” she said, her voice hoarse and nothing more than a murmur.</p>
<p>“I know.”</p>
<p>The smile that formed on her lips was far from joyous and brought with it more tears, but he could see she understood him. He leaned down a little and kissed her forehead. Her watery smile grew a fraction and her hands relaxed a little. When she looked at him again the bleary look in her eyes was replaced with a clear one, showing him she found her peace again.</p>
<p>“Stay?”</p>
<p>Her voice still was hushed, a little hoarse still from her crying. But it conveyed a recovered strength that he couldn’t and didn’t want to deny. And there was nowhere he would now rather be but by her side.</p>
<p>“Yes”</p>
<p>With a soft nod she started pulling him in the direction of her bedroom. Memories about their night after the assassination attempt drifted back to him, and he marvelled at how things had changed and remained unchanged at the same time. The world around them had changed drastically, and they had too, but he would still vow to protect her forever. Almost in slow motion they took off some clothing, stripping to their underwear. Without a word spoken they slid into the bed and held each other. And like so many times before their connection gave them the warmth that soothed them. Within moments they fell asleep, weary and spent, but utterly at peace.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>